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Showing posts from 2012

Simply Today

There were many things that complicated today and many things that made it all the better.  The biggest complication, or rather let-down, was the discovery of overly anticipated expectations.  I seem to have a really good knack lately of setting myself up for more heartache.  Call me an optimist.  *shudder* However, despite all of drama today held there were a couple moments that made my day - the message at church and a phone call from a dear friend.  I can't even begin to describe how God is speaking to me through our prayer time and through other people.  The past couple of days had compounded some additional heartache and sadness, to a point I wasn't even sure how I could possibly hurt anymore.  I mean seriously how is it possible?  But as they say; where there's a will there's a way.  I knew in my heart of hearts that more than anything I wanted to go to church today.  Actually, to be quite honest, there is no other place on Earth right now I'd rather be.  I

Getting Back To It

There's nothing quite like a broken heart to rip away your desire to do, well, everything.  Granted I've gotten through my days, and by that I mean I have woke up, shuffled through the motions, made an attempt at being human, and then gave into what little tear ravaged sleep my body would allow me to have.  It isn't that I don't have a desire to live each day, because really I do, I look at each one as a new opportunity to continue in my fervent prayer for a miracle.  I also have three beautiful daughters that require me to put forth my best and support them.  However, this gaping hubby sized void in my life is taking its toll.  But I still have my hope, my faith in the Lord, and my belief that all things work towards His good.  I'm learning during this tragic time.  I shared a bit in my last post, the one where I finally shared the pain that has ravaged my life for the past 2+ months.  I've learned that when you truly give your life to the Lord, not just via

Hold My Heart

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I've searched, fervently, for something to heal my broken heart.  I stumbled across a picture on the web that gave me the only answer I really needed, you can see it below.  It wasn't that my vision was skewed, its that my mind couldn't, wouldn't, focus.  After all, my heart is in a thousand little pieces.  I hurt.  My pain is greater than I have ever experienced.  I've been dealt a death blow, I'm crushed.  But, I've found a few things.  I've found the depth of love my church family and friends have for me.  I've found, that I'm still alive, a feat in and of itself, but I am breathing, in and out, though labored by the incessant crying.  Oh these tears, how they burn.  My eyes, so puffy.  My stomach, in knots.  All these a reflection of the pieces my heart is in.  It's a funny thing, really.  How this organ that circulates life has the capacity to ache, to feel heavy over the loss.  In case you didn't know I lost something, rather some

The Lesson in the Pain

We have all been told, from the moment we were able to understand, that everything happens for a reason.  Next we are told that whatever doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.  Then, we are schooled in the fine art of learning from what has wronged/pained us.  Sadly, it is hard to see past the hurt while it is happening.  It is hard to see any perspective other than the one that is your own reality, because let's face it, when it hurts there are no other sides, just the one facing you.  It is the proverbial elephant in the room.  There are different perspectives, rather other people's points of view, that you can get.  You can ask a random person, a friend that has the same core beliefs you do, a friend that doesn't, an acquaintance, or your own troubled self.  With each of these you are going to hear the right things and the wrong things; the things you need to hear and those things that are so wrong you wish to crawl in a hole and hide from that person.  In all

The Happiness That Follows

Today I had the pleasure of teaching our adult Sunday School class.  I have to admit I was planning on doing something completely prosaic like, "Trusting God when you don't want to," or "Trusting God in the face of adversity," or...OK, you get the point.  It isn't so much that these aren't great topics, because in all actuality they are, and for those of us who wept Tuesday this was more in tuned to that reasoning.  BUT, in all of my ever increasing lack of time I failed to put something together.  Understandably so, it is most impossible to wing 50 minutes on a title alone...there must be substance!  SO, what did I do? I put in a video.  The DVD set is on the 12 best small group studies of all time.  I'm not really sure who made that decision, which panel or board, or what not, but all I have to say is "know your audience!"  It worked though - this video we watched.  It was titled, "When I don't desire God."  Yeah, that'

Trusting God

This week started out like any other; Monday following Sunday.  We had a busy weekend working on the house.  That's the thing about homes, there is always more work than time.  I have been super excited because my hubby and I finally got a bedroom suite, it has only taken 11+ years.  While he was at work the girls and I spent the weekend cleaning, building, organizing, and cleaning some more.  I was so excited to see the finished product, hoping the feeling was shared. That's the end of the beauty of the week, right before it had a chance to get started.  I suppose I shouldn't say that, Monday and Tuesday weren't half bad.  However, Wednesday the bottom fell out.  It was, I have to say, the worst day of my life.  That's the thing about life, you never know what it will throw your way.  Sometimes the surprises are beautiful and welcomed warmly, like the joy of becoming a parent, but there are times when the surprises rip the very core of your being to pieces.  That

