Posts

Showing posts from 2015

To Be Candid

Previously, as in just the last post, I told you about my insane love for Christian books that turn God's truths into practical application.  I think I may have also told you that I tend to read 3 to 4 of these types of books simultaneously.  I can't help it.  Perhaps it is the fear of actually finishing the book or it's the fact that I get caught up in a certain writer's prose that  I need the distraction of another's for the words to really sink in; and by distraction I simply  mean thought process.  I have so much that I want to write about.  Yet much of what I want to share I cannot - for fear.  Not fear that you random people will backlash, but fear that those I know will take my words and twist them so incoherently that the point will be lost in their interpretation of my thought.  Yes, this does weigh on me. I want to be candid. I want to throw out the words, the feelings, and the struggles I am having.  I want to know I am not the only one in this positio

Not my Strength Alone

I've been very lax in my writing to  you, or perhaps it is better said, in writing to myself.  Oh, yes, you are the reader, sure, but it is for my soul, my clarity, my health that I write.  Oh, I don't mean for that to sound, well, mean, but it is true.  It's been an eventful year.  I'd like to say that it has been all rainbows and roses, but honestly it has been rife with clouds and thorns as well.   But through those times, there has been growing and learning.  I think that there is a lot to be said in that.  Growth.  I think there is a reason we "grow" as a child, so that when we are older we don't remember the growing pains that we had to endure to get where we are.  Honestly, though, I think that growth as an adult is much, much harder.  The things that are learnt are above and beyond that of anything taught in a school book.  Real life doesn't have an answer book. Speaking of books, I have a very particular pallet when it comes to what I read. 

Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

Image
In case I've never shared this before - I sell makeup.   No, not Mary Kay or Avon, but Younique.  Don't worry, this post won't be a sales pitch, you can stay here and read a while!  Today I was a part of a Small Business Expo in the town next to here.  To be quite honest I was petrified to do this.  I mean here I was going to be in a room with ladies who have done this sort of thing for a long time, but I didn't give into the fear.  Even though I was there early I was not the first person there.  I got everything set up in a short bit and was quite impressed with how it looked.  Professional - eh, in my mind's eye!  (Of course I have my friend to thank for that, she let me barrow all of her display stuff!)  But again, this isn't even about all of that.  No, it is bigger than that. People, I did it!  Me!  I put my fears aside, I put my nerves and shakes away and brought out the me that was confident and strong.  I know this had a lot to do with the fact I lov

An Essay and a Prayer

I did something brave yesterday.  Well, actually it started a few days before that.  And actually it isn't all that brave.  A big step, yes.  Brave, no.  What did I do?  I filled out my application, submitted my essay, and got 3 recommendations for Grad School.  I am equal parts excited and petrified.  I haven't heard back from them yet.  I am taking this solely as a sign that my essay is in a big pile on a desk and hasn't been reached in queue; not that it has been rejected and the letter hasn't found its way to my mailbox yet. Ok, I may be exaggerating a wee bit, it has been less than 24 hours and I'm quite certain these things take longer than that! In the meantime I have spent so much time wondering why I did this.  Then telling myself that I did it for all of the right reasons. I read one of my devotionals today and wouldn't you know it had something to do along these lines.  Now, I'd like to tell you that it affirmed my decision, but in all actuality

The Power of Prayer

Let's get a little deep, shall we?  This past Sunday, guess that was just yesterday, we had a wonderful service at church.  First there was the Sunday School lesson.  I'm not going to lie to you, I absolutely LOVE my Sunday School.  I don't know if it is the lessons we learn, the conversation, or all of the people in my class.  Honestly, I think it is all, because all those things together have grown us all together.  I truly find myself without words when I think of the blessing this class has been to my life.  However, that isn't the point to this, well, mostly. You see, I have a very bitter heart from time to time.  My heart will think the worst of people.  It will fabricate the meanest of thoughts and unspoken words.  My heart scares me sometimes.  I'm quite certain from this utterance you have all counted me as being a vile person and are now forming labels to put on me.  That's ok if you are, this is something that is coming from your heart, something de

I Used to Be

Image
Today at work we were all rehashing "the glory days."  You know, those days where earning the varsity letter, hanging out with your friends, perhaps having a part time job, and counting the days until graduation where all there was to live for.  In my office we have some pretty good "used to be" stories.  It's actually quite impressive, but alas, we are all in an office doing our bit to make a company run instead of out making millions with the skills from our "used to be's."  I got to thinking, I know, a terrible habit of mine!, about last summer and the summer before that, you know, when I used to be a runner.  I have had one injury after the next, all with my knees, and the verdict is overuse.  So, I used to be... I'm going to be honest, not being where I was physically weighs on me.  It tears me apart mentally and emotionally.  Why?  Because in my mind's eye, I used to be pretty good.  I used to get on myself for not running a sub 8-m

