The hardest thing about having a blog, besides ensuring you actually write something, is knowing what to write. There are many different seasons in life, things that seem so important at the time, but end up being just normal everyday stuff. There are moments that are so insanely funny that you can't wait to share them but don't get to it straight away and then you forget what made them so funny, to begin with. There are moments that are so bitterly painful that you can't help but want to share the experience in hopes that others know they too can get through it, or more likely the sharing is a part of the therapy. And I wonder, of all these things, which is the most successful? Which is it that brings in the most readers? Which is it that becomes the essential part of the author?
Oh, how I long to write copious words full of insight, humor, raw emotion, but I lack it. I lack it all. I feel like a painter with a pallet and canvas, but no paint. Like an architect with hammer and wood, but no nails. Like a - well, I think you get the picture. Today is Monday. It has just stopped raining, there is a slight chill in the air, and that crisp scent floating through the windows that only the promise of cooler, fall days can bring. I can hear the sounds of the street crew moving to and fro, the birds chirping outside my bedroom window, and the fan whirling in the background dulling all the sounds in its calming way. Today is ordinary.
But it is not. You see, in exactly one week I will embark on a brand new adventure. In a week, I will be sitting in a new place. I will meet new people and undoubtedly become overwhelmed by the enormity of the decision and the fact it came to fruition. What will I be doing? I will be starting a new job! For the first time in almost 20 years, I will be working for a new company. The decision to make this move was not easy, but it also was not that hard. It is a decision I attempted to make many times since the company I had worked for was bought out and the new company wasn't the right place to be any longer. Many people told me to suck it up and ride it out, after all, I'll be done with my MBA in 19 days, but it was so much more than that. So, very, much more. I'm not big on change. I fear the unknown. I lack that part of myself that has the confidence to do so. I stepped out in faith and trusted the Lord with my schooling, and then took and an even bigger step of faith and trusted him with my career.
And he got me there. He did! I had several interviews with many different companies. I had offers I declined. I had places that didn't want me. But in all honesty, I learned so much through this process that I couldn't even begin to put a price tag on the experience. While my long-term goal is teaching, and Lord willing I will get there, I know that I have taken the first of many steps in the right direction. But most importantly, I have followed God's lead. I have done what I know, through lots of prayer and council, was the right decision for me at the right time. While I am eagerly anticipating next Monday I am also a little scared. What if I mess up? What if my personality doesn't mesh well with my new coworkers? What if I have a bad idea and they write me off straight away? What if my nearly 20 years in automotive hinders my ability to grasp the concepts in this completely new manufacturing arena?
And that is just it, isn't it?! What if? What if keeps many of us from taking the next step - that giant step of faith and trust. And you want to know something? I looked that what if in the face this time (after many failed attempts) and went for it. The result? Peace. I was at peace. I gave a month's notice to my previous employer. And at the end of that month, they asked me to stay on as a contract employee to assist with my accounts until a replacement was up to speed. I am happy to say that we are now in week 3 of me being a contract employee and it hasn't been a bad gig. I think the thing I love most is teaching and mentoring my replacement and I know that in this entire transition I have done the right thing.
All that said, I will leave you with one last thought on this damp, chilly fall day - trust in the Lord. Trust doesn't mean that I don't have to do my part, it just means that I will let him do his part and believe in faith. I will work at this with all that I am and do the best that I can do. I so cannot wait to see where he leads me next.
By the way, click here and listen to this amazing song!
Monday, September 26, 2016
Friday, September 23, 2016
I have so many friends that still, at our ages, don't know what they want to be when they "grow" up. They don't know what kind of work would make their hearts soar, that would bring joy to their hearts. Are you like that? Do you know what you want to do more than anything in the whole wide world? I do. I've known. I've known since kindergarten. I've known ever since I was old enough to understand what it meant to teach someone something. I didn't share it too much, after all my mom had other plans for me - she wanted me to go into the medical field so she chose all of my classes in school to coincide with her dream for me and when I graduated high school I dutifully went off to study medicine, but it wasn't in me and I quit. And then I worked and became a mom and had life really begin (it does that you know, and it is messy and beautiful and hurtful and kind and funny and brilliant and full of wonder and lessons and love, and...). But in the midst of all of this I went back to school and learned those things that could help me in my career. I read and studied and wrote and cried and wanted to quit again and, well, this time I didn't. I didn't because now it was for so much more than me. Now it was to show my Littles that reaching goals and dreams can happen, yes even when we get older. Yes, even when they take years and years to complete.
And here I am. I am almost there. Where completing something hard brings you a step closer to making dreams come true. To some it is just a piece of paper. To others it is a huge undertaking and not for them. To me, it was a mountain that God had to show me and urge me to climb and he did. And I have. And I am almost off of it. You guys, I will have my MBA and while that in and of itself doesn't seem like much it is one thing I need to get me where I always wanted to be. I want to be a teacher. I want to see the look in the eyes of those who learn and understand something for the first time. I want to watch them get the knowledge they need to pursue and reach the goals and dreams they have for themselves. Because watching people use their talents and excel and grow and be who they dream to be is so big. It is so beautiful. It is such a blessing.
And I wonder, for all those teachers out there I have had over the years, from kindergarten through my graduate degree, if they have felt that. That moment when they see the look in a person's (student's) eye that affirms they are in the place they need to be because they helped them get there. I've seen it. I've seen it in the conference room, on the shop floor, in my own children's eyes and there is nothing that can beat it. It is a look of growth and personal pride and satisfaction.
However, I will not get ahead of myself. I know there are still a few weeks, applications, resumes, interviews, and well, just plain work to be done before I actually get there. And I'll keep working at it because this is my dream and the one thing I want to spend my life doing. But bigger than that even - I know this is a passion that God has given me. It is a desire he planted in me before I was born and I trust his will in this process. And I will not give up.