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Showing posts from 2018

The Journey in The Quest

I've been pretty quiet lately. Life has had its way of late. You know, those moments that turn into hours, which inevitably turn into days, then eventually weeks become, well, ultimately they become longer than you anticipated? Yes, those.  There's an old adage that says something along these lines -"The road of life is paved with good intentions," and yet another that says, "Life is what happens while you are making other plans." I don't know about you, but wouldn't it be nice if life just calmed down for a moment and let you have a say in it?! I recently finished a six week Bible Study called, The Quest , by Beth Moore. Ironically, the first day of this study was also a day that was immensely difficult for my husband, and in turn, me. For preservation's sake, I will not share the details of it, but know it was a storm that we did not want to weather and assuredly worked to negotiate any possible outcome that would prevent its occurrence. Agai

The Calmer of the Storm

I am currently in a Women's Bible Study hosted at my church's main campus. I love that I am geographically centered between our satellite campus (the one I regularly attend) and the main campus, but I digress. The Bible study is called, "The Quest" by Beth Moore. If you've never done one of her studies before, I encourage you to look into one. They are truly unique in their approach and delivery but you will, without a doubt, be filled with the truth of God's word. Now, back to this study! If you've followed my blog for any amount of time, you know my passion is teaching. It is the one thing, hands-down, I long to do with/in my life.  For those who are newer to this blog I'll spare you the deep dive (there are years worth of posts) - I have wanted to teach since elementary school. To save you some math that is three decades ago. While professionally I am not quite there, I don't doubt the doors are being fashioned and God will open them and allow

The Best Real Life

I have a love-hate relationship with social media.  First, I love it simply because I can keep up on many things, most importantly what is going on in the life of my family and friends. Hate, well, because it does nothing more than exacerbate the green feeling I get when I see those highlight reels. Let me explain. How many times do you see people post about the lost job? The broken-down 15-year-old car? The leaking roof?  The kid who does nothing but sass back (yes, even though you are a church-going family)? The list goes on and on.  Those types of real-life sharings are few and far between. In fact, I am guilty of it myself. Like, who cares about my real-life anyway?  How many times do you see people post about little Johnny's first place checkers tournament win, or little Sue's handmade basket - which she just happened to do while underwater in less than five minutes thank you, or Jim-bob's promotion to supervisor first-class special super duper awesome line leader,

The Weeds of Life

I worry. I worry so much I tend to get lost in my head and lose inordinate amounts of time. In fact, I'd be remiss if I didn't say worry incapacitates me on many levels. This past weekend, Sunday and Monday to be more exact, had me in a flurry of worry. Before I continue, yes, I do know that the Lord is an ever-present sign in times of trouble, that He carries my burdens, that He cares about all the little itty-bitty details of my life and all of that which concerns me. I also know He never promised me life without struggle. These things, I know. In the deepest parts of me, I know. But, then. It isn't that He isn't who He says He is.  No, it isn't that at all. It is more that I have a problem with taking my eye off the storm, the issue at hand. I didn't sleep last night. I didn't sleep much the night before. In fact, in my desire to push out all of that "stuff" clouding my brain, I read two books. I barely functioned outside of reading. I didn&

Whose Life is it Anyway

For my birthday, I bought The Message version of the Bible. I told myself as soon as I got to the New Testament in my current reading plan I would stop reading in the NIV and switch over to this one. I admit I took my sweet old time getting there. I was scared. It almost felt like I was doing something wrong reading any other version than the one I had been reading for as long as I could remember. But a funny thing happened as I was reading this story-like version - in my head, I heard the words in the NIV. I could relate and still do, the words I've read and heard, over and over, for the past few decades. That is when I was able to really open myself up to what I was reading. Then today, it hit me. I am still learning God's truths, and the post you are about to read is what He revealed to me this morning.  I've often looked for the "more" in life.  What can I do to be "more"?  I want to be better than I was the day before. This constant striving to be

Little Reminders

This past Sunday the message at church was on Matthew 6:24-35.  Before I go on with this post, I need you to know something about me. I am a worrier. No, actually I am more than that. I am a worrier that worries so much anxiety takes over. I am also a person who worries about things that may or may not happen, I can create a million and one outcomes for something that isn't even a thought in another person's mind or close to reality. It boils down to this - I worry incessantly over things that really don't deserve the time of day. Then, in the same breath, I also don't worry about things many people think deserve at least some level of concern. Yes, I am a complicated person.  Now, back to Sunday. As I shared in my Sunday morning post, the one I wrote and posted BEFORE church, we are in the middle of a new storm. It had pretty much knocked me down and all those worries started taking over.  I prayed/am praying, my husband prayed/is praying, I asked for unspoken prayer

Prayer and God's Wisdom

I've taken a few weeks off from writing, not just this blog but anything, really. It isn't that I haven't had words to share, more I didn't know how to share them. In these weeks I have tossed around the idea of starting another blog - one not associated with this one in any way and also written under a nom de plume if you will. Not because I  don't think the message is valid, it truly is, but because it needs to stand on its own two feet. In the process of designing this in my head, I had breakfast with a dear friend of mine. I shared with her the thoughts and ideas I had as well as the things that have been weighing heavy on my heart. Needless to say, this time in fellowship was exactly what my heart needed to rethink the process. I will not start a new blog, at this time. I will, however, add to the book I am writing as the content is appropriate for that. My book. I am a solid 12,000 words into it. Yes, I have roughly 70,000 to go for it to be where most peo

Today, I turned 40

I've purposely not blogged this month for several reasons. (Yesterday's post was actually written a month ago; I had simply forgotten to click "publish".)  In years past I have spent days leading up to this date in an anxiety/depression fog. I've lamented over June in many posts and have, in no uncertain terms, coined it a horrible month - perhaps for the only reason, it contains today's date. There are times in a person's life when they experience certain rights of passage. We can look back on those times - turning double digits, becoming a teenager, getting to drive, graduating high school, graduating college, making it on your own, getting married, starting a family, turning thirty (without a ton of gray), and like me, today, turning forty (with a ton of gray!). I admit I pushed this into the recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to ignore its inevitability, but alas, this too came to pass. Over the course of the past se

Yes and Amen

We sing this song in church. It is a simple song, which at first I admit I didn't fully understand its connotation. You can listen to it here .  I woke up this morning around 4 am, as I am apt to do lately, and this song was on my mind. Not softly, but blaring in my eardrums. ...faithful, you are...faithful forever you will be... I had to force myself back to sleep - it was much too early. I woke up less than two hours later and the song was still playing in my head. ...faithful, you are...all your promises are yes and amen... I know I have written several times about God's faithfulness and how I know, without a shadow of a doubt, He is who He says He is. But something struck me this morning. I don't think I have really, truly, looked at how His promises have been answered in my life. To be honest, in some regards, I equate his promises to answered prayers. I know! How completely selfish of me.  His promises have nothing to do with my prayers; rather they have eve

Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. As I sit here and reflect on the day I couldn't help but be drawn to youthful wishes and the way God answered prayer. I couldn't have been a young woman more than twenty years old when I cried out to the Lord for the first time. I wanted, more than anything, to be a mom. Sure, at that age I wasn't wholly prepared for what the role entailed but I was, none-the-less, hopeful for what it would bring. You see, I fully trusted and believed that having a child of my own would mean I would always have unconditional love. The kind of love I could give another and the love I would receive from another. Not because I was raised with that level of understanding, but because I wanted, more than anything, someone to prove my love to and someone I felt would do the same in return.  After all, don't mommies always love their babies and do for them everything they can?  Well, at least, I was going to be that mommy. God didn't answer my prayer at

Together - A Reflection on a Post About Marriage

I read a blog yesterday a friend of mine had shared on her Facebook page. It was about a woman, who after several years of marriage, six children, and countless other life experiences with the man she had married in her early years, still reveled in their love of one another. Sure, the premise of the blog had a physical undertone, but more than that it allowed the reader to relate to the fact - sometimes you just have to come together to get through it together.  I know I could relate. This post garnered many comments from other friends, and while I was unable to meet the level of understanding several of the others who commented on the post did, I still understood.  You see, unlike many of those who commented, I have been divorced and remarried - this gives a completely different view on the subject. Upon the first read, I was reminded how much stock we place in perfection while in a relationship. We, as a society, have gotten to a point where we believe a relationship needs to be

The Encouragement of Easter

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This morning, like many others, I awoke to numerous notifications on my phone.  One of which, was for a post made in the Christian Moms Who Write group I am a member of. The post was a simple question, made by the group founder and admin, "What encourages you most about the Easter celebration?" I didn't hesitate in penning (errr...rather swyping) my response. After all, the answer had actually been heavy on my heart since I awoke Friday. Good Friday is many things to many people. I look to it and see the good it holds - perhaps why it was coined as such - the fact my Savior willingly died for me.  However, to look at it in those terms only, in my eyes, is to miss the sorrow and to mourn its occurrence. I woke yesterday with the hymn, How Great Thou Art playing on repeat in my head. (My absolute favorite hymn.) And truly, who could deny His greatness? My verbatim response to her question was: "Easter encourages me on so many levels but before it does that, i

A Faithful Pour

I am not a very trusting person.  You can blame it on the number of ways and times people, and life in general, have let me down - I do.  I keep people at arms length because I don't inherently trust.  In new environments I rarely talk, and if I do it is about those things I feel are worthy of discussion.  To be honest, even if I know you for a long time, there is still a part of me that doesn't trust you.  Not that you are secretly plotting to do ill towards me, but because I don't even want to give you a chance to.  Call it what you will, I call it self preservation. It's an ugly beast of a thing that lives in my head. It causes me to destroy friendships before they get off the ground and alienate myself in many social settings (my social anxiety does a lot of this too...so it is hard sometimes to tell which beast is gaining ground). I find the older I get, the more introverted I become.  I don't know if it is from my general need to declutter my day and get hom

