Monday, September 19, 2011

Starting Over Takes Want To

By starting over, I don't me with my life, per se.  I can't rightly become an infant again anymore than I can redo yesterday.  In fact I can't even undo any of my past choices.  However, what I can do it chose today as a day to start over in a key area of my life; a life that was created and wanted before it came to be.  What I mean by this is my walk with Christ.  In case you haven't picked up on all the subtlety in the past few posts I have been noticing a great divide in my life, a chasm that needs filled and I know that the only substance that has the power to fill my Grand Canyon-esque valley is the living water, the truth of life.  I'm not trying to be poetic or flowery, I'm trying to put it into words the only way that I know how to.

I often wonder if God has you do a few certain things in life, against your knowledge, that will redirect your path.  Here is why I ask that.  I shared yesterday the three book series that I just finished.  This series really, really, really has me thinking.  It created a longing in my to search for that thing that I am missing, the answer to the all consuming void.  I also think, that though, getting sick is not fun, it happened to give me the time to read these books, simply because God knows me better than I know me and he knows that I love to read, that books are closer to me than people and also that I take written words to heart.  Oftentimes, too literally.

I sat here today consumed by this need, this hunger and thirst to have an answer.  I prayed for God to direct me path on what scripture to read. As up to this point, I had decided to re-read the Bible from covereth to covereth, and am hopelessly failing.  I think the reason for that is I lack the discipline to do it and there are other things that may need my attention.  Anyway, to my point.  I prayed as I opened to where I left off in Isaiah and got no response.  Then I flipped to Matthew, as that is typically where new Christians are directed and again felt no response.  Then I landed on James, divinely, I can't say, but I did and there I began reading.  Man was I convicted. 

James 1:13-15 essentially says that God does not tempt, no he cannot even be tempted.  In fact, the temptations occur when personal evil desires drag us away and entice us.  It is after this desire is conceived that sin is born. ~ WOW!  I cannot even begin to tell you the number of things that flooded to my brain once I read this passage.  I allow temptation because of my evil desires.  Funny how simple something like reading instead of spending time with your children can be an evil desire.  (It is called selfishness!)

James 1:22-25 essentially says that we are not to only listen to the word of God but also do what it says.  The analogy of looking at yourself in the mirror and yet forgetting what you look like was a refreshing take on what the passage means.  Seriously, how many times in a day do you glance at yourself only to do it again because you have forgotten a detail.  Makes you wonder!

James 1:26 Here was the sinker for me... "If anyone considers himself religious but does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."  Um...if you are trying to catch my parallel to this one read my 3o random facts posts...sheesh I feel like I was hit by a mack truck with this passage.

Proverbs 10:19 (I was led here because I know that Proverbs has a lot to say about the tongue and this is the first passage that I came to in reference to the tongue that I had previously underlined.)  "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."

I can't say if I will never detour from the path again, only God knows what it truly at the heart of a person, but all I can say is that in the past week all these variables have led up to this point.  A point that I know I wouldn't have reached on my own, but that I was searching for.  I hope that I can continue to draw on His strength and be the person that He has designed me to be.  (Which by the way is a Super scary thought...I like control!)

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