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Showing posts from 2011

A Year in Review

I'm sure there are thousands of bloggers world wide anxiously tapping away at their keyboards trying to put to word the joys, pains, lessons, and sorrows that 2011 held.  It is now 8:45 on the 31st, less than 16 hours until that infamous ball drops and all the country, or at least this time zone, will sing Auld Lang Syne and kiss the appropriate person next to them firmly on the lips.  It warms my heart to think of the promises the new year can and will hold, but also saddens me to know that another year is being closed and that the tome will be be placed forevermore in the memory banks of those who wrote it's pages.  This year saw many things for my family as well as for me, these include: 1. The start of this blog 2. My mad quest to read 150 books 3. My children all celebrating another year 4. The loss of our family dog, Dorothy 5. My youngest starting pre-school 6. My oldest starting her last year of Elementary school 7. A trip of a lifetime to Israel 8. Immense ne

Christmas Traditions

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I got to thinking about traditions the other day.  What constitutes a tradition?  Is it something that has to have happened for so long that you don't remember when, or even where, it started?  Is it something that you did several years back, a few years back, and then again just recently?  Is it something you decided one day, just a couple of weeks ago, that you are going to start doing?  I ask because it seems that in the scheme of things there are as many traditions as there are people of the world and also just as many that have no traditions at all, and that, in itself, is the tradition. Regardless of how they are born, be it recent or older than Christmas itself, I think there is something almost as magical in a tradition as there is in the season as a whole. When our first daughter was born in 2002 I knew that I wanted to make everything special, especially the holidays.  I'm sure that I am not the only parent in the world that has these thoughts.  However, making a tr

It Is What It Is...

and sometimes, that really is enough.  There was a time, in the not so distant past, that I would cringe whenever someone said that line to me.  Not because I hated what it implied, but more from  not fully understanding what it meant.  Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I have had a profound epiphany on the quote, but rather that I am now, at this point, in complete accordance with the flippancy that is holds.  Why this; why now?  Perhaps, nay, not perhaps, it is all due to coming to that place when I really don't mind what a certain set of people think.  Yes, I think my demeanor holds that same amount of flippancy. So, I ask of you, have you ever reached out, offered something, anything, to someone but got exactly what you didn't expect in return?  And by that I don't mean more than what you expected, but rather less, much less.  There is a chance that I have high expectations for others; which, wouldn't be a hard concept to process seeing as how

A Little Snow Begs for a Lot of Patience

We had our first "official" snow fall yesterday.  I say official because even though we had a dusting prior to Thanksgiving, yesterday's actually stuck, and stuck, and stuck, and...  The day started off with a little rain. OK, who am I kidding?  It was like a monsoon in the middle of fall.  I think Mother Nature fell asleep and pushed the wrong precipitation button, then when she woke up she realized the mistake and promptly turned it off and pressed the snow button.  I kid you not.  It wasn't a gradual change, no, it was about as subtle as a freight train.  The thing that gets me, living in the Midwest, is how many people have to re-learn how to drive in the winter.  It is almost like the seasons we have surrounding any that contain snow fall erase all winter driving memory and common sense.  Which brings me to my random thoughts, below are a few I had from this season's christening. 1.  Snow plows are optional until 6 inches or more have fallen. 2.  There is

A Season of Thanksgiving

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This past Thursday we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family at my mom's house.  There is just something altogether magical about the day. OK, I admit, magical is not the word to use; perhaps special is a much better choice.  I love Thanksgiving.  Lets start there. Thanksgiving is so many things to so many people.  To me, it is a day that holds no pretense.  What does this mean, you ask.  Simply, it means that the day is filled with no expectations.  No expectations of what did the gift cost, does my hair look the best, is my outfit going to meet approval, will I say the right thing, will I do the right thing, am I loved?  No, Thanksgiving is that day when you shed all those expectations and reflect on the fact that; you had the money to buy the gift in the first place, you haven't had to fight a cancer that robbed you of your hair, you have the opportunity to be clothed completely, you get to spend time in conversation with others who won't judge you unwarranted, but rat

