I think one of the hardest things to do in life is accepting when you are wrong, most especially when another person is too. Hear me out on this. I am quite adept at standing my ground - with some people. I have a hard time being walked on, talked down to, and treated like I don't matter/exist. When this type of action is taken against me I tend to lash out - mostly with my words and the tone of my voice. While it is never good to be walked on, it is also never good to stoop to the other person's level. This is altogether harder when the person is someone you desperately want a relationship with.
The Bible has a whole lot to say about our words, our tongues, and anger. In some ways - meaning if you feel justified in your actions - it feels like the Lord doesn't want you to have a voice. But this is oh so very wrong. He does want you to have a voice. He just wants you to have the right voice and to use it in the right way. There is a mountain of scripture which speaks to this. A few are listed below, you know, to save you some time on your own search.
Proverbs 21:23 - "Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity."
Psalm 141:3 - "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips."
Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Proverbs 13:3 - "Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin."
Ephesians 4:31 - "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."
But, you know me well enough to know I'm not just writing this to give you a scripture lesson, there is always something behind the need to share. Have you ever wanted to be included, accepted, loved, or heaven's even just liked? Sure you have - it is human nature. It is how we are built. But in this need, have you ever tried forcing the issue? By forcing the issue I mean constantly reminding others who you are, where you came from, and what you do and don't like? In addition to this, also expected them to love and accept your people? (In my case, my people are my children.)
Here's the thing the Lord has been impressing upon me in the last few days. (Disclaimer: this post has been in the making for a really, really long time because this isn't the first time this has been impressed upon me!) How others treat me or view me is NOT - now really hear me on this - it is NOT about me. And because it is not about me, it is not for me to defend. It simply isn't. HOWEVER. (Now, you knew that was coming - Ha!) What IS about me is how I respond to them. *Lightbulb* or *Facepalm* whichever works best for you...
You see, no amount of trying is going to change a person's want and desire to have you in their lives - it just isn't. I mean, look at how people treated our Savior. Now, I'm not trying to put myself up there with Him in the least, what I am saying is that if He was treated like that, what on Earth makes me think I should deserve never to be? This doesn't mean I purposely set out to ruffle tail feathers and create animosity, no, I genuinely want to to be liked, loved, cared for, wanted, etc. But my basis for living, for being, should not be consumed by this need. Because when it is - well - that is when the words and the anger trump the living and the being.
When I was little, my grandma taught me the little saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." That is about as far from the truth as it gets. You can heal from being hit with sticks and stones, but you cannot heal (entirely) from words that are spoken. Go on, think of something negative, harsh, or mean, someone has said to you and how it made you feel. Now, think about if YOU were the person who said it to another person. If it hurt you, don't you think it would hurt someone else too? While it is also true, "hurt people, hurt people", it is never right to set out to do that. It just isn't. Yes, even when you feel justified in your actions. Even when you have been blatantly wronged. Even when it is hurtful to you and your people.
Why? Because the fight isn't yours. The person's actions are for the Lord to judge and you, you are going to be judged for yours. Now, I don't want to scare you, God isn't going to bring out a paddle and whoop your backside, but He is going to use His spirit to convict you and in some cases, He may just never make a path for that relationship you so desperately wish would come to life. But again, that doesn't define you. It doesn't. What defines you is the integrity of your character and the person the Lord is creating in you.
Choose your words wisely my friends.