Well lovelies it is October. This month has finally arrived. I haven't been on here in a while, but I have checked in to read your comments. Last month was a month of a lot of firsts for me. I started off telling you about it and sharing a lot of the things I learned. I had a milestone last month. I ran my first half marathon. My goal was to come in under 2 hours. I finished at 2:03:25. I started too slow (10 min/mile pace), didn't pick my splits up soon enough, and had WAY too much energy left at the finish. But, I will take this as a win and another learning experience. There is so much to learn about running, but I think it is what you learn about yourself when you run that really makes the difference. I am learning that I really do have what it takes for the long haul.
But is was how that month ended and this one began that I really need to share with you. First, I must say that today, today is seven weeks that I have been without a man in my life. And I am actually doing pretty darn good! Much better than I thought I would be, but then again, sometimes, perspective has a way of showing you things you don't want to see. Like, I really do have what it takes to be on my own.
We had fall revival at our church these past few days. Sunday through yesterday to be precise. That was the first time I never missed a revival service. It helped that the evangelist was absolutely amazing and his message beyond exactly what I needed to hear. As with all things, we learn most when we are open to what is said. Honestly, I learned a lot each day, but it was Tuesday night and last night that had my heart racing and my tears flowing. See, I know a few things to be wholly true. This applies to us all. I know that God does not make mistakes. That means that each of us, even me, are not mistakes. We were all designed by Him to be here. I also know that He never changes. He is always the same and has been since the beginning of time. And because of this it is us who goes through change. Good, bad, back and forth...change. Change brings learning.
To share briefly, on Monday, the message was that we are to stop seeing ourselves as the world sees us. We are also to stop seeing ourselves in the way we see us. We are to see our selves in the way God sees us. Only when we do that can we accept the truth about who we truly are and live our lives according to that. You see, insecurity comes from seeing ourselves through others' eyes. That insecurity leads us to becoming someone we aren't, all to gain something from the other person/people. But the truth of it is, God wants us to be who he made us to be. BIG WORDS RIGHT THERE PEOPLE! BIG WORDS! Who am I? I'm learning this right now.
Tuesday the message was on sin. What sin does to us. What sin did to those in the Bible. I'm going to be honest here, because those that know me, truly know me, know that I am a very transparent person. I don't hide much. I tell it all. I sin. Gasp! It's true. But the bigger point was what sin keeps us from. We are not tempted into sin by God. He is the antithesis of Sin, but He took our sins on Himself so that we may have freedom in Him. People, you know what this means? It means, that because I asked, I am forgiven! (Now, we can't keep doing that same thing - just need to throw that out there. You know, in case fingers wanted to begin pointing and all.) I know there are those who may read this that will never forgive me. For that, I am sorry, but I know God has. I honeslty believe this. I am not the person my sins made me to be. Here's the thing, the devil knows our weaknesses. He knows those things that we desire most, just like God does. But his ploy is to get us to do what we know we shouldn't. He weakens us and weakens us. Sometimes he uses small means, others big. But sin is sin any way it is sliced. We each have to chose to enter into it. And those small steps sometimes add up to that last big one. But it is still sin all the same. And just because mine is different than yours does not make me a worse person. But, I'm ok with what you think. You're entitled to that. Because I know what my Jesus thinks and that is what matters most to me. We all get second chances, people. We all do, especially when we let Him work through us.
Last night the message was just as amazing. I know that God has a dream for me. I know that He has plans for my life. I don't know what they are just yet and truth, I'm ok with that. Well, to a point. I really do have issues with patience! I just know that He does know the desires of my heart. He knows what I want more than anything. And the ironic thing about that, in the past couple of days I have had a couple different friends tell me in almost the EXACT same words at completely different times and in different circumstances, the same thing. I can't tell you what it is just yet, it's still being worked out in me, but I know that God sometimes tells us things through other Christians. And I have the biggest smile on my face because of that. The main message wasn't on that, but it is what I remember the most. And the prayer time. Again, buckets full of tears. But God has big shoulders and an endless supply of kleenex so all is good. He just wanted my honesty and heartfelt prayer. He got both. And I got the peace of knowing He will never leave me. Yeah, He's pretty cool like that.
In all, as this month, the one I've been dreading, has started I came into it with some hope and some lessons learned. Truthfully I came into it revived. I know there will be struggles as this month tarries on. Afterall, I will reach another milestone this month. But, I'll get there when the time is right. My heart is too happy to talk about it now. For now, I leave you with this: Nothing you have done is too big for God to forgive. He has made you because He loves you. All you have to do is ask. It really is your choice.
By the way, the evangelist, who just happens to be wicked awesome is Jeremiah Bolich. You can click here to check out his ministry. Actually, he has several sites; I recommend you check them all out through Google.