Monday, August 26, 2013

Putting it Together

I find it ironic that, for the past couple of days, my devotionals have been almost word for word with my blogs. OK, that may be stretching it, but my blogs, now that I have caught up with my devotionals, seem to follow suit.  (Or the timing of my experiences I should say.)

EXCERPT FROM MY DEVOTIONAL:
Galatians 3:4 says, “Were all your experiences wasted? I hope not” (NCV). Don’t run away from your past. Because of pain, many people deny their past, ignore their past, discount their past, regret their past, or resent their past. They revise their past and make up stories because they’re happier dealing with the lie than the pain of the past. But if you’re in denial, God can’t use your experience for good. God can use every experience in your life for good, but you’ve got to stop running from them. You have to embrace your experiences. Maybe your parents weren’t that great, maybe you weren’t that hot in school, maybe you weren’t the football captain or the prom queen — so what? They’re your experiences. Own them.

And that is just it.  I am owning my experiences.  Finally.  Or fully.  Either way, you all are getting an open, honest assessment of my personal experiences.  Heaven's my entire blog is a level of my transparency.  It is the coming to terms with my experiences that I am most hard pressed to accept.  The thing that I struggle with.  I know all things happen for a reason.  That in all things God hopes that we lean on Him and His teaching to do the right thing.  I  also know that God will never trump our free will, but He will use the lessons from those choices for His good.  And that, that right there, is what I am hoping for.  Not that I think I need anything special, but that I truly do not want another to hurt the way that I hurt.  I do not want another to have to be in the same place I am in right now.  I'm not naive enough to think my words will fully deter someone, that I am the only one to have experienced such things, or that I will be the last, but, and this is a big one, I am the only one to experience them my way.

Hear me out.  God is teaching me something here.  Truth, I'm hating the lesson.  I'm hating the pain the lesson is creating, but just as with running a race you have to get through the pain to get to the reward.  I want the reward.  I'm eager to know what that is.  Oh, don't get me wrong I would love to personally tell God what I want it to be, but I know (and I STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT THIS) He knows better than I do.  He knows what I need more than I do.  I just have to have faith in that knowledge. I also know He will give me the desires of my heart.  But in so doing, they are going to be under His timing, His design, and ultimately ONLY when I have fully resigned to His will and have full dependence upon Him.  Basically, I have to stop chasing after it myself.  I need to let it all go and let Him have it. 

I know there are a lot of people who will read this and say, "atta girl, you're finally getting it."  I also know that these same people are not struggling with the same thing, that they don't know what the personal trials and tribulations I am going through actually feel like, but in all honesty, I may not know theirs.  I really want you all to know, if you stick around, I'm going to keep up the transparency.  I'm going to lay it all out there and at the end of this one, the one I am dissecting now, if you are still here, then I know you will understand that sometimes the good in a person has never left, but sometimes gets covered up by the stuff of the world.  But God came to free the world and I am just one person longing for that freedom while waiting for the rewards along the way.

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