The Waters of Life

I'm not a water person. I don't long for beaches and ocean views for as far as the eye can see. I don't plan extravagant tropical vacations and I most certainly don't envy those who do.  Yet, I live in an area surrounded by water.  Lakes.  We are surrounded by lakes. LOTS of them and great big ones too - ahem...as in The Great Lakes . I can literally travel 20 minutes in any direction and be at a lake, river, or stream.  I am also not a fan of boats. They scare me.  It's not that they are inherently bad, but more because their sole purpose is to put me smack dab in the middle of said body of water and well, NO THANK YOU!!! Despite my general dislike for the water, I do appreciate the beauty of it. (I know, I often wonder about myself, too!) In fact, I don't mind looking at pictures of beautiful ocean/beach landscapes, hiking trails along a lake or river, and going to see certain bodies of water - like, say, waterfalls.  In fact, some of my favorite pictures ar

Motivational Monday

I am still in Proverbs. I admit, I've been reading slow these days. It's as if getting through the word isn't the same as getting in the word; the former is the goal, the latter is the prize.  I read all of Proverbs 20 this morning and while I found a couple nuggets to think on - or that hit home, it wasn't until 21:2 where I was stopped in my tracks. "A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart." If I may be honest, this verse scared me at first. Actually, it scared me a lot. I know it shouldn't because God is God and I am not.  I mean, why wouldn't He know all there is about me? In fact, it is comforting He knows every small detail about me and yet He loves me still - idiosyncrasies and all. But this verse tells me a little more about God and His level of knowing me. As people we are very selective with who we let into our lives. Ok, maybe not everyone is like this, but I am. I have two people (my Mr. and my best

The Cure for Bitterness

I love lazy mornings. Take today for example. The Mr. woke me up before he left for work and I drifted back to sleep. Then my alarm went off at six (don't ask me why I had it set, I have NO clue) and I promptly shut it off, but by that time my body was telling me to get up. Despite fighting myself on this, the dog felt it time to let me know she heard said alarm and she wasn't going to lay back down knowing I was here...for her...to do her bidding. Yes, I got up. I wasted time on my phone, as I am apt to do when I don't want to get around and/or think.  I found some interesting discussions concerning politics and gun control.  I read enough to know we are a deeply and horribly divided country - and I'm going to leave it at that, at least here. I watched a video about turning writing into a paying career and decided at that point I may not have the fortitude for it. I window shopped on Amazon.  I think I found the new decor I want for my dining room. And I flitted arou

I Wanted More

I woke up early today, earlier than normal. The Mr. hadn't even come in to give me a good-bye kiss yet (he leaves before 5 am). Yes, that early.  My brain has been completely stuck in a whirlwind. So many thoughts and ideas to get onto this virtual paper. I tried going back to sleep, but couldn't.  I tried dulling them away with time on the Internet, but was unsuccessful.  So here I am, instead of getting ready for work myself, writing to you - this vast unknown of readers. Below is a highly condensed version of the last twenty years of my life.  Highly. Condensed. I got my first house, a tin can really, in the fall of 1996. It was a small, but quaint trailer in a local trailer park. I shared it with my high school sweetheart and I was going to get married, have a couple kids, and spend my life in perfect happiness. I love looking back on my naivete. It wasn't that things couldn't have progressed like my romance novels said they could, but I wanted more.  So, I got a

I've Been Set Free

In the past two days I have been challenged.  Challenged in a way that I don't ever recall being challenged before. The Mr. and I are in a Small Group study through our church.  We are currently studying Francis Chan's "Forgotten God". If I can take a minute and share my utter love for his delivery of God's truths.  He is a phenomenal pastor and teacher.  I digress. For those who aren't familiar with the book, it is based solely on the work of the Holy Spirit and the work that only He can do in our lives.  Yesterday and today we spent some time reading the book and doing the accompanying workbook and can I say, we were both caught off guard.  Not in a bad way, but in a moment of 'aha-ness'!.  Then today at church the message was, for lack of better words, on point.  While much was said, I am still ruminating on the reason why Jesus came.  He came to set us free from the bondage of sin.  Yes, we all know this.  However, when we think of sins most are

Who Am I

"Who Am I?" At some point in life, everyone asks this of themselves in one way, shape, or form.   It is an age-old question.  For some, the answer is quick and they carry on with life in full confidence of each step and move they make.  For others, it is a daily quest wrought with wins and losses.  I am most assuredly closer to the latter than the former.  We live in a society that applies labels to people faster than Amazon can deliver a package. In fact, right now, typing this, I can be labeled a blogger.  I also have the honor of holding the labels - wife, mom, step-mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, cousin, friend, employee, the list goes on and on.  It, without a doubt, has no true end. Despite all these labels, I have one that has been mine since birth -  my name. I was blessed with a plain name. It has no frills, no elegance behind it, it is boring, and quite frankly I've hated it since I was old enough to know how to. I have often wondered at what level of disdai