Tuesday, August 25, 2015

I Used to Be

Today at work we were all rehashing "the glory days."  You know, those days where earning the varsity letter, hanging out with your friends, perhaps having a part time job, and counting the days until graduation where all there was to live for.  In my office we have some pretty good "used to be" stories.  It's actually quite impressive, but alas, we are all in an office doing our bit to make a company run instead of out making millions with the skills from our "used to be's." 

I got to thinking, I know, a terrible habit of mine!, about last summer and the summer before that, you know, when I used to be a runner.  I have had one injury after the next, all with my knees, and the verdict is overuse.  So, I used to be... I'm going to be honest, not being where I was physically weighs on me.  It tears me apart mentally and emotionally.  Why?  Because in my mind's eye, I used to be pretty good.  I used to get on myself for not running a sub 8-minute mile for an entire 10k.  I used to think running a half marathon in over 2 hours was slacking.  I used to...and that, my lovelies is the rub.

There is always going to be something in life in which we used to be.  I used to be.  We used to be.  I have restarted this running journey, mixed with a bit more cross training (at the insistence of my physical therapist).  It is slow going, quite literally.  I get frustrated and mad when I can't get a mile in in under 9 minutes (when just 2 summers ago I was completing them at around 7:30).  But, I look back a bit farther and 2 years prior to 2 years ago, I couldn't run around the block.  So, in all, there is some perspective to be had there.  I refuse to give up on my love of running despite where I used to be, because I know someday I will look at today and think, I used to be.

The moral to this?  Oh, you  had to have known there was one.  Come on, it's me after all!!!  There is a very common saying "I may not be where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be".  This is so true.  I think sometimes in life when we don't "feel" the forward progress we fail to see the movement in that direction.  Sure we all have set-backs and lessons learned along the way, but we are getting there.  I can't say I'm where I need to be, I mean, I'm overweight, stressed continuously, struggling with some things, and constantly wondering if I'm doing enough, being enough, and so much more in the physical sense. And then there is my spiritual growth.  I want to be this woman that God can use.  This woman with whom God is pleased.  This woman who knows she's in the will of God.  But I am not.  I am not in all this cases.  Then I see where I was.  Let's start with 3 years ago.  I am not that woman.  Thank God I am not where I used to be.

Basically, dear readers, there will always be that one thing (or more) that you wish were different, that situation you pray would change, that time when you could have done this or that, that thing about yourself that you want changed, I could go on this way forever.  There is that relationship with the Lord that you want to know is growing faster and stronger with each day. Yet, if you were to take a good hard look on the inside, and because it is always the best thing to do, talk it over with the Lord, (to have His perspective and all), you will truly see that you aren't where you used to be, all the while living in the not where you need to be.

And that is the greatest place, to be.  May the Lord continue to grow you and move you.

Much love and prayers,
M

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