I Read Too Much

I need to be honest here, I haven't had the passion to write lately.  I feel like all of my words have been stolen from me, that while I've had many things to share and reflect upon, the ability to pen them has been out of my reach.  Why?  We are in a season.  I am in a season.  This season started in October of last year, but we didn't feel the full force of it until spring of this year. Since then it has been one opportunity after another to learn more of God's grace and goodness.  People, He is so very good, and He is faithful.  For that, I am confident that He is still creating a good work in me (Philippians 1:6. Despite that, we haven't been relieved of the lessons this season is teaching us.  In fact, the most recent couple of months have brought even more trials our way. And with those, so much more heartache and pain. However, I am finding peace. I have no idea where it is coming from.  None.  Oh, that is not true at all.  God is the source of this.  He al

I'm not one who's normally in on all the new lingo used by society these days. However, having two teenage daughters I do get the opportunity to learn some, willingly or not.  I've been hesitant to write this post for some time now -  for no other reason than I simply don't have the vernacular to give it justice.  In case I haven't let on, life has kind of got me in the feels lately.   My family is hurting. I am hurting.  Not because of my family, but because of what someone is doing TO my family.  People, there is evil in this world.  There is evil that takes on the guise of "goodness".  It is evil wrapped up in selfishness and hatred and greed. It is evil that wants nothing more than to hurt another because of jealousy and spite. The hardest part of it is shielding those you love from the evil and not letting them see the hurt and pain you are going through because of it.  I need to be honest here. I have prayed unendingly for this pain to go away. 

This morning I am reading in 1 Chronicles.  I am coming to the end of the book and we have King David turning the work of the temple over to his son, Solomon.  While the Lord had given David all of the instructions, down to the smallest detail, David was not to build the temple because he was "a warrior and have shed blood." (vs 28:3b) A few verses later David tells his son, " acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever." (vs 28:9) Let's stop there for a minute. I don't know about you but I am equally humbled and thankful God searches my heart and understands every desire and every thought I have. Really!  This means I am NOT invisible to Him.  He knows every single detail about me.  He knows the things I love the most and He

This morning I am reading in 2 Kings. I need to be honest, these are hard books to read. The names!  Oh, my stars the names.  Not only the names but how close they all are and how the kings overlap each other.  People, these 2 books are full of joy, pride, anger, hate, plot twists, love, encouragement, fear, great military acumen, business deals, essentially you name it, these two books have it.  I have read the words and shook my head as well as cried happy tears of God's great love.  These aren't a fast read.  It's definitely taken me a minute, but I recommend them to you.  Now, to my point! Think of two opposites.  Like the ends of a battery, the poles of the Earth, light and dark, soft and hard. Ok.  You get the picture. What I read this morning was exactly like that.  I began reading in chapter 21 about King Manasseh.  It didn't take me long to realize this guy was awful.  He was pure evil.  In fact, the modern-day equivalent that came to mind was Hitler.  No, no

It's been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  I need to be honest here.  I doubt my ability to teach.  But more than that, I doubt it is a dream that will ever come true. Hear me out on this. In the past few days, life has had its way with me.  It has been one curve ball after another and one anxiety-laden situation after another. I have shed many tears, questioned my existence and purpose, and even thought, in many ways, how I wish I was someone else.  Granted, the latter would not have prevented the former from happening; it would have just changed the situation.  I digress. In the past, I have shared about spiritual gifts.  I have even been so bold as to share what mine are. In the past year, I have run a million miles per hour headlong into achieving my gifts, of doing or becoming what they say of me. I've failed to succeed. In that failure, I have gained an extreme level of doubt over the truth

A few weeks ago I shared that I was starting another blog.  One based on my favorite subject and the one I would most like to teach - Personal Finance.  Well, I did!  I would love it if you would click on over and take a look-see at the information shared.  Let me know your thoughts. https://wheretherealnumbersare.blogspot.com/ For those who have asked.  No, I am not giving up on my pursuit of teaching in an academic setting.  I am currently tailoring my resume (at the advice of a friend who is an Adjunct) to the exact subject I want to teach.  As contradictory as that sounds to my favorite subject (ahem....what I linked above), I am leaning towards Business Communications.  Why?  Because, I have spent numerous years being the written and spoken voice for the companies I have worked for and enjoy the nuances of language and the cadence that comes from a well-articulated conversation and argument. If you know of open positions at any university/college across this great country of

I watched a video a little while ago.  This mere days after reading a quote. I had a conversation with someone only yesterday.  What do all of these have in common?  On their face, they were ideas had by others.  Deeper, they all built upon a simple truth.  Bare with me as I put these all together. The video was of  Lou Holtz giving a commencement speech, you may have seen it.  He said, "Never tell your problems to anyone.  20 % don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them."  The quote was by A.W. Tozer.  He said, "We are not to look or act like other people; rather we are to look like Christ. We are to do the things Christ would do in the power and the demonstration of the Holy Spirit." The conversation yesterday consisted of living life focused on God and becoming who He designed you to be. You may be wondering how all of these fit together.  Honestly, I didn't see it at first either.  In fact, it was only this morning it all fell into place.  I

