If there is one thing in this world that I am the worst at, it is having patience. Well, I guess that isn't entirely true. I have no qualms about waiting in lines, at the doctor's office, at a stop light, etc. Where I have issues is with waiting on God's timing. I'm battling that right now. You see, I'm done waiting. I hate this. (Yes, I am going to whine for a bit here, but bare with me, I think it will work itself out in the end.) I hate this time where I am stuck going no where. Where I've quite emphatically expressed to God what it is that I want and even to a degree how it should be. Yes, I do know that isn't how it works!
The Bible tells us to be still, to know that He is God. It also tells us that He knows the desires of our heart. Then it goes on to tell us that He only wants the best for us. God is pretty awesome like that. Yet, we, in our humanness, can't see the big picture. We are creatures driven by wants and desires. We are oftentimes lost in our cravings. It takes an epic amount of strength and an intense amount of leaving it to God to get past the want. And that is the battle that is being waged in me right now. The want vs. the wait.
I am a hopeless romantic. I've been told, time and again, by others that life is not a fairytale. You know, for what it's worth, I think that is bunk. I think that we create our own fairytale in how we receive the gifts that are bestowed upon us. True love is the epitome of fairytales. That defining source of happiness that enters the lives of the two main characters. I ask you to find two people who have been married a year and ask them if they have their fairytale, 10 years, 25 years, 50 years. I think each one of those couples are going to tell you, that yes, at times, it was. Then others it will be everything but. And is that so wrong? Is it so wrong to see the beauty in the story that you created?
I want to create a story. I beautiful story. I want to have the whirlwind romance and pixie dust laden magical-ness of a fairy tale kind of love. Then I sit back and think, isn't a love like that worth the wait? Isn't letting God do what God does worth the wait? How do I work through the want to get there? I want it all now. A friend of mine, who is much better at the patience thing than I am, said to me just tonight, "Why worry about it? You can't change the outcome." (Paraphrase) And that is just it, what if I never get what I am to wait for? What if I miss what it is I'm waiting for because I am waiting for it? Exactly!
How do I let it all go, not think about it and let God handle it? I suppose there is just a bit more that this battle is teaching me; oh alright, quite a bit!
SCORE: Want - 1,000,000 Wait - 0
And this is what I want and must wait for: