The Cure for Bitterness

I love lazy mornings. Take today for example. The Mr. woke me up before he left for work and I drifted back to sleep. Then my alarm went off at six (don't ask me why I had it set, I have NO clue) and I promptly shut it off, but by that time my body was telling me to get up. Despite fighting myself on this, the dog felt it time to let me know she heard said alarm and she wasn't going to lay back down knowing I was here...for her...to do her bidding. Yes, I got up.

I wasted time on my phone, as I am apt to do when I don't want to get around and/or think.  I found some interesting discussions concerning politics and gun control.  I read enough to know we are a deeply and horribly divided country - and I'm going to leave it at that, at least here. I watched a video about turning writing into a paying career and decided at that point I may not have the fortitude for it. I window shopped on Amazon.  I think I found the new decor I want for my dining room. And I flitted around on Pinterest.  I wonder if the Mr. will like the new paint color I'm thinking of?!

A couple hours, a clean kitchen, and some breakfast later I finally opened my Bible. Don't ask me why I waited so long today to do what I know to do first.  I could rationalize it away as how I wanted to be more awake, have my surroundings just so, or any number of excuses, but the thing is they would be just that - excuses.

I'm in Proverbs right now.  I love Proverbs. Maybe it is the fact they are like a bunch of rules all in list form.  I like rules.  Sure there are some I am less fond of - like paying taxes, but I do them anyway.  I digress. Nested in those rules are rich nuggets to carry around with you. I think I have shared, in the recent past, how some times I move right over what I read, while at other times I read the words and they stick like super glue and impact me in such a way I cannot even fathom. Today is one of those days.

In fact, there were so many things read today, I may have more than one post concerning them.  However, I really wanted to talk about Proverbs 14:10. It says, "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy." People! I hate to admit this, but I have had and still do in some cases, have a bitter heart. I have an innate ability to hold onto things. Sadly, you could say I am a hoarder of wrongs done to me. Sure, there are those I have let fall by the way side, but there are others I have allowed to take permanent residence inside my head. It is awful and here is why:

When you are deeply bitter, no amount of coaxing or living will remove it from you. Honestly, you lose the opportunity to have joy and peace in your life. Bitterness distorts your vision to the point where you see all things as nothing more than additional events or circumstances to get through in order to exist.  Bitterness is a life-sucking force. It is a leech on your soul. Bitterness is the same to your character as fire is to a stack of logs. It. Will. Destroy. You. And in some ways I have let that happen to me.

I like to think I am adept at compartmentalizing. Actually, in some ways, I can do this.  Except it is more like organizing than compartmentalizing - I put everything in the same space, I just give it its own spot.  But we all know what can happen if there is a gust of wind, or a tilt one way or another.  Yep! That organization gets a bit out of whack and then there is a mess which pours out over everything and sadly, everyone.

For over a year we have been dealing with a situation designed and brought on by another.  While I am certain this person feels justified in their actions they haven't really, in my mind's eye, looked past their self-seeking interests to see what they are doing. WOW!  Can you see that?!  Yes!  That is the bitterness coming through.  It. Is. Real!  Still - to this day.  I am exceedingly bitter towards this person, and guess what?  I feel justified in this, but God tells me something altogether different.  He tells me (and you) that bitterness steals our joy.  But wait, there's more!

A few verses down He tells us this, "It is a sin to despise one's neighbor..." (v. 21a) The what you say!  I know.  Sadly, I know. So how do I move from this?  How do I take this deeply rooted bitterness and shift from the way I despise this person to how God would have me deal with them?  I am only human after all. I have the right to be justified in feeling this way. But I don't.  You see, while I was still a sinner He died for me. Even though I cannot undo their choices and how they impacted us and our family, I can choose to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I can choose the one thing that God said would be the bleach to the bitterness.

I can forgive. Sure, forgiveness doesn't absolve culpability, but it does free me. Forgiveness opens me up to see the joy set forth by a loving God. Forgiveness is my way of showing, even if it is minuscule in comparison to what Jesus did for me on the cross, the love of Christ. Forgiveness is the the cure to bitterness, but it is a hard pill to swallow and no, it is not gel-coated.  In fact, I'd even say it is a time-release pill.  You can swallow it, but it will take time to enter your system.  Not because it was the wrong dose, but because it takes the continuous work of the Spirit in you to reap the full benefit.

I'm going to be honest here.  I have not swallowed this pill yet where this person is concerned.  I'd go so far as to say, I'm starring at is now but it looks entirely too large for me even though I know it is the right thing to do. I don't want to take it, for no other reason than to do so would mean that I have to give up being justified.  And that is just it. God isn't calling me to be justified, He's calling me to be His and to believe He will take care of everything as long as I trust Him enough to let go of this bitterness.

With that, I am going to pray. Then I'm going to trust. All the while filling this large cup of water so I can swallow this pill to remove the bitterness inside of me.

How about you?  Do you have someone or something that has caused bitterness to steal your joy?  Has this person or thing taken so much house room inside of you that your life feels like nothing?  That you feel lost and not sure where to turn from here?  Won't you take that step with me and let forgiveness win?  Yes, it is hard.  I admit, but I am going to do it.  If for no other reason than I know, He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world (1 John 4:4).

Forgiveness.

- M

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