Friday, January 13, 2012

Disappointment

There are times in life when you get so exited only to be let down.  Sometimes this is done slowly and yet other times, it is so abrupt you don't know how to respond until you've realized you are paralyzed from the intensity of the bruise on your ego.  I know that as a grown up there should be a level of comprehension and understanding that regardless of your best laid plans, intentions, hopes, and dreams, that the chance of having those taken from you is there.  It hurts no less than when a kid is promised a day at an amusement park and it is taken from them.  It is one of those things that makes being a grown up so hideously horrible. 

I am in this moment, or rather, just a couple of hours ago in this frame of mind.  I can't say that I didn't expect it.  Heaven's after 30+ years of life it is one of those things I should know the most, never, ever, get your hopes up.  But I did.  Why?  Because it involved one of my biggest passions; learning.  I love to learn.  I love to learn so that I can teach.  But I also know that there are lessons learned when the true act of "learning" isn't taking place.  Today was one of them.

Now, the next lesson is the result of the action.  How will I continue on after this particular lesson.  Do I move on and let it go like water under a bridge?  Do I sulk and become withdrawn like my sullen pre-teen?  Do I accept the fact, continue to give a 110% and learn on my own?  What is the answer?  I don't have the right one.  I know without a doubt what the wrong one is, but am in some sense without the power to control the emotions that are attached to it.  Yet, control it I must and therefore, will.

In the end the only way to remove disappointment is to count the blessings.  I don't have it as bad as others and as long as I never look at the better, I will never have a disappointment.  So, in that light, I have found the water under my bridge and in it is the letters that made up the sentences that I didn't want to hear today.  Letters that are swiftly floating out to sea where they will be joined by all the others and in the end become words of encouragement as they meld into something better along the way.

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