Sunday, January 4, 2015

Write My Story - part 1

December 20th was a big day for me for many reasons - a 50k relay (epic!), a potential love that became lost, and true love that returned.  As many of you are aware my boyfriend broke up with me (officially) on November 17th, 2014; a day that crushed me to the core.  We had been together for well over a year.  There are so many things I could share about the days in between (and probably will - in due time), but it is December 20th that the real story begins to unfold.  I should let you know that God works in ways that we will never fully understand, for this I am so grateful and thankful.  Yes, even when I throw a temper tantrum in between, to which you may have read the words...

There are times we learn life lessons in which we are unsure as to why we learn them, of why the pain of the moment must rest on us and be seared into our memories, but learn them we do.  In the many long days following the breakup I fought hard to hold on, to show him how much I loved him, but there came a defining moment when I finally realized that my efforts were for naught and I resigned myself, and my heart, to not having this man in my life.  So naturally what did I do?  Yep, I listened to what some friends had suggested I do many times over - I created an online profile and, gasp, I met someone.  Honestly, I thought it would take months, but it only took days, um a couple of them in fact.  The randomness of it all made me believe that perhaps maybe this was meant to be.  Oh, dear people, I love how our brokenness can deceive us; how our in ability to just wait can cause us to experience more than we ever bargained for.

This person that I met well, much like a past relationship, showered me with gifts (not pretentious baubles) and flattering words, but nothing that was ever fully in line with what his profile had said he was.  There were red flags and at first I ignored them, but as the days wore on the Lord started to point them out to me more and more boldly.  This time around I listened to him.  People, we MUST pay attention to the red flags - they are there to protect us. Ladies, please don't fall for a deep wallet and shallow words no matter how appealing they may be at the time, especially to a lonely heart.  I struggled with the right thing to do for several days, but on December 20th the truth of this person came to light.  No, I never saw him, but his words struck me across the face and hurt my heart worse than if he'd been physically there.  You see, broken men can damage a woman far more than you know and he, my dear lovelies,  was severely broken.  Praise the Lord for showing me this before it was too late.

That day, after my 50k relay, I came home and was exhausted.  Running on trails has a way of doing that to me, they are much more brutal than the open road.  Thankfully the Littles went to their dad's and I was able to get sleep.  However, the hours of being in the below freezing temps, the numbness in my feet and hands, and the soreness in my bones caught up to me, I got sick.  I was here, by myself, and couldn't move. So I texted him.  The him who had tried to ask me back, but I told him no because I couldn't see past the red flags of the other person at first.  The him who I had loved and given my heart to all those months before, the him who I wanted to make a life and a future with, him.  I texted him.  And he came.  He cooked me dinner and wrapped me up in warm blankets and held me while the chill worked its way out of my body and the ache out of my muscles and bones.  He cried with me and for me.  He was here - for me. He came back - to me.

Oh, my dear people, there are so many details that I am knowingly leaving out, but I do fully believe that day happened just as it should have.  That despite all that was, all that could have occurred, the right moments passed and the right people were involved.  Today, a mere 15 days later, I can truly say that what needed to happen did happen.  That the two hearts involved in this story were open to the Lord.  For years I prayed that the Lord would write my story and I fully believe he is.  He is writing a beautiful story.  One that has been filled with love, pain, joy, sadness, adventure, and intrigue.  In fact, he is still writing this story and I've only shared but one day. 

So, to you, I simply ask you for one thing.  Keep your hearts open to the Lord.  Pray to him even when it hurts and  you think there are no other options out of your current situation.  I know it's hard.  I've been there.  In some ways I am still there.  I know what it is like to wonder when your story gets to happen, when you are going to get to know love.  I know what it is like to hear everyone say trust in the Lord and His timing and you want nothing more than to scream at the injustice of that statement.  I know!  And I do not want to sit here and type those same words to you.  I truly don't.  I don't want to come off as flippant or callous, but it is another one of my lessons learned, because in all honesty it is all we have.  We must trust in the Lord and His timing.

To be continued....

(Teaser:  an earworm of sorts and the still quiet voice)

Much love, M