Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Sometimes They Just Go Away

I thought about this a lot on my way home from work today.  The drive to and from work is typically the only personal time I get, ok, let me restate that, it is typically the only time where I can think with absolute silence.  After all, I get me time when I am running.  I digress.  On the way home today I started to think about the events of the last 19 months.  About the people in my life and their position there over that course of time.  You know, I want to be honest here, people come and go.  Allow me to explain.

Up until the time my husband left I had a pretty good group of female friends.  These ladies shared a lot in common with me, they were married with children and most of them had a career outside of the home.  We would get together from time to time, talk on the phone, or exchange emails and texts on a semi-regular basis.  Then when the unthinkable happened they were there for me, virtually around the clock.  They listened to me cry, the felt my heartache, and they comforted me.  They were my angels.  Then, then time passed.  The weeks that turned into months that turned into him never coming back and the divorce also turned into them going away too.

I don't think they planned it to happen.  I think they just didn't know what to do next.  People are like that.  You know when you have a group of friends and there are just so many things that are alike, basically the same because you are all in the same boat.  The boat where the underlying, un-stated understanding of everyday life just permeates the atmosphere.  Yeah, that.  Then when one of you has a life-altering event that puts you in a different boat that has a different course through differently charted waters - they go away.  Their boat heads in a completely different direction. That happened to me.  No longer was I a wife, mother and career woman; I was a single mom with a career.  Read that closely.  To some there isn't a distinction to those who know what I am talking about it is as clear as day.

And that is what happened.  Sometimes they just go away.  It has been almost 20 months since I have done anything with these ladies.  Oh, I've asked, but you see, it is almost like I have a disease now.  Like my singleness will rub off on them.  Like they are frightened by the fact that my husband walked out and perhaps that will lead theirs to do the same thing. Or the fact that I have 3 daughters that I am raising alone and they aren't?  I don't know.  What I do know is that it hurts.  This change.  These relationships that have withered away because my situation changed while theirs did not.  It seems that perhaps maybe I, too, have changed.  Not intentionally, but I won't deny that I have.

I miss them.  I would hope that they miss me too, but I think they have moved on.  We all have to.  We can't stay where we are.  In fact, even when we do, we don't.  It is just rather unfortunate that sometimes they just go away. I miss you dear friends, but I wish you well.  Perhaps when my situation changes again, and I am back in the wife, mom, career stage again we can reconnect.  But, I will more than likely also be a step-mom then too, which I suppose leads me into yet another different category.  To which, it has definitely all changed, hasn't it?