I got to thinking recently about church.  My church.  The church. And what church is.  I've been struggling with what makes a good church, what makes a great church, and what my role in both are. I know this seems like a loaded topic.  In fact, the church, as a whole, has been lamb-basted for quite some time.  First, as a Christian, I can say with a firm level of certainty that there is no level of perfection this side of eternity.  There is no person who has all the right answers and there is no set of people who are doing it all the right way.  Knowing this, I've still been struggling lately with a few things concerning the church. My church is filled with people from all walks of life.  We have business owners, community leaders, blended families, traditional families, single-parent families, seniors, and young alike.  So what makes us any better or worse than anyone else?  The simple answer is, the people. Yes.  The broken-down, self-admitted sinners that grace the doors

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."  Proverbs 16:9 I need to be honest with you here, I'm not sure if this is a good verse or a bad verse.  Now, before you get all hinky about me saying out loud there are bad verses of scripture, I need you to know I don't believe that at all.  Moreso, I believe perception can lead one (ahem, me) to believe that.  See, there's a HUGE difference.  I digress. I've not made it a secret, in the least, concerning my goals and dreams.  I have long held this thought I would become a teacher/professor and my life would be complete.  I didn't expect the process to be easy any more than I expected it to be difficult. However, what I am learning is that while I have been planning my course...someone else has been establishing my steps.  And frankly, I do not know what to do next.  I have had some great advice, such as: wait on the Lord, be patient with the process, get professional as

My entire life I have struggled with not being good enough and not being seen.  In some situations, this would cause me to point out things others did wrong in order to make my insignificance a little less so. Or in others it would lead me to brag about the smallest of things in order to be noticed. I grew up in a trailer park which sat at the top of a hill from a lake.  At the bottom of the hill, around the lake, was a campground.  I lived in the most magical place on Earth, or so my young self thought. I had friends and adventures.  I had the freedom to play and grow the way kids of the 80's did. Despite all this, I was still picked on relentlessly up through middle school. We moved in high school, I thought it would change, but the only thing that did was the trailer park we lived in.  You see, I had unfortunate growth cycles - this offered me many more years of roundness than height. I've also been plagued with poor eyesight, fine hair, and a challenging complexion. I beg

One of the devotionals I read recently talked about the most effective tool in the enemy's toolbox.  This tool is one common to everyone and one that debilitates, to some degree, all who pick it up or even happen upon in.  I hate to admit the number of times, I too, have fallen to the pull of this tool.  To be honest, I've been holding it firmly in my hands with a white-knuckled grip lately.  This tool and I have gotten to know each other.  There are some days where I can't see how life could function any other way.  Then there are days where the freedom of a victory causes me to set the tool down and walk in the blessed assurance that all is right and good in my life. Discouragement is a mighty tool of the enemy.  People I am so discouraged right now.  It feels like one step forward and two steps back with things. In fact, I have begun to question whether having goals and dreams and desires is even worthwhile.  Most especially when I am trying to teach my Littles that in

There comes a time in life where you expect to have finally arrived.  What that arrival looks like for you is wholly dependent upon the thing(s) that drive you.  Me, I wanted to have a career I cared about and a feeling of self-worth.  Before you click off and chose something else to read, hear me out on this.  I have long maintained my favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes; it still is.  I love that book for a myriad of reasons, but most of all because the author got it.  He just did.  Solomon was a great guy.  He had more wisdom than anyone else in all of history and yet still had issues.  I love the story of how he became the wisest person to ever be.  When he came into power, so-to-speak, the Lord asked him to name whatever it was that he wanted.  He could have the cattle on 1000 hills, he could be stronger than any man alive, he could, well, be anyone and anything.  Instead, he, in all his humbleness, simply asked for wisdom.  And it was in this request, he gained all other t

This morning while I was out on my run I got to talking with the Lord.  Let me start there. Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows how much I love to run, for those who are new to this, it's kind of another thing I do.  Any how, since my injury...self-medicating...stubbornness...final relenting to go to doctors...and surgery later...phew that is a mouthful, I'm back at it.  Slowly, of course.  Ever so painstakingly slow.  You may be wondering how any of this has to do with my dog.  No, she is not a runner.  LOL. Anyhow, during that time of talk, I started thinking of Miss Clarabelle.  Look at her face.  Just look!  Isn't she beyond precious?  She is the most loving, loyal, fluffy, funny, energetic, and adorable dog in all the world.  (Yes, this is tinted with a slight hue of bias.) During this talk, it was brought to light the similarities between pet ownership/relationship and that of a person's walk with the Lord.  No, really. In the beginn