Today's Random Thoughts

I had a thought process I wanted to take today, but I couldn't seem to get all the letters and words to come together in a coherent manner.  Therefore, what I will do instead is share today's random thoughts.  They are after all, another form of eloquent prose! 1. Sometimes the search for answers takes you outside of Google's boundaries. 2. Relationships require more than words. 3. Blood family makes for a strong bond; don't underestimate the power it holds. 4. You can still love a person despite the choices they have made. 5. If you want unconditional love this side of eternity; get a dog. 6. Children are one of God's way of saying; "I think you can!" 7. There are times when you have to put your own wants aside for the other person's needs. 8. When things don't seem to be going exactly like you think they should, make sure the motives aren't purely selfish. 9. Wishin' and hopin', thinkin' and dreamin' are grea

What You Don't See

Have you ever just looked at other people; something akin to noticing what they don't realize others actually see?  Now, I'm not talking about unhealthy observations here - that is just creepy, but observation in general, due to the utter fascination with the other bipedal inhabitants of this crazy sod?  Alright, if you won't come out and admit it then by all means, I will.  There I was today, in the middle of my non-routine, routine.  Ah, yes, I must preface this all with the fact I had a vacation day which afforded me the opportunity to, well, observe my fellow man.  I went to the corner gas station this morning, which is something I do every day to get my daily dose of diet Pepsi from the fountain, and thus my day begun.  As I approached the light there was a kid, no more than 18 skating away on his skateboard.  He was really into it too, doing tricks and jumps and skating back and forth on the side street in some semblance of an organized frenzy, but in all of that ac

Procrastination

Why do today, what you can put off until tomorrow?  Or wait, isn't it why put off until tomorrow what can be done today?  Oh, I always get it mixed up, but I do know one thing, procrastination always happens when life comes first.  Here is why: kids.  They don't care that you have homework or even an exam to take.  No, they still need fed, taken care of, time spent with,  or in other words, bonding.  So, what is the one thing that gets pushed aside?  Exactly, it isn't just one thing, it is many things, and for me that is anything that takes time away from them.  After all, it wasn't their choice that I went back to college as an adult.  Nope, no sirree, it was my desire to stay employed that did that.  Regardless, I have found that I've become the world's worst procrastinator and in all honesty I can't rightly blame it all on them, as easy as that would be. Now, I'm sure if getting this degree was something I really wanted it would be a different story

Snarkiness and A Few More Random Thoughts

Have you ever woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I don't mean geographically?  Today, I did.  I don't know what it was, perhaps it was the way the previous day ended, or that the new alarm clocks we just had to have don't work in the simplest manner, or perhaps because my toddler decided that she needed to crawl into bed with me halfway through the night thus destroying any chance at sleep I was going to get.  Whichever of the aforementioned it was, or wasn't, I am snarky.  Yes, this isn't a wildly recognized word, in fact it is one I only recently learned, but sakes alive it certainly has the character and unique enough sense to truly describe my attitude. Have you also noticed that on those exceptionally snarky days others tend to reach out to you more?  By this, I mean, every one and their cousin decides that it is the day they just have to text, email, call, IM, or otherwise contact you.  These are the days when a person can never think for themselves s

Car Go Beep, Beep

I realize that my title is by far childish, in fact it is down right rediculous, but it was the nicest thing I could say to express the way I feel.  When a child is small, typically around toddlerhood, grown-ups think it is great fun to teach them car sounds.  Perhaps it is more because saying vrroom, vrroom and beep beep are fun to say and the child presents an excuse.  Regardless, it happens.  So there we adults are, training generations on the first basics of car vernacular.  Why is this so significant?  Well, there comes a time, roughly 14-15 years after those first utterings that said child will get behind the wheel of a car; heaven forbid!  Honestly, I now fully realize how my parents felt X number of years ago when I first started to drive.  However, that is another topic for another time.  I'm making a different point tonight. Now enter this scenario:  It is raining, heavily.  There are 2 lanes on the exit ramp which pump into 5 lanes of highway that abruptly reduce down

Time

Several years ago, circa late 1997/early 1998, I went on a group "date" with a bunch of friends and we watched a scary-ish movie with a song in it which lyrics stated "time is on my side, yes it is."  I can't help but to think, that though the memories of that evening are greatly shadowed and the people I shared it with are vastly dispersed from my life right now, that there was some truth in the matter.  I know this probably seems like a form of psycho babble, but work with me here. Time has a way of being on our side.  No, really.  I know that it flies and it is something no matter how hard you try you will never get back, but it is those moments you are given that are truly yours; they are essentially on your side.  For instance, this weekend, the sum of 48 hours, in no way held the adventure, the lure, the promise, of great memories being made, but it held in it time spent in my home, with my family, doing what families do. What does that picture look li

