Sunday, May 1, 2011

Snipe Hunting

I am sure everyone has heard the saying going "snipe hunting."  Well, that is what I call love.  It is a fool's errand.  A chasing after the wind.  A fairy tale that simply exists for those who refuse to accept there is a reality of loneliness and vulgarity of epic proportions awaiting their dismal existence. The sheer act of love is trying to find something that simply does not exist. So why am I telling you this?

Because, for one, this is the exact feeling I have right now.  One does not like coming second to anything else on this planet.  Yet, it happens.  Addiction happens.  There are things that begin slow and eat away bite by bite until there is nothing left but the carcass of something that may have been. 

Loneliness is real, tangible and almost as big as an elephant in a room.  Except, in ways, it is bigger.  It is that thing that fills a void, only by eating you away from the inside.  You long to fill that blackness, that emptiness, with something, say a book, only to find that the crap you are reading is about the one thing you have been chasing yourself and know doesn't exist.  It is something you can't get away from.  Now this thing is consuming you from all angles and you are powerless to do anything but shut down and become one with the numbness of it all.

So, what pray tell is the next step?  What is the answer to it all?  Oh, there isn't a next step, there isn't even an answer.  It is what it is.  My hat is off to those who think they've found it, who are comfortable with the fact that the other in their relationship will be there and be that person they think they are destined to have forever with.  One day that alarm clock will go off and you will find yourself in camouflage holding the sniping weapon of choice wondering why it took so long to figure out the game.

Yes, it gets better.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Though never promised to us all, it will come regardless.

Oh and to give my bestie the spotlight; her most recent facebook post went a little something like this: "Real life and love begins when you realize it is not all about you."  Makes you wonder who in the smurf it is about then, huh?!

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