Even Grown-Ups Need Grown-Ups Sometimes

It has been a quite some time since I have shared a post in which I spoke of my grandma.  However, today, I am missing her like crazy.  Actually it has only been in the last few hours where I've missed her so much it hurts.  You see, a lot of women have moms where they can go and talk to them about everything, where they can seek advice, tell them about their day, and all those other joys.  If not a mom, then well an aunt or woman of sorts.  Me, I had my grandma.  In some ways my grandma was like a mom to me, well, in a lot of ways, but mostly because she just was there for me.  I could talk to her about absolutely anything and she didn't try to fix it, correct, berate me, one up me, belittle me, hurt me, chastise me, or turn it into something about her by cutting me off mid sentence.  My grandma was the best.  In the last couple years of her life her memory wasn't the best, and with that came some moments when talking with her were more difficult than others, but still I

Writing 101

Almost 3 years ago I started a 30 day challenge and then my life turned upside down.  In those subsequent months I found words and strength and advice that I know only came from the good Lord above.  That said, a few days ago I came across a blog (I dearly love blogs) that detailed a woman's journey to finding her inner writer, her desire to become one.  I took notes, as I am often apt to do, and from there decided that I too, would start on this journey to become a writer.  After all, wasn't it Lao Tzo that said, "A journey starts with a single step" or in this case a single word?! To share what I read/learnt: 1. Make a goal. Umm, hello, as with all things in life this is a good start. 2. Try out your goal before committing.  Ok, I'm a runner.  Or at least I was until, well, other things deterred me from it, but I am.  I am a runner.  One of the biggest things with running is that you have to...let me stress this...HAVE TO make a goal, a commitment if you wil

A by-product of Compassion

I have to be honest, there are times when I can't hold on to the joy, the happiness.  Now, before you get the wrong idea about what I mean, I need to be completely open here - the underlying thing I'm talking about it the true essence of compassion, but we will get to that. If any  of you have followed me for any length of time, and many of you have you know that I've had some ups and downs over the past few years.  Now, I won't recount them all because frankly it isn't the basis for this post.  I've come to realize that nothing, absolutely NOTHING prepares you for something except to actually go through it!  NEWS FLASH!!  I KNOW! Here's the thing, while yes, I've been broken, rocked to the core and torn in two, I've also been healed, loved, knitted back together, and blessed immeasurably.  True, not each of those things happened in a succinct step-by-step manner, and often times I had to relearn a step or two.  Which brings me to where I am righ

Write My Story - Part 3

Image
It's been months!  MONTHS since I've shared with you all.  Part of me has thought about you so often, my dear friends and readers who've read my tear stained words, who've triumphed with me, and who've wanted to box my ears on some occasions.  I've been here, but joyfully busy.  So much so, that I had to re-read my last post to find where I left you.  I didn't really leave you, you know, I was just simply gaining more information for my story.  My story.  Oh my word guys.  Hey you guys!!! (If you didn't just have a Goonies flashback you may not have had an epic childhood...I digress!) My story.  I have one.  One given to me by a God who has loved me and never left me.  I was given a story because God had the one...the perfect one to help fill the pages of a blank book he created before I even came to be.  I think the greatest thought behind all of that is knowing that he's done the same for us all.  Yep, even when you don't think you have one, yo

Write My Story - Part 2

The days that past were such a blur.  Even now, looking back, I can't for the life of me remember each little detail, but I do recall the beauty of it.  First, and foremost, I need to alert you to the fact we are about to embark on a full case of "sappy".  As in a sappy love story.  Man, I have waited so long for this kind of a story.  One of my own that is.  Trust me I've read a lot of others! In the days that followed December 20th it seemed like every dream I ever had finally come true.  Naturally it was the Christmas season and that alone carries a multitude of magic and love, but this year, even when I never would have thought it could be, my Christmas miracle finally came.  You see, from December 20th on we were inseparable.  It was almost like we'd never met before and we were just getting to know each other all over again. (You know how fun and exciting those first months are.) But at the same time there was the peace and comfort of knowing that each tho

Write My Story - part 1

December 20th was a big day for me for many reasons - a 50k relay (epic!), a potential love that became lost, and true love that returned.  As many of you are aware my boyfriend broke up with me (officially) on November 17th, 2014; a day that crushed me to the core.  We had been together for well over a year.  There are so many things I could share about the days in between (and probably will - in due time), but it is December 20th that the real story begins to unfold.  I should let you know that God works in ways that we will never fully understand, for this I am so grateful and thankful.  Yes, even when I throw a temper tantrum in between, to which you may have read the words... There are times we learn life lessons in which we are unsure as to why we learn them, of why the pain of the moment must rest on us and be seared into our memories, but learn them we do.  In the many long days following the breakup I fought hard to hold on, to show him how much I loved him, but there came a