Helpless but not Hopeless

Today was a difficult day.  My little girl had to have emergency surgery.  Well, the doctor's called it that.  I didn't see how they thought it was much of an emergency seeing as how it took almost 42 hours from the moment the doctor said it had to happen that it did, but emergency none-the-less.  Now, that said, and for those who know me, I was going crazy.  Me, the natural fixer of all things; the person that always needs to help someone find the answer or direct their path, etc, etc.  I couldn't "fix" what was the matter, per se.  There I was the person she needed the most to help her and I had to let her go.  Allow me to start at the beginning. This past weekend baby girl got sick, really sick.  Due to this "cold" (for lack of better terms) her tonsils and adenoids swelled up to such a large size (they were on a bigger size to begin with - but not causing her any issues with eating, sleeping, breathing, well functioning in general) that she couldn&

Deciding Which Road to Take

Have you ever been disappointed?  I mean truly, unequivocally, disappointed? When this happens is it the result of another person?  Or perhaps it was due to some preconceived notion or plan you had developed that didn't pan out the way you thought it would?  Sure you have.  In fact, I knew the answer to this even before I made the words come together on this page.  You know what I don't know though, is how you get through it.  That is the million dollar question today.  It isn't so much that I am looking to write a book and I am seeking ways to fill it, but that I wonder if there are others who suffer from the wrong way to process the disappointment. You see, when disappointed the first thing I want to do, yes even as a thirty-something I still do this, is throw a temper tantrum.  For some reason, the inner toddler in me wants to come out and be heard.  After all, there is something that is not right in my environment and I do not know how to process the feelings that I h

The Power of Routine

There are days when the best thing that can happen is that nothing happens at all.  Well, almost nothing.  These are the days that are started and ended with out hick-ups; the ones that flow solely because they have a routine.  I like that word - routine.  It is a comforting sort of word.  One that implies there will be no surprises and you can bank on what will occur.  For instance today - get up, go to work, go to class, pick up the kids, check school papers, ensure kids are showered, teeth are brushed, and they are snuggled into bed.  These routine items rarely change, at least for this semester.  I am sure the next one will create a new series of events that will define our way of life.  It is quite funny, not the ha-ha kind, but funny none-the-less how the simplicity of a daily task can make a chaotic, harrowing event pale in comparison.  Perhaps not in the moment, but in the larger scheme of things that event is but a blip on the map of life; something similar to the tiny town

20 More Random Thoughts

OK, so I started typing today with one point to make and realized that you can't force a subject.  True writing will flow when there are meant to be words on paper, or in this case letters in space.  When it comes down to it, I just have a list of random thoughts going through my head.  Perhaps a bir of my randomness will become a conversation starter for one of you out there, or perhaps not. 1) Wishing to be something doesn't always bring it to fruition. 2) Time is not relative, it moves regardless of who you are or what you are doing. 3) Submersion in anything will not make you an authority. 4) The answers aren't always in the back of the book. 5) People come and people go, what matters is that you remain the same. 6) Friends are those people who know the real you and still call to say "hi". 7) People can never be a replacement for God. 8) Heartbreak follows the former when you don't realize its truth. 9) Reading just the headlines will not give yo

Broken and Beautiful

OK, so I am moving a little slow through James.  Well, it is has more to do with my inconsistency of devotional time.  I reread James 4 this morning, more from forgetting where I left off rather than the desire to reread it, but boy am I glad I did, since last time (being a couple of days ago) I totally missed this section. Perhaps God is talking to me after all.   How many times have you been tempted to think to yourself or whisper to another something negative about yet another person?  Now, now, don't sit there and try to say you've never done such a thing.  You are human; therefore, it has happened.  How do I know?  Because I have done the same thing!  Ah-GASP!  Don't be shocked, as I have probably shared the thoughts with one of you, or vice versa! Here is what I read, rather reread, this morning, but actually understood or grasped as if for the first time.  (I love how God does that by the way; showing you something again as if for the first time.) James 4:11-12

