He is Faithful

I'm not one who's normally in on all the new lingo used by society these days. However, having two teenage daughters I do get the opportunity to learn some, willingly or not.  I've been hesitant to write this post for some time now -  for no other reason than I simply don't have the vernacular to give it justice.  In case I haven't let on, life has kind of got me in the feels lately.  


My family is hurting. I am hurting.  Not because of my family, but because of what someone is doing TO my family.  People, there is evil in this world.  There is evil that takes on the guise of "goodness".  It is evil wrapped up in selfishness and hatred and greed. It is evil that wants nothing more than to hurt another because of jealousy and spite. The hardest part of it is shielding those you love from the evil and not letting them see the hurt and pain you are going through because of it. 

I need to be honest here. I have prayed unendingly for this pain to go away.  For God to make it all disappear.  I have prayed for fairness and honesty to come front and center. I have even prayed for the person who is causing all of this.  I have prayed that they open the eyes of their heart and that the Father who created them could work in their life and help them to grow closer to Him.  I have prayed for strength and understanding for what's the matter. Then, I have prayed to have the ability to fix it all on my own.

Sadly, like life, this is a process. There isn't a cut and dry, snap of the fingers answer to this.  There isn't a way to make it all go away. But what I was reminded of in church today was that despite all of this, God is faithful.  He is faithful when I am scared. He is faithful when I think there is no way out.  He is faithful even when I try to do it all on my own because I lack the trust I need to rely on Him.  People, HE IS FAITHFUL.  And more than that, he is a good.  He is a good, good Father. He is so infinitely good.

And while I may not get the things I think are best in this life, He has never once let me down with what I have received.  He has given me what I need even when I didn't know what that was.  Yes, I want this season to end. Yes, I want the hurt go away.  Yes, I want to walk away from all this and not look back, but there is growth going on here. I can feel it.  He is not done building what is to come.  He is working it out in His way and in His time. He has a plan.  He has a purpose.  That alone is what I am counting on.  He's too faithful to let it happen and not have a reason for it.  This is too painful to not have the hope in that truth.

Before I end this post I also need to tell you this - I have stopped moving forward. I have stopped pursuing my dream. I have stopped working on something I felt the Lord had led me to. I have stopped finding joy and purpose in my life.   I stopped it all because I was, and still am, overwhelmed by this thing that is happening. I hate the way that feels.  I hate having to fight this thing.  But it has dawned on me, it was never mine to fight alone. I was never meant to take it all on by myself.  He wants me to come to Him.  "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I can't promise this will happen the minute I press the Publish button on this post.  I can't promise this will come in the next few days.  But I can promise you He is faithful.  I can tell myself He is faithful in His love and care for me, even in those moments, I am not faithful in my trust of that fact.


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