There always seems to be a million things to type, when I'm not in a position to do so. i wonder what would happen if I were to make several posts a day? Would I be spamming myself? Would I be letting on that my mind is never at ease, that it is always in a constant flux? Would this revelation be for the benefit of myself or perhaps that of a stranger passer-by?
I had such high hopes for this weekend. Grand ideas of perfection which I carefully weaved in a story-book-esque manner for myself. However, real life, in no way shape or form, ever plays itself out in that manner. Granted, there are some days that are better than others, some in which you never want them to end because they are the glittering hope of idealism made whole.
i get myself in a mental state at times, one in which I wish I was still on Zoloft, where I can not think of anything past the confinements I place on myself. These are the times that I get so tired. I want to do nothing but sleep, and my body wants to do nothing but acquiesce. That was this past Friday. What may you ask could be so bad that I'd be this overcome. Ah, but my dear reader, if I had the answer, the puzzle would no longer need to be thought out. I have theories, and they all, sound like I want them to; which may, or may not, resemble the truth of what it really is.
However, what I can depart as a truth, as I know it to be wholly so, is that I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed by the things that my heart wants me to do and the things that I have to do. Such as, my degree. My passion is not in my current pursuit, but I am not a quitter and I will give it all that I have. It has/is wearing me out. I am tired. My days blur and I cannot find a beginning and an end. I am exhausted and yet exhilarated by the possibility of completing my schooling.
That brings me to one final thought for this post, what is God's will for my life? What path is He wanting me to go down? Where will He take me? Have I already missed out on what it is that He would have for my life, due to the pursuit of other things? I just know that no matter what, I want to be welcomed home with opened arms and be told; "Well done good and faithful servant."