You know, I really have to admire a guy like Job.  I mean here was a man who lost everything...EVERYTHING and still didn't blame it on the Lord and still maintained his strength of faith and rebuked those who told him to admonish the Lord. No, I'm not reading in Job right now, I'm in Numbers. So, why am I going down this path of thought?   Well, here's the thing.  Sometimes being an adult isn't all it is cracked up to be.  In fact, there are days when it is the worst thing.  Honestly to be able to go back to having someone else take care of everything would be super awesome.  BUT.... That isn't the way of life.  In fact, life is all about moving forward even in the face of adversity and Job-like moments.  I've been MIA lately due to some things that have occurred in our life that have resulted in the Mr. and I having to buck up and become the responsible parties for someone elses' poor decisions and life skills.  Let me tell you, I enjoy this about as

I'm going to try to make this short, more because I only have about 20 minutes before I have to leave for work than because I don't have much to say.  I hate this time of year.  I try really hard not to hate it, really I do.  In fact, today is a very special day for someone I love.  Today is my Mr.'s birthday.  I truly hope he likes his gift and that today is filled with blessings for him.  However, outside of that one thing, there isn't much I care for in this month. Why is this month so horrible?  Well, for the days leading up to my own birthday they serve as an anticipation for a day that has never been special for me, and for the days that follow it, they serve as a transition back to life as normal.  Why do I hate my birthday so much?  It has nothing to do with aging, after all, none of us can change the course of that.  I hate my birthday so much because it is nothing more than a reminder of the day I was born to someone who hates me. I have no fond birthday m

I'm reading in Exodus right now.  I have to tell you, the names of the people in ancient times were something else!  I love the old testament stories.  I love reading about all the ways God cared for His people, about how He made ordinary people into leaders and protectors of His people.  I love reading how much God loves us.  It is absolutely amazing. There is something else that is absolutely amazing to me - the way His people missed all the ways they were being loved and cared for.  Now, I'd like to tell you I would never, ever in a million years behave, react, or otherwise compromise the blessings the way the Israelites did in the Old Testament.  However, I am most certain telling you that would be a farce.  You see, I do.  I do behave and act the way they did.  I do compromise the blessings I have been given the way they did.  How?  Let's look. In Chapter 16 the Lord tells Moses he is going to provide some food each day for the Israelites.  Wait, let's back up.

I think the hardest thing as an adult is accepting life happens while you are making other plans. It is frustrating, to say the least. It isn't that I feel I should be entitled to any one thing in particular, but that I should be able to have something go my way - even if it is every once in a while.  I've held on to the dream of becoming a teacher for so many years.  In fact, the idea of teaching is one that I get horribly emotional about.  To me, teaching is the most important profession, the noblest and most honorable one too.  After all, without teachers, no one can become what they become.  Think on that.  However, be as it may, that is not the reason I have always wanted to teach.  No.  I have always wanted to teach because I love to share knowledge with others.  I love to read something and learn something new, then pass it on to others. I cannot say I am the best at it because frankly, I've never had the opportunity in a structured way to actually do it. Now, all

I have been a little MIA lately.  Things around here have been a wee bit crazy over the past month or so.  We have hosted 2 Japanese exchange students, I've finally gotten my knee fixed, and well, life with five Littles is just plain busy! I had hoped to use these days I'm home alone to get some blogging, writing, drawing, and reading done.  Actually, I've managed to dabble in all of it...the operative word being dabble.  I'm still reading Andy Stanley's, "The Best Question Ever".  I'm still working on putting words to the outline of the book I'm writing.  I'm still watching you-tube for drawing lessons and tips, and well, you are reading the efforts of the blogging. I've come to realize that in all the things we want to do in life there is rarely the right amount of time to actually do them.  I have so much I want to accomplish and so many goals I have set for myself, yet I am struggling to get them done. Another thing that has been on

(Start date: April 11, 2017) I am reading in Ephesians - plodding along in this Bible reading, I am!  I have been trying to read at least two to four chapters a morning.  I'm not exactly sure why this is the route I am taking, only that it is.  (Eh, we all have those weird things we do - just because!)  However, this morning I was unable to get past chapter one. Have you ever read something over and over, at different times, and never really clicked with what you were reading?  Kind of like high shool physics?  My biggest Little is in Physics, this momma is so proud of her super smart-ness, but I absolutely have no ability to help her...I get the basics, what goes up must come down, yadda-yadda-yadda.  It is through an understanding like that I think many of us read the Word.  I know I do at times because I simply don't "get it" most of the time.  Now, unlike Physics where I can take it or leave, choosing the later in my case, you kind of can't do that with script

It's been a few days!  Honestly, I've been writing a lot more in my spiritual journal than anything else.  Not that I don't have much to say, it's that lately I haven't had much to share.  That happens, doesn't it?  Do you ever find sometimes it is better to keep to yourself than not?  Without a doubt, it is an interesting dynamic and one which requires intentionality.  In fact, this is somewhat the basis for what I am writing about today.  There is a verse of scripture I have loved for a long while; one that I pull out and ruminate on from time to time.  This morning, again for the first time, I have read it in the full context of Paul's third letter to the church. 2 Corinthians verse 9 says, " But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."   People, those that have read this blog of mine