Free Stuff

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OK, I know you were all expecting "Day 3," rest assured it is coming...well, as soon as I figure out how to explain my day with only using shades of red as my adjectives...well...yeah. Anyhow, back to the free stuff.  Yes, I did say free ! So, the wickedly awesome people over at Influenster have this thing called a Vox Box.  (No this is not  a Dr. Suess type widget!)  What this is, is a box of goodies they put together based on surveys you take.  How it worked for me... This past May my friend posted on her FB a photo of the Vox Box of goodies she received from Influenster.  Naturally, the words FREE and GOODIES had me typing frantically on my keyboard to get to their site.  Super easy this whole process was.  I made a log in, took some surveys (you get badges for doing this, which was kind of like bringing back my inner Girl Scout), and waited.  Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part, but never fear there are lots and lots of badges to earn while you whittle away at t

"Day" 2 - Grandpa's Chair

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I see him, in my mind's eye, sitting there at the kitchen table like every day before reading his newspaper, drinking his coffee, and smoking his Winston.  The radio is softly playing in the background, turned to some county station that I am sure no longer flows on the radio waves.  The faint smells from the pot of coffee brewed earlier in the morning, while the rest of the house slept peacefully.  The gentle hum of the fridge that was undoubtedly older than I was, at the time. The roll top desk nestled against the north facing wall, under the sliding window, the telephone hanging prominently on the wall to the right of it.  The desk surfaces covered in an organized chaos that only made sense to the one person who managed its contents, my grandpa. Grandpa was a good man, strong yet soft at the same time.  He loved us all, but I find a small bit of comfort in knowing him longest.  I also weep at that fact for it made many more memories to hold.  I'll never forget the sunny da

"Day" 1 - A Definition

I forewarned you that my "days" would not be literal; the fact I'm just now getting to day 1 is a good indication I was not wrong.  I didn't realize how hard this challenge was.  I mean, they seemed so easy when I was typing them in.  It is hard to unthink a "known" definition of a word.  In fact, I think it may even be easier to think of a new word altogether.  (This is something I actually do, or rather I combine random words and phrases to create utter strangeness, my bestie calls these mandyisms. I concur!) However, day 1 has been set, and the challenge I must complete.  I'm no quitter after all! There were so many words that I tossed around for this one.  In fact, while streaming the VP debate last night I actually wrote this post and had used the word - stress.  After the debate I reread it and realized that it wasn't a good representation of me or my writing, so I scrubbed it.  Perhaps because some would call it malarky?!  (Sorry, couldn'

Hobbies and a 30 "Day" Challenge

Do you have a hobby?  Why'd I ask, of course you do!  Everyone does actually, some just don't give it that definition.  I have several.  You can read my bio for the full list.  Out of them all, I'd have to say writing is my favorite, though it is the one I exercise the least.  Why?  It's hard.  It's one of those things you actually have to engage multiple parts of your person at once to make happen.  How?  Well, the brain...nah, not going to go there.  Seriously though, writing  IS hard.  This is something that leaves you a lot more vulnerable to critique than any other.  Granted you can keep it in, hidden in the journals that your loved ones generations down the line will stumble upon while cleaning out their attics, or you can be bold and put it out there where the world, should they so chose, to see.  Alas, I do both.  Today, the world won. One of my favorite new sites is Stumble Upon.  Haven't heard of it?  Go forth and enjoy by clicking here .  Wait!   F

When Life Isn't Fair

It seems more and more things are happening that make life, well, just awful.  They are things like: not getting picked for something, not being included, working really hard on something only to have it fail, losing a job, a friend, a loved one, and the worst thing, not knowing how to help someone who has had one of these things happen to them.  This has been a bad week.  Truthfully, it makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs, from the tallest peak, GOD WHY ?  WHY ?  Why is this happening and what can I do about it?  Please don't misunderstand me, this isn't about me, this is about those I can't help.  This is about my abject smallness compared to the bigness of what's the matter.  It's the fact that it can't be undone.  It's the constant wanting to make it all better, yet not having a clue as to where to start.  It's about seeing people you care about hurting, deeply, and wanting their pain to go away.  It's about wishing I could do more for

One Car, Two Car - Red Car, Blue Car

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"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere." - Dr. Seuss One car two car red car blue car. Black car  blue car old car new car.   Barry Weise - Storage Wars Mizpah Shriners This one has a little star. This one is a little car. Say! what a lot of cars there are.                                       Yes.  Some are red. And some are blue. Some are old, And some are new.   Some are steamy. And some are gleamy. And some are very, very dreamy. Why are they steamy and gleamy and dreamy? I don't know. Go ask your Aunt Mimi. Some are thin. And some are fat. This one has an orange hat. From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere. Here are some that like to run They run for fun in the hot, hot sun. Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! What a lot of funny things go by. Some have two seats and some have four. Some have six seats and some have more.

