Monday, September 26, 2016

What If?

The hardest thing about having a blog, besides ensuring  you actually write something, is knowing what to write.  There are many different seasons in life, things that seem so important at the time, but end up being just normal everyday stuff.  There are moments that are so insanely funny that you can't wait to share them but don't get to it straight away and then you forget what made them so funny, to begin with.  There are moments that are so bitterly painful that you can't help but want to share the experience in hopes that others know they too can get through it, or more likely the sharing is a part of the therapy. And I wonder, of all these things, which is the most successful?  Which is it that brings in the most readers?  Which is it that becomes the essential part of the author?

Oh, how I long to write copious words full of insight, humor, raw emotion, but I lack it.  I lack it all. I feel like a painter with a pallet and canvas, but no paint.  Like an architect with hammer and wood, but no nails.  Like a - well, I think you get the picture. Today is Monday.  It has just stopped raining, there is a slight chill in the air, and that crisp scent floating through the windows that only the promise of cooler, fall days can bring. I can hear the sounds of the street crew moving to and fro, the birds chirping outside my bedroom window, and the fan whirling in the background dulling all the sounds in its calming way. Today is ordinary.

But it is not.  You see, in exactly one week I will embark on a brand new adventure. In a week, I will be sitting in a new place.  I will meet new people and undoubtedly become overwhelmed by the enormity of the decision and the fact it came to fruition.  What will I be doing?  I will be starting a new job!  For the first time in almost 20 years, I will be working for a new company. The decision to make this move was not easy, but it also was not that hard.  It is a decision I attempted to make many times since the company I had worked for was bought out and the new company wasn't the right place to be any longer.  Many people told me to suck it up and ride it out, after all, I'll be done  with my MBA in 19 days, but it was so much more than that.  So, very, much more.  I'm not big on change. I fear the unknown.  I lack that part of myself that has the confidence to do so.  I stepped out in faith and trusted the Lord with my schooling, and then took and an even bigger step of faith and trusted him with my career.

And he got me there.  He did!  I had several interviews with many different companies.  I had offers I declined.  I had places that didn't want me.  But in all honesty, I learned so much through this process that I couldn't even begin to put a price tag on the experience.  While my long-term goal is teaching, and Lord willing I will get there, I know that I have taken the first of many steps in the right direction.  But most importantly, I have followed God's lead.  I have done what I know, through lots of prayer and council, was the right decision for me at the right time. While I am eagerly anticipating next Monday I am also a little scared. What if I mess up?  What if my personality doesn't mesh well with my new coworkers?  What if I have a bad idea and they write me off straight away?  What if my nearly 20 years in automotive hinders my ability to grasp the concepts in this completely new manufacturing arena?

And that is just it, isn't it?!  What if?  What if keeps many of us from taking the next step - that giant step of faith and trust.  And you want to know something?  I looked that what if in the face this time (after many failed attempts) and went for it.  The result?  Peace.  I was at peace.  I gave a month's notice to my previous employer.  And at the end of that month, they asked me to stay on as a contract employee to assist with my accounts until a replacement was up to speed.  I am happy to say that we are now in week 3 of me being a contract employee and it hasn't been a bad gig.  I think the thing I love most is teaching and mentoring my replacement and I know that in this entire transition I have done the right thing.

All that said, I will leave you with one last thought on this damp, chilly fall day - trust in the Lord.  Trust doesn't mean that I don't have to do my part, it just means that I will let him do his part and believe in faith.  I will work at this with all that I am and do the best that I can do. I so cannot wait to see where he leads me next.

By the way, click here and listen to this amazing song!

Much Love,
M

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