Thursday, March 3, 2011

When

Kind of a bland title, I know.  However, that is the question; when.  For instance:
When will I understand my class?
When will I be comfortable with the skin I am in?
When will I have the confidence to go after the job I'd like to apply for?
When will I know if my decisions are right?
When will I know what God's will is for my life?
WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN...IT ALL TAKES TIME!

It all gets to be pretty circular and never ending.  For instance do I have so many "when" questions simply because I do not know the true meaning of happiness?  I know that these questions are all vaguely familiar, in fact I believe I just talked about each of them in my last post.  Guess I have come to the resolution that I thought that I had.

My mind hates me.  No, seriously, hear me out.  It hates me due to the fact that I twist it and contort its thougths until I work it into mental oblivion.  Scary isn't it?  Try being in my head for a day, you would really see.  Now, don't get me wrong here, I am not a mental case, I don't need happy pills, a straight jacket or a padded room.  What I need is to have some understanding.

Understanding about what I am and who I am, this of course beyond the obvious - a female named Mandy.

I am a person.  I was created on purpose and for a purpose. (God doesn't make mistakes; which is humbling in and of itself.) I am a Christian -  a poor one at that, but I have given my heart to God, I believe that His son died for my sins, and that the Holy Spirit wants to sanctify me wholly.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend.  But through this all I am still lonely.  I have a short fuse and the self confidence of a piss ant.

Perhaps the answer to the when is more a want.  Perhaps my eyes are bigger than my stomach and my plate is overflowing?  Perhaps I need to go on a diet, in both the traditional and theoretical senses of the word.  Well, there you go, I've completed another word circle and I am no where close the start of it.

So, with that, I will bid this post, adieu and until next time...when....

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