I Read Too Much

Previously, as in just the last post, I told you about my insane love for Christian books that turn God's truths into practical application.  I think I may have also told you that I tend to read 3 to 4 of these types of books simultaneously.  I can't help it.  Perhaps it is the fear of actually finishing the book or it's the fact that I get caught up in a certain writer's prose that  I need the distraction of another's for the words to really sink in; and by distraction I simply  mean thought process.  I have so much that I want to write about.  Yet much of what I want to share I cannot - for fear.  Not fear that you random people will backlash, but fear that those I know will take my words and twist them so incoherently that the point will be lost in their interpretation of my thought.  Yes, this does weigh on me. I want to be candid. I want to throw out the words, the feelings, and the struggles I am having.  I want t...

I've been very lax in my writing to  you, or perhaps it is better said, in writing to myself.  Oh, yes, you are the reader, sure, but it is for my soul, my clarity, my health that I write.  Oh, I don't mean for that to sound, well, mean, but it is true.  It's been an eventful year.  I'd like to say that it has been all rainbows and roses, but honestly it has been rife with clouds and thorns as well.   But through those times, there has been growing and learning.  I think that there is a lot to be said in that.  Growth.  I think there is a reason we "grow" as a child, so that when we are older we don't remember the growing pains that we had to endure to get where we are.  Honestly, though, I think that growth as an adult is much, much harder.  The things that are learnt are above and beyond that of anything taught in a school book.  Real life doesn't have an answer book. Speaking of books, I have a very particul...

In case I've never shared this before - I sell makeup.   No, not Mary Kay or Avon, but Younique.  Don't worry, this post won't be a sales pitch, you can stay here and read a while!  Today I was a part of a Small Business Expo in the town next to here.  To be quite honest I was petrified to do this.  I mean here I was going to be in a room with ladies who have done this sort of thing for a long time, but I didn't give into the fear.  Even though I was there early I was not the first person there.  I got everything set up in a short bit and was quite impressed with how it looked.  Professional - eh, in my mind's eye!  (Of course I have my friend to thank for that, she let me barrow all of her display stuff!)  But again, this isn't even about all of that.  No, it is bigger than that. People, I did it!  Me!  I put my fears aside, I put my nerves and shakes away and brought out the me that was confi...

I did something brave yesterday.  Well, actually it started a few days before that.  And actually it isn't all that brave.  A big step, yes.  Brave, no.  What did I do?  I filled out my application, submitted my essay, and got 3 recommendations for Grad School.  I am equal parts excited and petrified.  I haven't heard back from them yet.  I am taking this solely as a sign that my essay is in a big pile on a desk and hasn't been reached in queue; not that it has been rejected and the letter hasn't found its way to my mailbox yet. Ok, I may be exaggerating a wee bit, it has been less than 24 hours and I'm quite certain these things take longer than that! In the meantime I have spent so much time wondering why I did this.  Then telling myself that I did it for all of the right reasons. I read one of my devotionals today and wouldn't you know it had something to do along these lines.  Now, I'd like to tell you that it a...

Let's get a little deep, shall we?  This past Sunday, guess that was just yesterday, we had a wonderful service at church.  First there was the Sunday School lesson.  I'm not going to lie to you, I absolutely LOVE my Sunday School.  I don't know if it is the lessons we learn, the conversation, or all of the people in my class.  Honestly, I think it is all, because all those things together have grown us all together.  I truly find myself without words when I think of the blessing this class has been to my life.  However, that isn't the point to this, well, mostly. You see, I have a very bitter heart from time to time.  My heart will think the worst of people.  It will fabricate the meanest of thoughts and unspoken words.  My heart scares me sometimes.  I'm quite certain from this utterance you have all counted me as being a vile person and are now forming labels to put on me.  That's ok if you are, this is something that is c...

Today at work we were all rehashing "the glory days."  You know, those days where earning the varsity letter, hanging out with your friends, perhaps having a part time job, and counting the days until graduation where all there was to live for.  In my office we have some pretty good "used to be" stories.  It's actually quite impressive, but alas, we are all in an office doing our bit to make a company run instead of out making millions with the skills from our "used to be's."  I got to thinking, I know, a terrible habit of mine!, about last summer and the summer before that, you know, when I used to be a runner.  I have had one injury after the next, all with my knees, and the verdict is overuse.  So, I used to be... I'm going to be honest, not being where I was physically weighs on me.  It tears me apart mentally and emotionally.  Why?  Because in my mind's eye, I used to be pretty good.  I used to get on myself for not running a...

It has been a quite some time since I have shared a post in which I spoke of my grandma.  However, today, I am missing her like crazy.  Actually it has only been in the last few hours where I've missed her so much it hurts.  You see, a lot of women have moms where they can go and talk to them about everything, where they can seek advice, tell them about their day, and all those other joys.  If not a mom, then well an aunt or woman of sorts.  Me, I had my grandma.  In some ways my grandma was like a mom to me, well, in a lot of ways, but mostly because she just was there for me.  I could talk to her about absolutely anything and she didn't try to fix it, correct, berate me, one up me, belittle me, hurt me, chastise me, or turn it into something about her by cutting me off mid sentence.  My grandma was the best.  In the last couple years of her life her memory wasn't the best, and with that came some moments when talking with her were more di...