Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Day 18: Eagerness

I'm back to this challenge if you will.  Perhaps it is more to complete it than anything?  Remind me again why I thought this was a good idea.  Oh yes, Pinterest and writing prompts and because others do this and....

I searched hard for this prompt, more because I wanted to write than anything.  It is silly, really, this insatiable need I get at times to write.  There are days all I think about (yes even at work) is writing down all of the thoughts in my head.  I have even gone so far as wanting to take a last minute vacation day just to sit in front of my computer and watch the words pop up on the screen in response to the keys my fingers hit. I digress...

The prompt today is simply this: I am eager for God to... Seems pretty open ended and easy enough to answer.  However, I am curious what that response would be for each of us if we truly got down to the center of who we are and shine the light of who he is through that.  My very first thought when I read this was, 'to make me a teacher'.  Seems to align with my heart's greatest desire, my spiritual gift, and the thing I spent a lot of money on to get a higher education.  However, I have been stepping back from that desire of mine, not that it isn't still there, but because I'm not fully sure what it is to look like, yet.

I am not sure if I've shared this with anyone other than those who are closest to me, and there are very few at that, but one of the things that I pray for fervently is for the Lord to make me a better person, to help me be more like him. Do not misread that, I don't want to be him, but I want to be more like him.  But even with that being a constant prayer (read that multiple times a day some days), what I want more than anything is for Him to use me. So, that's it, I am eager for God to use me. There is a song we sang at my old church (which I miss more than I care to admit most days) that had many verses, but the crux of it was to fill me, mold me, and use me.  Oh, how I can remember having tear soaked eyes while singing those words.

Now there are many who would beg to ask, "who is to say he isn't using me now"? To which I would have to say 'I am not sure, is He?'  Is there anything of value coming from my life at this time?  Here are a couple things I know to be true:

1) God uses everyone according to who they are in relation to who He is
2) God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.
3) God knows every intricate detail of every single person...all of it - the good and the bad - and because of this, He allows for growth and knowledge accordingly.  (This is a really, really deep thought process and perhaps another blog all of its own, but know the meaning behind it is this - He isn't going to give you a ministry or a purpose that puts you smack dab into the middle of a situation that you have a propensity or natural bend for sin.  I.e. if you have a natural inclination to drown in the bubbly, He isn't going to send you to a bar to minister to folks.)
4) God is God and He is perfect and unwavering.  He is steadfast and true.  He doesn't change, we do.

While I have a desire to teach others, I have a bigger desire to be used by the Lord exactly how he sees fit. Not my will be done, but His.  Sure, it makes me sad and emotional (as in I am crying right now just typing these words), but nothing forced is fruitful.  Sure, there can be momentary results, but they are rarely lasting.  I don't want to force myself into a calling.  I want to be exactly where He wants me to be, used exactly for the purpose He so designed me to be used.

What is it you are eager for the Lord to do? I challenge you to think about this but remember, He isn't a genie in a bottle, so asking for a million dollars, to be president, to go on exotic vacations, those things may not be the best things to ask for.  But, asking the Lord to show you how to be a better steward, to lead like He does, or to show you a foreign mission, those may be better...my two cents, of course.

Love,
M

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