Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Time Flies...

...whether you are having fun or not.  I vaguely remember falling asleep sometime in January and here it is half way through June.  Yes, this is a slight exaggeration, but in all seriousness, where does it go?  There are days when I have nothing to show for the day; no tangible results outside of the fact I can cross a day off the calendar.  Does life hold more than this constant ticking off of days?  Oh, of that I am sure.  After all, there are memories (I discussed this very thing yesterday).  However, the point I am making is this:

What is there when there are no results?  When there are no added memories to the storage banks in your brain?  When there isn't anything but the ticking of a clock and the anxiousness for something, anything, to come your way?   I mean, there are times when I hope and wish and pray for a day to arrive so that I can experience the "thing" it has to offer, then there are days when I want to savor the "nothingness" that it has to offer.  Very circular reasoning, I know.

For what it matters, my birthday is 9 days away.  I am actually wondering how many people would remember, if I was to close my FB account, or at the very least remove my birthday information.  Seriously, how many would think to wish me happy birthday?  Really makes one wonder who cares.  Oh, there are some that do, and many who only do when it will benefit them, in what ever manner that may be.  So why am I prattling on about this?

Well, simply because this will be my 33rd birthday.  I can not remember a single party I ever had.  However, I can remember my brother's and sister's.  I can remember each and every birthday my mother chose not to wish me a happy birthday.  (Mistakes do have feelings and memories!)  I can remember every wish that went unanswered. But, all of these are the things that have created and developed me.  How, you ask.  Simply this:  a birthday is just another day, it holds no more significance than the one before it or the one after it other than what you yourself give it, and that if all wishes came true then this world would be one messed up place, oh wait, it already is...let me rephrase that...this world would be utopia or a fairy tale and since make believe only exits in paper form, then there you go!

And so, as a conclusion to this incessant rambling over is the wish that I have for my birthday this year.  (Mind you, this will be doozy!)  I want a weekend get away with my husband (something we have NEVER had), where I have to make NO plans and it is all taken care of down to every detail. I want said weekend to occur without having to worry about the kids - meaning they are being watched by very capable people.  I want to slow dance with my husband (we don't have a song and we have only danced 2 times in all the years we have been together - both times at other people's weddings!) For a material gift (I'm going to go overly girly on you here) I want an MP3 or CD made up of all the songs that make my hubby think of me and that remind him of memories we have shared. 

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