Finding the Right Word

As I was driving down the road today I got to thinking ( I know this is typically where all bad ideas begin) and it struck me that I have a very minuscule vocabulary.  I mean, the English language is riddled with beautiful words and though, I think I have a profound grasp on it, I do not.  I use the same vocabulary over and over in the hopes of expressing myself enough that it sticks; somehow, someway.  I digress. Words, beautiful words, words that are fluid and flowery, words which curve intricately through time and space much like the smells emanating from the vendor carts along food alley at a county fair.  What makes a word good?  Is it one that has special meaning?  One that is obscure and obtuse?  One that covers a brevvy of areas in its quest to be all inclusive?  Are their words like this?  Therefore, dear reader, as I keep this entry uncharacteristically short, what is your favorite word and why? Mine, in case you are wondering, is: forgiven.  Why?  Because, though I was

20 Thoughts About my Day

Have you ever had a day when the subjects you bounce in and out of are as random as the people on this planet?  Well, today was my day and here is just a bit of the randomness that happens in my brain. 1.  Coupons are a way to get you to spend money you never would have in the first place. 2.  I read today in my devotional that spending without a budget will make you broke, perhaps I need a budget. 3.  Batteries for 2002 Chrysler Town & Country's are not cheap. 4.  Sometimes I just want to play hooky from work, but I'm too guilt ridden to try it. 5.  Some people love spontaneous gestures, many do not. 6.  Cranky old people should not be made the center of a joke. 7.  There are fortunate people who do not look at all like their age, particularly men. 8.  Public schools are not centers for learning, rather centers for the ravaging of parents' bank accounts. 9.  Never assume because you have agreed on something verbally that it will take place. 10.  There are pe

The First Move

For those who have stumbled across this blog or specifically chose to read it; think back on your most recent relationship.  Do you remember the first day you met this person?  Who initiated the relationship?  OK, now if applicable, look at previous ones, who was the one to initiate those?  I am the one who initiated the relationship with my current husband, my previous one, and every boyfriend/date I had prior to that.  I can say with 99% certainty that I have never been asked out.  (I secretly wonder what it would feel like to know someone liked me enough to do that. But anyhow...)  The real reason that I am asking this has everything to do with my devotions this morning. I am in James, yes still, and James 4:7-8 really hit home.  "Submit yourselves, then, to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."  It was the "Come near to God and He w

The Price of Vanity

Have you ever gotten a truly BAD haircut?  I mean one that had you running straight for the door of the salon so fast while at the same time assuring the stylist you just LOVE what she did?  No?  Well, lucky you!  For me, this just happened tonight.  It started as an innocent thought.  I just had a great party (I sell GC candles) and thought I would surprise my girls by taking them to get their hair cut and styled.  Of course, going with the flow of things, I too MUST get my hair cut.  I should have known it wasn't going to be good when... ... at 5pm we walk into the salon, there are only 2 stylists on the clock and we are instantly told it would be "45 minutes so jsut put your names down and leave and come back".  So, being it girls night, I treat the girls to a dinner of their choice.  (I can't go wrong here, right?  After all they are kids!)  We end up 3 shops down getting Subway.  This would have been a simple endeavor had my toddler not needed to be held the wh

Starting Over Takes Want To

By starting over, I don't me with my life, per se.  I can't rightly become an infant again anymore than I can redo yesterday.  In fact I can't even undo any of my past choices.  However, what I can do it chose today as a day to start over in a key area of my life; a life that was created and wanted before it came to be.  What I mean by this is my walk with Christ.  In case you haven't picked up on all the subtlety in the past few posts I have been noticing a great divide in my life, a chasm that needs filled and I know that the only substance that has the power to fill my Grand Canyon-esque valley is the living water, the truth of life.  I'm not trying to be poetic or flowery, I'm trying to put it into words the only way that I know how to. I often wonder if God has you do a few certain things in life, against your knowledge, that will redirect your path.  Here is why I ask that.  I shared yesterday the three book series that I just finished.  This series real

A Good Book

OK, so I just completed a series written by a 20-something Christian author who penned the books for girls in their late teens and early twenties, or at least that is what I gathered from the details on Amazon. (I started reading it because book one was a free book choice on Amazon's kindle list, which lead me to spend the other $10 on books 2 & 3...yes they are that good!)  Anyhow the series had three books, is called the Lauren Holbrook Series, and well, I am in love.  In love with the author's writing style, the characters she created, and the fact her books are saturated in scripture.  Now, don't take that negatively, as that is a good thing.  However, like all things that you love, there are also those things that you hate, be it the item's yin/yang.  Here is my "hate" list (I know that is harsh and I don't really mean it like that anyway): I hate that real life isn't like this.  No, seriously, there is no way that real life has people who o

