This week started out like any other; Monday following Sunday. We had a busy weekend working on the house. That's the thing about homes, there is always more work than time. I have been super excited because my hubby and I finally got a bedroom suite, it has only taken 11+ years. While he was at work the girls and I spent the weekend cleaning, building, organizing, and cleaning some more. I was so excited to see the finished product, hoping the feeling was shared.
That's the end of the beauty of the week, right before it had a chance to get started. I suppose I shouldn't say that, Monday and Tuesday weren't half bad. However, Wednesday the bottom fell out. It was, I have to say, the worst day of my life. That's the thing about life, you never know what it will throw your way. Sometimes the surprises are beautiful and welcomed warmly, like the joy of becoming a parent, but there are times when the surprises rip the very core of your being to pieces. That feeling hurts. It breaks you in a way you never thought possible.
It causes despair to set in. I causes a sorrow so intense, one felt so deep, you don't know if you can even place one foot in front of the other to take the steps necessary to begin life again. Because that is what it is- it is beginning it again. That's what happens when you're a grown-up. Life moves along in a sing-sing way and you are comfortable and happy and living a dream, then WHAM! you get to experience the pain of life. You get to put your big girl pants on and face the next day.
But before you do that, you look in the mirror and search your heart. There you realize you aren't alone, you are never alone. GOD IS THERE. He feels your pain. He knew that moment your heart stopped and you were reduced to nothing but the aching thud in your chest as the only feeling you had. He was there waiting, waiting for you to see He was there. That's where I found Him -exactly where I left Him. He hadn't left, I'd placed Him aside in my comfort. He was always there. He's here now.
And that is where I am. I'm trusting God. I'm praying constantly for this hurt to go. I'm praying for the return of the comfort. I'm praying for God to be there when it comes back. It will come back - I TRUST God. He always answers the prayers that are in His will. God is faithful to me even when I'm not in return. That's the power that comes from Him, it manifests in the trust, the trust that comes from faith. He's holding me, He's hearing the pain in the words both spoken and the ones I don't know how to speak. He knows. I'm not alone.
This will pass and when it does, strength will be in its place. He's helping me get stronger. He's showing me the way. I'm curled up in His lap resting my head on His shoulder and crying, sometimes softly sometimes not. But He's comforting me, He's loving me, He won't leave me.
HE. WON'T. LEAVE. ME.