Labor Day Weekend

My favorite weekend of the whole year is almost here - Labor Day weekend.  It isn't the holiday that does it for me, because truthfully, well, it is just another day.  (In fact this year I am blessed with the opportunity to work it! - Yes, my dears, that is sarcasm.  Come now, don't act surprised...) No, it is what this weekend holds.  This weekend signifies the transition from the lazy days of summer into the crisp, ever-increasingly fast paced days of fall.  A season which I hold to be my most favorite of all.  Saying good bye to August with its tortuously hot days which were filled with the laughter of children as they ran about and hello to September with its promise of more sedate temperatures, quiet streets, and empty yards.  However, Labor Day weekend is more than the end of a season, and the beginning of another; it is  the return of routine and structure in the forms of classrooms and schedules.  For some it is quite chaotic and truly expensive.  As a mother of th

My Kitchen Curtains

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Have you ever set out to redecorate a room in your home?  I find this one of the most infuriating things to do as a homeowner.  I swear I have used every color of paint known to man on these walls and still struggle to find that one color that just makes me swoon every time I enter the room. Because of this my walls are a lovely, albeit safe, shade of off white; though I am sure it has some fabulous name like - Barely There, Crushed Seashell, or Not Quite White.  But it comes across as truly B-O-R-I-N-G !  I mean, I have an intense personality and I am NOT afraid of color...heaven's you should see what I wear.  So, how do I take that and transform a room, and not spend a week's or a month's salary doing it?  Here's the dilemma.  I don't know what I like!  I know, right?!  How on Earth do I start when I don't know where to start?  Ok, perhaps I do.  I like red.  I like contemporary/modern, bit not overly geometric.  I like floral, but not itty-bitty prints.

Comma, comma, chameleon

No, I am not having a 1980's flashback nor am I in love with Boy George.  Although, Karma Chameleon is a catchy tune.  just work with me here... We all have passions in life, mine is writing.  However, I am a lousy writer.  I don't know the ins and outs of sentence structure.  Sure, I know what a noun and a verb are. I can even tell you what an adjective and an adverb are.  But, that is about the extent of my knowledge.  I struggle with the simplest of things, like commas.  Oh...my...word!  I am quite certain there was a time in school (elementary, middle, and high - just for reiterations sake) that an English teacher attempted to drill the facts into my brain.  Sadly, the only thing that I remember is that small little factoid that told me a comma is to act as a natural pause in a sentence.  Well, isn't that a fun fact?!  BUT...it isn't always so great for someone like me who writes like they talk, or rather think.  I think, and talk, in chunks.  It's like words

A Fresh Dose of Random Thought

The foot traffic on this blog seems to be as up and down as my moods of late.  I'd like to say that I have an even-keel demeanor, but I'd hate to mislead you.  I've been contemplating this post for a couple of weeks now.  What to say and how to say it or rather what to share and how to share it.  I say a lot, most of it isn't shared!  I am fresh out of snarky witticism, but I do have a fairly good handle on, well, me. (At least momentarily...hehehe) 1. You can't make people like you, accept it and move on. 2.  Not everyone you meet will understand you.  The lengthy process of explaining yourself will get lost in translation. 3. Life will happen. 4. Politics are an evil necessity.  Being neither a Democrat nor a Republican makes it a lot more difficult in an election year. 5. Your life is your life, don't let someone else tell you how to live it. 6.  Accepting constructive criticism is often a hard pill to swallow. 7. When it comes down to it, there is on

The Windy City

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There are few places on this Earth I truly love.  Truth be told, there are few I have traveled to.  Regardless, there are a few that keep a little piece of my heart each time I go.  There are those places that are awe inspiring and breathtaking, they are precious reminders of God's perfect creation; then there are those that are mostly man made but leave you just as breathless.  (No, I'm not putting man up there with God, sheesh!)  One such place is Chicago. Every single time I go I long for the chance to return.  In fact, when I was little I used to dream of some day moving to the city and finding my prince charming in a magnificent condo on Lake Shore.  We'd take long walks on Navy Pier and Michigan Avenue.  We'd watch the Bears every time they played at home and I'd never be more than a block from a coffee shop.  However, grown-up life isn't like that, but it is just as wonderful.  Because as a grown-up I can still visit the city (something a lot more afforda