I have to be honest, there are times when I can't hold on to the joy, the happiness. Now, before you get the wrong idea about what I mean, I need to be completely open here - the underlying thing I'm talking about it the true essence of compassion, but we will get to that.
If any of you have followed me for any length of time, and many of you have you know that I've had some ups and downs over the past few years. Now, I won't recount them all because frankly it isn't the basis for this post. I've come to realize that nothing, absolutely NOTHING prepares you for something except to actually go through it! NEWS FLASH!! I KNOW!
Here's the thing, while yes, I've been broken, rocked to the core and torn in two, I've also been healed, loved, knitted back together, and blessed immeasurably. True, not each of those things happened in a succinct step-by-step manner, and often times I had to relearn a step or two. Which brings me to where I am right now.
You see, I know ladies who have been down this road; this broken, twisted, winding, pothole laden road. In fact, I know ladies who are still on it, who joined me (against their will) at about the same time, but have not found their "exit", so-to-speak. Oh, I'm sure it isn't for lack of trying, I've been there after all. And that is why I am where I am right now.
I feel guilty for being where I am. Like my happiness is their demise. No, I'm not trying to rub it in their face, I'm not toting my good fortune around like a flag of honor. It is nothing like that. I am simply happy. Actually, I am way more than that. I am in awe of the love that the Lord has shown me that he has brought me to where I am.
This doesn't mean that I don't hurt for you. That I don't care about you and how you feel. It means that I know, I understand, and I want to listen, to pray with you, to be a shoulder for you to cry on. Please just know that I want to be happy and not feel wrong for wanting to be. I don't want to look in your eyes and think of how I'm being judged.
Then as I reflect back on the timeline of my life I realize I, too, had that same look in my eyes. That look that had me begging for the inner peace, that shoulder to cry on, that reprieve from the pain and hurt, that desire to get off the stinking road.
It will come and it will look different for you than for me, but it will come.
Share in the joy. Share in the happiness.
Compassion holds so much.