The Best Real Life
I have a love-hate relationship with social media. First, I love it simply because I can keep up on many things, most importantly what is going on in the life of my family and friends. Hate, well, because it does nothing more than exacerbate the green feeling I get when I see those highlight reels. Let me explain.
How many times do you see people post about the lost job? The broken-down 15-year-old car? The leaking roof? The kid who does nothing but sass back (yes, even though you are a church-going family)? The list goes on and on. Those types of real-life sharings are few and far between. In fact, I am guilty of it myself. Like, who cares about my real-life anyway?
How many times do you see people post about little Johnny's first place checkers tournament win, or little Sue's handmade basket - which she just happened to do while underwater in less than five minutes thank you, or Jim-bob's promotion to supervisor first-class special super duper awesome line leader, or Sally's pristine wood floors - man we really COULD eat off those things. In fact, I am guilty of it myself. Like, who really cares about their real-life anyway?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say - real life, it keeps us vulnerable - and, "ain't nobody got time for that!" When did we ever get to a spot where sharing the realness became scary? Where sharing the things that we may possibly fail at, that we may possibly regret, that way may possibly lose, become taboo? How did we get to a point in life where it is all a competition; where one-upping the next person is more important than sharing in success and fulfillment of dreams?
I am a member of a mom's group through my church. I don't know 75% of these women, for no other reason than the group spans all three of our campuses and well, I attend only one. Regardless, this group, it is beautiful. These women, and most especially the coordinators, they keep it real. They share a TIRL (This Is Real Life) thread each week. People, it gets SO. VERY. REAL. So many of us are in the same boat. This topic, the one I am on now, it was this past week's TIRL.
Why is this important? Well, wouldn't you know, God does things on His own time and in His own way. While I admit I get quite angry over that at times, I know He knows best and knows when I need something (or not) more than I do. Yes, I have a point.
My Mr., bless his soul, is quite good at calling a spade a spade; even when it really isn't. (By my definition, naturally.) You see, I don't share a lot of things with a lot of people for many reasons. Primarily because, and sorry if this stings, it isn't any of your business. At least that is what I tell myself. What I call being selective, he calls being secretive. While I could go on concerning the vast differences between the two, the point of this story is that he told me I prefer secretiveness over selectiveness. I just let him know that not everyone cares about my real life.
In our banter (a kind way of saying stern discussion) he informed me that in my "selectiveness" I was missing an opportunity to teach those around me (children, family, close friends) the work of God in my life and the power of trust in Him. Pfft...what does he know? Apparently enough that I wrote this blog. Since he will get around to reading this, maybe, eventually, I will say - thank you.
Sharing vulnerability, sharing your real life is not a bad thing. It is not a woe-is-me pity party or a look-at-me parade. No, it is a way of opening yourself up to others, allowing them to see you have thoughts, feelings, desires, passions, and just the same amount of crazy going on as they do. Sure, all those things look different, smell different, sound different, and happen at different times, but they are all the same. We all have a real life.
My challenge with this post is simple. Be open. Be willing to share what you need to with others. Be willing to let them see the vulnerable side of you and how you need, moment-by-moment, the grace and peace of a great-big God to take each step. How your real life isn't all rainbows and roses, but most assuredly has storms and weeds. While we may not always get what we want, we do get what we need (thanks Rolling Stones for the earworm) and sometimes, that looks a whole lot like the best real life.
How many times do you see people post about the lost job? The broken-down 15-year-old car? The leaking roof? The kid who does nothing but sass back (yes, even though you are a church-going family)? The list goes on and on. Those types of real-life sharings are few and far between. In fact, I am guilty of it myself. Like, who cares about my real-life anyway?
How many times do you see people post about little Johnny's first place checkers tournament win, or little Sue's handmade basket - which she just happened to do while underwater in less than five minutes thank you, or Jim-bob's promotion to supervisor first-class special super duper awesome line leader, or Sally's pristine wood floors - man we really COULD eat off those things. In fact, I am guilty of it myself. Like, who really cares about their real-life anyway?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say - real life, it keeps us vulnerable - and, "ain't nobody got time for that!" When did we ever get to a spot where sharing the realness became scary? Where sharing the things that we may possibly fail at, that we may possibly regret, that way may possibly lose, become taboo? How did we get to a point in life where it is all a competition; where one-upping the next person is more important than sharing in success and fulfillment of dreams?
I am a member of a mom's group through my church. I don't know 75% of these women, for no other reason than the group spans all three of our campuses and well, I attend only one. Regardless, this group, it is beautiful. These women, and most especially the coordinators, they keep it real. They share a TIRL (This Is Real Life) thread each week. People, it gets SO. VERY. REAL. So many of us are in the same boat. This topic, the one I am on now, it was this past week's TIRL.
Why is this important? Well, wouldn't you know, God does things on His own time and in His own way. While I admit I get quite angry over that at times, I know He knows best and knows when I need something (or not) more than I do. Yes, I have a point.
My Mr., bless his soul, is quite good at calling a spade a spade; even when it really isn't. (By my definition, naturally.) You see, I don't share a lot of things with a lot of people for many reasons. Primarily because, and sorry if this stings, it isn't any of your business. At least that is what I tell myself. What I call being selective, he calls being secretive. While I could go on concerning the vast differences between the two, the point of this story is that he told me I prefer secretiveness over selectiveness. I just let him know that not everyone cares about my real life.
In our banter (a kind way of saying stern discussion) he informed me that in my "selectiveness" I was missing an opportunity to teach those around me (children, family, close friends) the work of God in my life and the power of trust in Him. Pfft...what does he know? Apparently enough that I wrote this blog. Since he will get around to reading this, maybe, eventually, I will say - thank you.
Sharing vulnerability, sharing your real life is not a bad thing. It is not a woe-is-me pity party or a look-at-me parade. No, it is a way of opening yourself up to others, allowing them to see you have thoughts, feelings, desires, passions, and just the same amount of crazy going on as they do. Sure, all those things look different, smell different, sound different, and happen at different times, but they are all the same. We all have a real life.
My challenge with this post is simple. Be open. Be willing to share what you need to with others. Be willing to let them see the vulnerable side of you and how you need, moment-by-moment, the grace and peace of a great-big God to take each step. How your real life isn't all rainbows and roses, but most assuredly has storms and weeds. While we may not always get what we want, we do get what we need (thanks Rolling Stones for the earworm) and sometimes, that looks a whole lot like the best real life.
I totally get this!! I think sometimes the hardest thing about sharing "real life" struggles is the vulnerability and in some sense giving others the power to hurt you or look at your struggles like they're nothing, or you're doi g everything wrong because of it. We never want to be a woman who just complains about every little thing, but being real with people takes courage, but it's also the very thing that in our culture nowadays that we are craving. I feel like we've, in some ways, lost the ability to communicate and connect as a community, because yes we try and compare ourselves to others and we will never be as good as we think we need to be. That's part of the reason I started mommyunvarnished.com was I wanted something real....not all the highlights you see on Facebook, but a journey through which God used the pain in my life to create beauty.
ReplyDeleteLove your post and I think it is something we all deal with and get frustrated with at times.