Monday, April 1, 2013

Fools Rush In

This was the title of the Fresh Perspectives devotional on the radio today.  The speaker shared that those who don't have their life grounded in the Lord are just foolishly running around rushing into any thing, situation, or circumstance they can in order to find what they are looking for.  I was so taken aback by the simple truth of it that I couldn't focus on much of anything else for the rest of my drive in to work.  I'm a fool.  I'm rushing.  Really.  Truly.  And in some cases, wholeheartedly.

Pardon the pun, but there is a rush to it.  There is a freeing quality to running full speed at something, but it is in the moment afterward where you see that perhaps maybe, just maybe, caution should have been exercised.  I learned this lesson the hard way.  I want to say that I never make these types of mistakes, but I won't lie.  I do.  I make mistakes.  I'm purely human.  I'm also a girl.  Yes, it's true.  But, I digress. 

I know there are a number of you reading this that are hanging on every word looking for me to give all the sordid details, but you should know me better than that by now.  They aren't coming, well, at least in their entirety.  I can tell you though, that opening up, talking to, and sharing things, personal things, deeply hurtful things, and amazingly insightful things with another can be liberating, but also heartbreaking.  Most specifically when you put that person in a place they cannot be, simply because they are not the right person.  It is a drain on you and them. 

BUT...and I must let you know that there is always a but...the lessons learned are profound.  They are sometimes a better teacher than the blessed advice from friends and family who want nothing but the best for you.  We all know this to be true.  We all have those messages in life, where we were warned against a certain path, but we chose to walk it anyway - only to find that the outcome was exactly what we were told it would be.  I've been there many times in my life.  If you look, you have too.  It's ok.  Don't beat yourself up.  Embrace it and learn from it, then travel on. 

My foolish thing?  Simply - Looking for love in all the wrong places.  I jump in head first foolishly expecting and giving more than I should, hoping for what I cannot and/or won't get.  This because they are not the person, not the one that really values me.  Yet, when I get exactly what I know is coming I still allow myself to be let down.  I still get sad, because I was hoping against hope that maybe I would be the one.  I just spent over a decade in a relationship where, in the end, I was not the one.  Will I ever be the one?

Recently a very dear friend told me something that made me tear up and smile a heart warming smile so large I can only hope the world saw it.  My friend told me, after sharing this similar line of thought, "Be the cloud.  The cloud is free.  Wrapped with beautiful colors.  Not caring what the world views are of it.  Be the cloud, your soul and heart are such a beautiful thing.  So show it as the cloud does to the world.  And if he is worthy enough he will stop and become lost at the site of the cloud.  YOU!  Let your hair down my dear and let the ride take you where it may.  LIVE GREATLY, enjoy with passion, and just smile!"  Now, this friend ALSO told me, "Don't let your heart be a factor.  For once put it in your pocket.  Its still there.  But just tucked away. Ready at any moment to pull it out and use it."  Sigh...

So, here I am slowly rushing in.

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