I don't know the first thing about golf and truth be told I really don't want to. However, today I feel like calling a mulligan. Not because I want to redo any portion of this day, but more so because I want to redo my life, or at least certain portions of it. I'm finding that on this quest to trust others and to love others that there are huge moments of reflection involved. Reflection, regrettably, brings about guilt; guilt brings about sorrow; and sorrow brings about the desire to undo that thing which caused it in the first place. I have a lot of that - guilt. I look at my life and wonder how on Earth I got to the place I am in now. Certainly I should not be here and not because the here is bad, but that the here actually has a lot of good. I know, sounds strange doesn't it? That's the thing, I don't deserve any of this. Yet, despite what I deserve I have so much more; truly so much to be thankful for. Why? Undoubtedly because I have a God that is beyond wonderful.
I read my girls their devotional tonight. Let me stop there. It is completely ironic that each of the lessons that we have gone through over the past week have been more of something that I needed to hear than I am sure they understood even though the book is geared towards kids. Today's devotional: "Seek Me First." The premise: to seek God first when making goals in life. It isnt' that he doesn't want you (me) to have them, it is that he may have something better for you (me) or he may take your (my) goal and make it bigger and better. I mean, who better to take something small and make it grand or something to take something misformed and perfect it? And that, my dear readers, is why I want to declare a mulligan on my life.
You see, I have made so many goals. Some have transpired without a hitch and others, well, let's leave them in the L column. I have charged head first, like a bull in a china closet, through life and have wound up with more broken plates (goals/dreams, friendships, relationships, emotions, etc) than would have been necessary had I sought the direction of the one who knows what is best for me in the first place. Society teaches us to take charge, do first and ask for forgiveness later, but God says to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness." (Matthew 6:33) Why? Because when we dive into something headlong and then ask him to bless it we are much more determined to get our way that we inevitably leave him out. Why? Because absolutely no one has a better plan for your (my) life than God. His point of view is a lifespan long, ours, well, that is an easy answer. Here's the kicker, if your (my) goals match his then he will help you (me) reach them. If they don't, it's ok. He will help change, slowly, your (my) way of thinking to be in line with his. In all, it is a win-win situation.
Sadly, there are no mulligans in life. This is a once in a lifetime shot. Sure we can give our goals over, we can realign our thinking, we can give our lives to God (the best step by the way), but we can never undo what has happened. However, life does go on. We will all encounter sand traps, water holes, rough patches, and divots, but God, he has it all taken care of. He knows the way to the green and can help us make par, all we have to do is seek him first.