Thinking

So as I was perusing Amazon's free book titles this morning... yes, I know it is a Friday and I should be at work, but I have had this head cold for 10 days and it is getting worse, not better so I think I will go to the doctors.  Late is better than never, in some cases.  Anyway, back to the Amazon thing.  Right.  So, there is nothing worth getting from the free list that I haven't already gotten, but as I was scrolling away my eye caught a fun title on the books that cost list.  (This is how I classify it, work with me here.)  So this book, which is by a British author, is titled, "I Don't Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Reddy, Working Mother."  Naturally, this led me to wanting to read the descriptioin, and well, now I want to buy it.  But for more reasons than the whitty lines in the text.  After all, I am a working mom and I do enjoy a good work of fiction. Then, due to my penchant for drawing parrallels to everything and and my need to dissect thoug

30 Random Facts About Me

Hey, it's my blog so I can type what I want.  After all, it's your choice to read it! 1.  My favorite color is white.  Yes, I understand that that is actually the absence of color, but it is what it is. 2.  I love to think about things; deeply.  In other words, I will dissect something until there is nothing left. 3.  I love quietness.  In fact, the joy of only hearing the fan blades turning and my fingers typing on the keyboard right now is FANTASTIC! 4.  I have regrets.  I may share them - or not. 5.  I love Dodge brand vehicles because they are all sexy looking.  No other make/model can hold a candle to the design. 6.  I second guess myself all the time. 7.  I really don't have all the answers. 8.  Just once I'd like to not have to make all the decisions and feel safe and comfortable with the person who is. 9.  I'd like to drastically change my life, but fear keeps me from doing it. 10.  I used to have a dream, now I have a life. 11.  When I

Looking Back

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I know there are hundreds of thousands of people sitting back today remembering where they were and what they were doing when the terrorist attacks began on September 11, 2001.  I am one of them, and here is my story. I had gotten off of work at 7am (I was on third shift at the time) and was on my way to school in Fort Wayne.  I had just decided that summer to go back and start to make something of myself; after all, it was 5 years since I graduated high school and many in my peer group had already received their bachelors and several were enrolled in graduate school.  2001 was a big year for me.  It was the year I found out my ex husband had a girlfriend (thus making him my ex), I met my current husband and became pregnant with my oldest child.  Anyway, as I was heading into the city listening to Bob and Tom I realized I was dangerously low on gas so, I stopped at a little gas station off the beaten path, filled up and got back into the car.  When I turned the radio back on I entere

Looking for My Hat

This past week I have been strangely disappointed.  Disappointed in a lot of things, but mainly in myself.  How many people look for, search for, yearn for their place in the world and actually find it?  How many have found their true identity and are pleased with what it looks like?  Well, those two questions are why I am strangely disappointed in myself.  What is my place?  Where is my place?  What will I look like when I get there?  Have I already seen myself and scoffed at the reflection because I was looking for more?  That is truly the answer isn't it?  More.  There is never enough.  More.  This constant quest for more is what leads to the circular reasoning of never getting to the place I have already been yet cannot find again. What drives this?  Why am I so afraid to be who I really am?  Do I really know who I am?  There are so many hats that I want to wear, so many that really do fit and so many that look so cool.  Have you seen "You've Got Mail" with Meg

Old Cars

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There is just something about old cars.  I'm not talking about the one I drive, which being a 2002 would be considered old, I'm talking those cars that were made before me, my mom, and in some cases my grandma.  These cars are classics.  I may not seem the type to get excited about old cars, but I do.  I can appreciate the passion that went into the design, the tastefully selected color schemes, the artistry of the details, the engineering of the engine, drive train, and internal gauges.  I mean, these cars were the front runner of modern technology; each one though assembled was still done by hand.  There was not a single robot to touch them.  Then there are the people who have lovingly restored them; worked themselves to the bone to bring back that note of history.  These people found love in the passion the designer had and took what years have taken away from it and given the car back its life.  I may never own one, but I can surely appreciate a fine machine.  This year