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Showing posts from 2016

Day 3: 2016

Today is the last day of 2016. While many people are preparing for the evening's festivities I will not be.  My middle Little asked me, just yesterday, what the big deal was about the new year and I simply told her, I don't know.  I have never really made plans for the New Year.  Well, there was the year I had just met my Mr. (2013) and he came to my friend's house just minutes before the New Year to share the holiday with me.  Otherwise, it has notoriously been a day to sit at home and do, well, nothing! I thought of several different things I wanted to write about today - how this year has been one of constant turmoil, a few struggles, a couple exciting events, and a daily reminder of who I am and where I fit in.  You see, there is much I don't share, not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how to. It will come, the words will come and then change will follow; I trust in that. The timing of which is still up in the air. I started this blog po

Day 2: 30 Interesting Facts

Day 2 of this 30-day challenge and I think I spent more time looking for a topic than I will have to on the writing bit!  Naturally, I went to Pinterest and after pinning several new lists, settled in on this topic: 30 interesting facts about yourself.  I got this!!! 1)  I love to read non-fiction.  This is something that has only come about in the past few years as story books started losing their appeal.  I will pick one up every once in a while, but for the most part, it's true stuff only for me! 2)  I don't have TV.  Gasp!  I know.  How completely un-American can I be? LOL.  We have the Netflix and Amazon Prime so if there is something I feel I need to sit and waste an hour or so of my life watching, I have the option available to me. 3) I do not like pop music.  Never have, even in my younger years. It's all rather tired and boring.  I prefer classic rock (which in my defense was pop-culture before my time!) 4) I have an eclectic style in everything - clothes, dec

One Thing To Do

Years ago, before my life took a drastic turn, I wrote a blog about a 30-day challenge.  The premise of that blog was to write something different every day for, well, 30 days!  I never got there.  I did blog many times over the course of that life change, but I never got to the challenge.  Despite that, I'd wager to say it was some of my most profound writing; personal opinion, of course.  Honestly, in the last several months I have felt the urge to write but am constantly fighting for the words to say, the things to share, the thoughts to come. It is almost like there is nothing left in me worth writing about.  It isn't that I am without problems or life events, it is just that they are all rather, normal.  Gasp!  My life is normal - I'm a normal human.  Anyway, before I get too much further into this aimless rambling, I thought I would give another go at this whole 30-day challenge thing. Before we begin, I have to admit Pinterest is a wonderful tool for finding random

Finding Joy

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy , peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. ” – Galatians 5:22-23 Just a couple of days ago, I shared with you all how much I hate Christmas.   I know.   I went there.   It was as if all of the joy for the day had been sapped out of me and there wasn’t anything left for me to do but grin and bear it, so-to-speak. There are a few things I want to pass on now that the hustle and bustle are over and a certain level of normalcy is returning.   Before I do, I need to let you know it is only through hindsight I can see what I am about to share.   None of it was in the moment, even if I did have the faint awareness of it during the time. On Christmas Eve I had the blessing of a good friend come and help me clean up the house and wrap the gifts Santa was leaving for the Littles.   Now this friend has many years of following and listening to God’s still small voice as she has traveled this thing ca

When Christmas Isn't Merry

Christmas is a really hard time of year for me.  Oh, it hasn't always been hard, just in the recent past few years.  For those who have followed this blog for any given amount of time, you know it was during the Thanksgiving/Christmas season that the ex-Mr. left.  I won't sit here and tell you there hasn't been some happy Christmas memories since that time, there have, but, there are also many that make this time of year hard.  I want to share straight off that this post will be raw - you don't have to read/finish beyond this point. It is during the Christmas season that I find in my heart so much hurt, pain, and, yes, even anger. I want to tell you I can pinpoint it to one exact thing, and maybe if I look at it hard enough I really can.  Christmas is supposed to be a time of celebration, a time to honor and remember the birth of our Savior. Yet, I have found that I cannot, especially at this time of year, put away all of the feelings I have about how Christmas is no

Perceived Perceptions

I don't know if I've shared this before or not, but I get caught up in perception. Not so much in how I perceive the actuality of something, but how I perceive what others are perceiving about me in the actuality of something.  I KNOW!  It is such a convoluted mess.   It is so stressful that it has my mind and my emotions all twisty -ALL. THE. TIME!  Here in lies the problem.  Allow me to explain. When I think I know how people are seeing me, I begin to act upon those perceived perceptions.  I put those ideas into play, despite how contorted and wrong they may be.  In some ways I know them to be completely wrong, and yet I am remiss to stop myself from believing them. And you know what?  It hurts.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have done this and wish I could take it all back.  How I wish I could undo the amount of time spent acting out those perceptions.  Most especially when they involve those I love. It's funny really.  A while back, I don't know wh

