Monday, January 30, 2012

The Perils of Communication

Have you ever noticed that the more you want to talk to someone the more likely it is that no one is there to talk to?  As of late, I find this to be, increasingly more, the case.  I also wonder if this incessant need to talk to someone has more to do with the fact that technology allows me to do so in ever varying ways.  For instance I can call, text, IM, email, FB, or something akin to that.  However, all those avenues do not mean there is actually someone on the other side to reply.  This lack of response leads to even more desperation to reach out; like this insane craving for a fix.  I'm sure a junkie could relate to this; however, this fix isn't a chemical one, ok perhaps it is to some degree, though not of the lab created kind but more the phsyiological kind. 

So there I was today, leaving work and wanting more than ever to share my day with someone. I wanted to share all that had occurred but there was no one there.  I tried my bestie, but due to the time zone differences she was still at work, so I left a voice mail.  I called my grandma, but didn't want to data dump on her as it would have been overwhelming for her. (I have that affect on people some times.)  I couldn't call my husband as he was at work - plus he doesn't understand my chatter and tunes me out quite often.  As I sat there I quickly realized how alone in this world a person really is.  Despite all the modes of communication available, if you have no one to really reach out to, they are but a defunct tool in an already overcrowded tool box.

That made me realize another thing, even with all my friends, and I do have several, I don't have that bond which makes me comfortable enough to call them up and share such things.  Perhaps it is because I am secretly afraid there will be a judgement of some sort, a level of indifference, or by chance, a label of pretentious or ostentatious that will be applied to me.  Therefore, all this has left me with a story to tell and no one to tell it to.  So I ask, do I share my joy with the masses and, in the end, feel good for just getting it off my chest or do I keep it to myself and wait for either my bestie or my hubby to be available?

In hind sight my story is most likely a frivolous accounting and deaf ears would have abound anyway, which left me with telling it to myself and typing this diatribe on the wonders of technology and the lack of respondents.

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