A few months back I made a really big decision. (I shared this in my last post.) It was a decision that was many years in the making. One that was not easy in the least but was most certainly bathed in prayer. I submitted my resignation. After nearly 20 years in automotive and nearly 16 years in the same facility, it was time to move on. I did this with the sole focus in mind to grow myself professionally once I completed my MBA. I would also like to share I have accepted a position with a company which prides itself on growing people and this is evidenced by the sheer number who work for them who have 20+ years of service and still love what they do! I can not wait to see what the future holds for me with them.
That said. My passion was, and still is, with education and teaching. It is truly my heart's desire and what I long to do. I want to teach so badly that when I do something as simple as to think about it I get all teary-eyed. People, I know in my heart of hearts, with all that I am, I was designed to be a teacher. Ever since I was a little girl I knew this is what I wanted to do. I can remember playing school with my cousins, my siblings, heavens even with the neighbor kids. Yes! I would play school in the summer, on the weekends, during the week...it was my absolute favorite thing to play. I couldn't wait to share what I learned in school with those around me so they could learn too. Fast forward to my professional career and in it, I can find the beautifully woven strands of teaching opportunities I had over the years. It almost seems like I gravitate towards all the opportunities I can find. It is also why I have no question in my mind on how, or even why, my Spiritual gifts are Teaching and Knowledge.
Then today happened. You see, when I was in the transition period of my previous job I applied for a substitute teaching position with a rather large school district not too far from here. I paid all the fees and did all the things I was supposed to do and for three months never heard a word. Until today. Today I finally got the answer. My application was Denied. I wish I could share with you this didn't upset me, but it did - A LOT. Yes, even though I have a great job, I still cried. Then I started down the path of thinking I was not good enough (I mean, I couldn't even get a job as a substitute teacher, what makes me think I could get one as an actual teacher?) and that I was never going to reach my lifelong dream of teaching. As I wavered in between self-doubt, self-loathing, acceptance, and sadness I attempted to talk it over with God, but I couldn't keep my focus. I'd like to blame it on the fact I was still driving, that there was a lot of traffic and some construction, but in truth, it was because I was too caught up in what was the matter that I didn't give the conversation the time it needed.
But...oh how there is always a "but" in the lessons of life. As I approached my exit I got my phone out of my purse and when I pulled up to the stop, I opened my email. There in the queue was today's devotional. I had overlooked it a few times today because I didn't have time to read it. I clicked on the email and opened up the words that were meant for me to read. (No I didn't read while driving! I got stopped by a train and began to read.) People, I have to tell you, God knows what he is doing. He knows all about timing and perfection and all the details that go into each. As I read I was reminded that sometimes things don't go as we want them to and that sometimes when we stop fighting what has happened and praise God for the opportunity instead, we find the true blessing. And I did. You see, if they had accepted it, then I would have had to turn them down because I found something else. And I don't think the door that opened for me was altogether the wrong door.
I think I am where I am supposed to be, for now. I have a job that takes care of me and mine and doesn't require the crazy hours, the constant on call, the disruption to my family time, and/or the sacrifice of vacation and holidays. I have a job where I get to learn and grow and even, by chance, make a difference. Better yet, in this job I am being taught things I never knew about things I have always done! Yes, I am growing my understanding and comprehension and this is the best possible thing for me right now. After all, aren't all teachers required to continue their education to keep them at the forefront of knowledge in their field of study?
So, while today had the opportunity to become a day where I chose to become sad and depressed (basically pout), God reminded me of Paul and Silas and Acts chapter 16. Here they chose to praise instead of pout and they had so very much more to be sad about. I guess I say all that to say this: days are going to have downfalls, dreams are going to take time, steps are going to happen - sometimes in a forward motion, sometimes in a backward one, but through it all, if you look at it from a different perspective there is always an opportunity to praise the outcome.
Much love, M
PS...I will definitely forget this lesson, I am not perfect. But the great thing is, I serve a perfect God who understands my shortcomings and yet, he still chose me.
PSS (or is it PPS?!)...I am still pursuing teaching positions! Specifically to start, as an adjunct professor for evening, weekend, and/or online courses. Don't fret this girl has a plan :)