I've had a busy day. Run the Littles here and there, flat tire, work from home, spend time with friends, run the Littles here and there again, fix dinner, answer emails - busy. While waiting for my oldest Little's choir performance to begin I goofed around on my phone, but even that couldn't give my wandering mind rest. So I silenced my phone and placed it in my purse and pulled out my Bible. Yes, I carry it everywhere with me. Yes, I have a phone app, but there is just something altogether more special about turning the pages, feeling the leather binding, holding God's truths in hand. And I read. Right where I left off. Sometimes I think God knows where we are and not just in life, but in all things.
2 Peter 1:5-9: "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you posses these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins."
I'm having a particularly hard day. At today's choir program there were families (moms and dads) there supporting their child singing. It was just me. I shook it off, I had to. I chose not to dwell on the aloneness that encompasses my life and sat there and cheered my little girl on, just like everyone else did theirs. It wasn't until I picked my other two Littles up from my parent's house (they had a children's Christmas party to attend and I simply couldn't be in two places at once) and headed home that what I read started weighing on me. After we got home the girls' friends came over and they all headed upstairs to play while I cleaned. I think the Lord uses times like these to fully bring us to Him. At this moment I was washing dishes, cleaning off the remnants of a meal now long forgotten and I heard Him ask, "Will you still say yes to me?"
I caught my breath. "Yes Lord, but..." "No, Mandy, not but, will you still say yes to me?" I knew what he was asking. Will I still chose him even if he never allows me the honor of having a forever someone. Will I still chose him if a husband never comes. Will I still say yes to following him and his will for my life. "But you know what I want Lord." "Will you still say yes to me?" I won't lie, there mixed with the soapy water and dirty dishes were my tears. Tears that are new because I hadn't expelled them all yet for the day. Tears that were full of the answers I knew to give, the ones I wanted to give, and the ones I didn't want to give. "Yes, Lord. Yes, I will still say yes to you even if you say no to me."
Understand that my tears haven't stopped. In fact, they are here, now, at the back of my eyes as I type because I know that faith should bring goodness; goodness, knowledge; knowledge, self-control; self-control, perseverance; perseverance, godliness; godliness, mutual affection; mutual affection, love. And as these things multiply in my life, just as the tears in the soapy water that washed the remnants of ick off the dishes, I will know that God has washed away my sins. He has made me with a purpose and that to find that purpose truly all I have to say is, yes.
Food for thought.