There were many things that complicated today and many things that made it all the better. The biggest complication, or rather let-down, was the discovery of overly anticipated expectations. I seem to have a really good knack lately of setting myself up for more heartache. Call me an optimist. *shudder* However, despite all of drama today held there were a couple moments that made my day - the message at church and a phone call from a dear friend. I can't even begin to describe how God is speaking to me through our prayer time and through other people.
The past couple of days had compounded some additional heartache and sadness, to a point I wasn't even sure how I could possibly hurt anymore. I mean seriously how is it possible? But as they say; where there's a will there's a way. I knew in my heart of hearts that more than anything I wanted to go to church today. Actually, to be quite honest, there is no other place on Earth right now I'd rather be. I find such comfort in God's house.
Today's message was on Psalm 84. Go ahead, grab your Bible, this will be here when you get back. Before he began the message the Pastor said to really read it and to let the Lord speak to you. I have to give you a little back story first. I've been working on losing weight and trying to look good. One, hoping that my husband would notice and find me attractive again, and two I really, really need to get healthier. I mean, 34 and having health issues is NOT a good thing! Anyway, this morning I took an extra while on my hair, make-up, and was able to wear a shirt I haven't fit in almost 2 years. I felt beautiful. I felt like a princess. Then I was let down when I didn't get the reaction I had hoped for from my hubby. The one person I was hoping would really notice. Now, back to the message. I just have to tell you that God does care about you, He cares about me, He loves us more than we can ever love ourselves or be loved by another human. I think that is why this Psalm meant so much to me today. OK, OK I'll get to it! After feeling rejected I felt so let down and so unacceptable and just plain, well, ugly.
Then I read Psalm 84:1: "How lovely is your dwelling place, Oh Lord Almighty!"
I felt like dancing on clouds and twirling there in my pew. You see when you have Jesus in your heart and the Holy Spirit in you, then you are a living, breathing, walking, talking dwelling place of the Lord and He thinks you are lovely! How absolutely amazing is that? My Savior thinks I'm lovely - He thinks you are too! Never again does it matter (though in our humanness it will) what others think, because to God you are lovely! I'm lovely!
On another BRIGHT note, later today I took a picture of me and texted it to my hubby. He replied back, after some time, that he thinks I looked beautiful. I have longed to hear those words from him for months, and today, I was gifted with them. The Lord has blessed me so much today.
Now, the basis for the Psalm is when the people of Israel would leave their villages and start the annual pilgrimage to Jerusalem so that they may come before the Lord, thus the dwelling place of the Lord. During this pilgrimage they would have to go through the valley of Baca, or the valley of tears. This is a valley of hardship and pain, much akin to what we all face from time to time. However, the great thing about valleys is that they aren't permanent, they are merely a part of the journey. Pastor was using this as an illustration that 2013 may hold a valley for some people and that there are others (like me) that are currently walking through one. He went on to share that the valley is a place where we are tested, where our faith is tested, but we don't have to camp out in the valley, all we really need to do is JUST TRUST GOD WHILE WE ARE THERE.
And that, that is what God has been telling me to do for days now, to just trust Him. I've felt myself wavering, like I hadn't been doing enough, but truthfully, I see it now that God had to get me to that place where all I had left was my complete and utter trust in Him. Honestly, I couldn't think of a more able-bodied person to give it all to. So, I guess I'm saying all this to say this:
prayer works, time with the Lord works, giving it to Him works. It's ok not to have all the answers as long as you have all your faith and put it all in His hands. He has promised He will never leave or forsake us, so when in that moment it feels like nothing is happening, it is! He hasn't left, just trust Him, because the valley will end.