Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Giants in my Life

Why does something always look and feel monstrously large when there isn't a way to firmly grab a h old of it?  Does the simple fact that it is so big instantly mean that there is no faith in the beholder?  Does the "giant" indicate the person is simply not strong, not smart, not destined, not something that would be the defeating answer?  This is where I am.  I am facing a giant.  Perhaps this giant is big because I am distorting the facts of it, but perhaps it is because I am repeatedly being presented with it.  Here it is:

my degree - I'm struggling here man.  Am I struggling because I'm not smart enough for it, because it isn't a passion of mine, because I don't give it more time, because it isn't what God wants for my life?  Or is it more simply because I am too lazy to become the smartest person in the classes, to make it a passion, to give it time, or to realize it is God's will for my life?  Seems too circular for my taste.

I know that the simple fact of something being the will of God doesn't make it a walk down Easy Street, but seriously already, why can't I get it?  Why do I fail?  Should I not "get" all this school stuff because I use it on an almost daily basis?  Then that leads me to another dilemma.

Ok, so I have an assignment for one of my classes that I have to design a job, create a resume and cover letter to go with the job and a one minute commercial to sell myself for it.  So here is the thing, there is a job that I want.  In fact, I have, what I believe to be, a correct job posting for this.  No granted it is unofficial and it was created (the posting, not the job) at my request so that I could use it for my assignment.   So here is this giant, do I put my heart and soul into this project knowing that it is a project or that there may be at some time the opportunity for me to actually present it for real?

There you have it.  My giants.  Which brings me to a story of David and Goliath.  A famously remembered old Testament story.  Here was this little Shepherd boy, who armed with only 5 smooth stones and a sling, went against the tallest man alive and defeated him.  He was confident because he knew he was in God's will and because of that it took him one shot and one shot only.  And that my friends answers my initial question.  It is amazing how writing, or in this case typing, things out helps to bring about a level of clarity.

I simply need to apply more of myself to the tasks at hand and stop looking forward to what may or may not be.  The giant in my path is simply the reflection of my insecurities. 

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