Thursday, September 12, 2013

Time for the Little Things

They say that healing takes time, that getting over a major life event takes time.  But what manner of time are they talking about?  And who are these elusive "they"? We get time.  We know there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, so on and so forth.  But how do you truly account for the time it takes to "get over" something.  I need to be honest here.  I'm not over it.  I'm not, not completely - really.  I mean I was with him for the better part of 11 years.  Don't get me wrong.  I THOUGHT I was over it.  I THOUGHT my heart was healed.  Actually, I THOUGHT my mind was healed.  But I was more just hiding from it.  I think the true tell is the amount of time I still TALK about it. 

And I do.  A LOT.  Truth, I talk about a lot of things a lot!  Heartache being the biggest one.  I'm going to get back to more lighthearted subject matters.  I know I will.  I'll find my snarky whiticism and have you all in stitches again.  Its still in here, in my head, somewhere.  Right now though it's being blocked by the hurt on my heart.  Just today I started a conversation up with a friend at work and it went a little something like this, "my ex is getting a tattoo with his girlfriend."  She looked at me funny and then asked which ex!?  Giggle worthy for sure, a bit heartbreaking mostly.  See, while I want to be happy, and in the most regard I am, for the ex-Mr I'm just a wee bit saddened by this.

This was something that never would have been done with me.  Now, don't get me wrong I am NOT the kind of girl that digs his and her tats or matching tats or name tats or anything else like that, but I do appreciate nice ink.  I have 4 myself and one that needs to be completed.  All my pieces tell a story.  Each one means something to me.  Something near and dear.  Each one an expression of me.  But I can't seem to let this go.  This thing that he is doing with someone else.  He isn't mine anymore.  He chose to make that a reality.  I get it.  But I think the hard part is things like this.  These little things that don't really mean a whole lot to others, but were at some point uniquely special to me, to us.

It is that point that I want to focus on.  Some friends of mine are going through this battle right now.  They are facing the stark realities of what divorce really means.  It isn't unicorns and rainbows people.  It isn't skipping down the road into the sunset while hand-in-hand with another.  It most certainly is not the joy of making promises to another you cannot keep or even in hopefulness accepting ones that shouldn't have been given to you by another.  It is the reality that you are losing all those little things.  The little things that you didn't think were there while going through the process of ending it.  BUT, the little things are always there if you take the time to look for them.  And, DO!  DO look for them.

I challenge you, those in long-term relationships/marriages, those struggling to keep one, those thinking of ending one, etc, I challenge you to remember the little things.  Oh, don't deny them.  Don't sit there and say there are none, because there are.  I can think of many, right now.  Don't let hindsight be your keeper.  You still have the now.  It isn't over until it's over, and this person you promised your tomorrow's to, they hold so many of your little things. 

Like did they remember that you love bananas chopped up in your pancakes and make them that way just for you.  Did they remember that you love diet Pepsi from the fountain and bring one to you from time to time.  Did they take the kids with them for a trip into town so you could enjoy a few minutes of quiet time.  There are so many, many little things people.  Focus on those.  Smile about those.  Remember them together.  Tell them thank you.  Then, do something little for them.  Write them a little note and put it in their lunch box, send them a random text, make them their favorite dessert.  Just take time for the little things.  It does work.

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