For those who have stumbled across this blog or specifically chose to read it; think back on your most recent relationship. Do you remember the first day you met this person? Who initiated the relationship? OK, now if applicable, look at previous ones, who was the one to initiate those? I am the one who initiated the relationship with my current husband, my previous one, and every boyfriend/date I had prior to that. I can say with 99% certainty that I have never been asked out. (I secretly wonder what it would feel like to know someone liked me enough to do that. But anyhow...) The real reason that I am asking this has everything to do with my devotions this morning.
I am in James, yes still, and James 4:7-8 really hit home. "Submit yourselves, then, to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." It was the "Come near to God and He will come near to you" that had me. Why? Well, for all of my "dating" years I was the one to initiate a relationship. I would walk right up to the person and say something like: "hey, you want to go to a movie?" Yet, with God I seem to want Him to make the first move. I want Him to take the initial step. But why? Subconsciously I am telling myself it is because I am tired of being the one to make the first move, but honestly it may be because I'm scared.
Scared, that taking that first step and "asking God out on a date" will require me to be someone else. Of course this is irrational thinking because God never changes the good characteristics of a person, only the bad ones. However, I think it is my bad ones that are the most comfortable to me. After all, they have been my security blanket for quite a few years. I'm going to have to think on this, I mean, I want the relationship to grow. I already have His number, so to speak, and know how to contact Him at any time, but that first step just seems so hard. Seriously, what IF He said no? Yeah, I know, He never says no to the right things.
Wish me luck...