Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Filling the Void

Ok, so have you ever wanted to just talk to someone?  I mean, just to have a conversation?  Here I sit, me, who would rather type an email, IM, send a text, or any other thing that requires no actual face to face or even voice to voice, wanting desperately to talk.  You might be asking yourself why, well, actually, I have never mastered the fine art of talking on the telephone.  In fact, it rather annoys me.  Granted, it is better than nothing at all, but when typing you can proofread, ensure your thoughts are well rounded, meaningful and be straight to the point.  Whereas, on the phone, I can't so much get straight to the point and the silence kills me and in person I feel as if I have no proper understanding of the mechanics of a good conversation and frankly, I'm a dull person. In all honesty, I feel like I am wasting the other person's time.  Now that all said, I long to have a face to face - with some people.  My problem is, when I start talking to/with someone I get really involved in what they are saying.  I start to feel what they are feeling, thinking of ways to categorize their thoughts and actions.  From there I begin to get attached and that is where it all goes to the crap shot.

No one, I mean NO ONE wants a clingy conversation.  It isn't that I am a stalker type personality; in fact, I think I am about as far to the opposite direction as one can get.  I tend to hermit myself away.  So what is my fatal flaw?  I want to know too much.  I want to take the conversation apart and then play Lucy without the benefit of asking an individual for their change.  Or even, if I am being open here, their really caring if they want what I have to say in return.

So why the sudden shift?  I'm desperate for interaction.  I want to talk about, well, anything.  I want the feeling of alone-ness to go away; far, far away.  So what is keeping me from picking up my phone and dialing any of the number of pre-programmed contacts?  Time and not knowing what to say.  I mean saying "hello, I'm lonely, I don't have much going on in my life at the moment and I need you to help fill that void", isn't exactly a great conversation starter you know.  However, that all said, here is the real question I want to ask you.  Be honest, after all, I am just the disembodied voice on the other side of this blog, how often do you find yourself in the EXACT same situation.  I know I am not the only person and that in this world the feeling of being alone is more prevalent now than it has ever been before.

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