Finding Thanks To Give

Today is Thanksgiving.  Here in our neck of the woods it is cold, damp from 24 straight hours of rainfall the day/night before, and now dark (thank you daylight savings time for that reality at such an early hour ~ ok, fair is fair, mother nature has a thing or two to do with that as well...I digress!).  I need to be honest here - I didn't wake up today ready to feel thankful.  In fact, I woke up today not ready for today to happen - at all.  Oh, it isn't because I don't love Thanksgiving, I do.  In fact, of all the holidays we celebrate this one is my absolute favorite.  (Yes, Chrismas and Easter are wonderful, but I love those for completely different reasons.) Why? You might ask.  Well, for these reasons here.  Today my Littles are off with their dad meeting their new step-family (yes, he's getting married! To a woman that I actually admire and think is a great person and will be a wonderful influence and help in the girls' life), my family had their Thanksgiving

Buried Talent

I have a lot on my mind - things which may seem disconnected, but I am fairly certain are not. I need to be upfront and honest here; I am controlled by fear. It not only grips me but takes away any semblance of self-confidence I have.  I read a short article the other day on Forbes.com (one of my absolute favorite on-line magazines, by the way) about traits of unsuccessful people.  Why I felt compelled, I do not know.  Yes, actually I do - mostly because I see myself as an unsuccessful person. Anyhow, to my point.  It said, and I paraphrase, "unsuccessful people use misplaced aggressiveness to mask a confidence that is wrapped in insecurity." The WHAT you say?!?!  I know.  As if that wasn't profound enough to get the brain spinning, just last night the Mr. and I were watching an absolutely adorable British movie (another thing about me - I love British TV and movies, perhaps it is their unrequited desire to push all social envelopes and still meet the needs of all demogr

Today Just Was

I know life is about change.  I also know that life is going to be wrought with ups and downs, victories and defeats, joy and sadness, and so on.  I know, too, how we think plays a huge role in the outcome of each day. You see, today I could tell was going to be a rough day.  You know, one of those days where you wake up and you just "feel" it?!  That is when it happened.  Instead of thanking the Lord for giving me another day, I woke up, looked at myself, and felt instant disgust.  This feeling trailed me out the door and into the van.  Then at Starbucks this morning they messed up my drink, seriously who on earth forgets the double shot of espresso?  Sadly I didn't catch it until I was already on the interstate and took a big swig of my caramel flavored frothed milk...YUMMO... NOT !  But that wasn't even the clincher.  Here I was, finally going to get to work BEFORE 8 am and no...that coffee-less drink I just mentioned...took them over 15 minutes to make and I sadly

Choosing to Praise Instead of Pout

A few months back I made a really big decision. (I shared this in my last post.) It was a decision that was many years in the making.  One that was not easy in the least but was most certainly bathed in prayer.  I submitted my resignation.  After nearly 20 years in automotive and nearly 16 years in the same facility, it was time to move on.  I did this with the sole focus in mind to grow myself professionally once I completed my MBA. I would also like to share I have accepted a position with a company which prides itself on growing people and this is evidenced by the sheer number who work for them who have 20+ years of service and still love what they do!  I can not wait to see what the future holds for me with them.  That said.  My passion was, and still is, with education and teaching.  It is truly my heart's desire and what I long to do.  I want to teach so badly that when I do something as simple as to think about it I get all teary-eyed.  People, I know in my heart of hearts

What If?

The hardest thing about having a blog, besides ensuring  you actually write something, is knowing what to write.  There are many different seasons in life, things that seem so important at the time, but end up being just normal everyday stuff.  There are moments that are so insanely funny that you can't wait to share them but don't get to it straight away and then you forget what made them so funny, to begin with.  There are moments that are so bitterly painful that you can't help but want to share the experience in hopes that others know they too can get through it, or more likely the sharing is a part of the therapy. And I wonder, of all these things, which is the most successful?  Which is it that brings in the most readers?  Which is it that becomes the essential part of the author? Oh, how I long to write copious words full of insight, humor, raw emotion, but I lack it.  I lack it all. I feel like a painter with a pallet and canvas, but no paint.  Like an architect w

One Goal at a Time

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It's been a while.  Oh, I've been here behind this monitor pounding away fervently at this well worn keyboard, but the words I've been bringing to life haven't been the ones meant for you.  I am happy to report I am three weeks away from completing a life-long goal.  I don't know when I last shared it or if I've shared it at all, but my dream, the one I've had since I was a little girl - a little girl who was so full of hope and wonder and belief in dreams and them coming true - is to become a teacher. Sure I've had opportunities over the years to teach and train and grow and inform others, but never as a career. Never in a school.  Never in a way that I've wanted to for as long as I can remember.  We'll start there. I have so many friends that still, at our ages, don't know what they want to be when they "grow" up.  They don't know what kind of work would make their hearts soar, that would bring joy to their hearts. Ar