Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Elephant in the Room

So it seems that I am selfish and the world revolves around me.  This is what I was told today.  Perhaps I am, aren't we all at times.  Honestly, if you are telling yourself at this point that that simply isn't a true assessment of yourself then you need to take a long hard look; everyone has a moment, EVERYONE!  OK, now that that is all cleared up I can move on.  So here is why I was told this.  Yes, I am going to share, it would be terrible to start the post with out following up on why I made the opening statement.  So, for those who have followed, my hubby was laid off work, then called back on a less than part time basis, but enough that he cannot file for unemployment benefits to cover the difference.  This week has been a difficult one for me in that it is my oldest daughter's birthday and Easter.  1) we don't have the funds to get her a present let alone throw a birthday party for her and 2) we don't have the extra funds to get Easter gifts for the kids.  This has me out of whack.  I have TERRIBLE coping mechanisms, TERRIBLE.  When the elephant finds its way into the room, I can see nothing else than the elephant.  It is grey, obnoxiously large and frightfully stinky. 

So my hubby, who does not cope the same way that I do, thinks that I am selfish.  Me, I have to talk through things.  I have to beat a dead horse, I need to kick a dying dog, I need to diagram and detail the bits and pieces of the elephant.  I need a spreadsheet with several alternatives to how the problem is going to work out or at least find a viable solution.  He, does not.  He needs to sit and play video games and let it go like water off a duck's back.  Well, the thing about ducks is that they are much, much smaller than elephants and can get squashed FAST!  There we have it...he sees a plush toy and I see a circus animal - this is why we have problems when the elephant enters the room.

What am I going to do?  I have thought about finding things to sell on eBay, getting a second job, selling blood, platelets, a kidney or some other vital organ, obviously not my heart, since I have also been told I don't have one. 

I need to learn to be happy in all circumstances and not let things bother me. I could go back to drinking.  That made me happy.  It also made me ugly, but always happy in the moment.  However, that costs and again I am reminded of that elephant.  I could find another outlet, another crutch, another something to induce happiness but alas I do not know anything.  Everything takes time, time is money and that blasted elephant just entered that room. 

I need to run....before I get trampled.

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