Friday, March 22, 2013

60 days

It's here.  The end.  Well, not really.  Its not that kind of morbid finality, but it is an end of sorts.  This is not a funny, happy, jump-for-joy, kind of thing either.  This is the end of a chapter of my life.  An end of something that could have been, well, obviously more than it is.  It is the end of my marriage.  Yes, today, today papers were signed, filed, legalities agreed upon, etc, etc.  Today, began the countdown to the next chapter.  The next story that my life will hold.

We had a good day, he and I.  We talked, laughed, quarrelled amicably (yes, it is possible), and took care of what needed to be taken care of.  There really wasn't much left, business wise.  After all, this process started last year.  I think there is a lot to be said for all of that time.  That time where I questioned, cried, loathed, hurt, prayed, yearned, and sought.  I sought.  Hard and Up.  And I found.  I found a peace, a hope, a trust, and a love - all through my faith.  My faith in God.  I can't ever discount the power of a strong faith, of a powerful God.  Because God carried me through.

Even though he and I have found that place where we aren't an us anymore, we are and will continue to become the best we can be for the kids we created.  It's amazing how sometimes it takes a healthy dose of perspective to get there.  Some from me, some from him.  I'm not going to disillusion myself to the point where I think there will never be an issue, because in all honesty, I'm sure there will be.  We're humans, raising other humans.  And humans cause issues.  Yes, its true.  We are, at times, issue propagating creatures.  The key is to find the best way, with the most necessary help possible, to work through those issues.  We've got, in the least, roughly 13 years to perfect it.  But hey, if we don't I think it will be ok as long as we do it the best way we can.

That's another thing about us humans - we aren't perfect.  Yet, I think when we stop trying to be perfect and embrace what we are and allow it to work with the other imperfect human(s) in our lives, we can  make something grand, which in a way can be pretty darn close to perfection.  For what it is, and for who it is.  For he and I, it is our children. 

So, now, 60 days until this monumental day, give or take a few for legality's sake, I'm thinking this is going to be ok.  I'm going to be ok, my girls are going to be ok, we - TOGETHER - are going to be ok.  Me, the imperfect mama human, with my 3 imperfect baby humans, working together to make the best of what we have, to become the best that we can be, forming our own kind of perfect. 

But watch out we come! Imperfection and all!

Love, M

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