Oh my stars, you guys! I have been so busy with work, school, and raising Littles, that I've sort of left this blog all by its lonesome. I SOOOOO need to catch you up on a few things!!! Bare with me if I start to ramble, but I promise to circle back and leave you with a solid!
About two months ago the Mr. and I decided to finally accept the invitation extended to us by my dear friend, T, to visit the new church that she had found. Now, I'm going to remind you of a character trait of mine, you know in case you've forgotten by the lack of posts from me lately, I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE! Nope. Not. One. Lick! However, he and I decided to give it a go on a week that we knew the Littles would be in service at our "home" church (which for those who don't know, or don't experience this with your gaggle of giggling goofballs, sitting still for an hour and half is not easy - read that as exhausting). Since we knew T's family would be there our Littles were happy they would know someone and, well, truth be told, us too. I'll skip all the smaller details, but to let you know one of the biggest (and for those with teenagers you can relate), my oldest paid attention. Did you read that?! No, really! As in - put her sketch book and pencil down, didn't fall asleep, sat on the edge of her chair, paid attention. (BIG!!!) The other 4 attended the Children's Service.
After a lot of prayer the week following that Sunday and struggling with the uncertainty of attending a different church (fear that I would be punished for not going to my home church, or that people would stop liking me because I didn't attend my home church) we decided to go back again, this time our weekend without the Littles. Fast forward - We stayed. As you know, I am a person who feels they have to justify or explain EVERYTHING. It's like if I give a person an opportunity to interpret anything for themselves they are going to interpret it with he worst possible reasoning and outcome (whether true or not). Anyhow, ALL the people in my house asked to go back! All of them. (Well, I must admit my middle Little started to get homesick and has asked to go back to our "old" church - she's a lot like her momma, she doesn't do well with change. I'm praying she will come around and grow to love it too.) Since then, we've joined the Wednesday evening Bible Study, my oldest Little and I go to a Monday night women's group and she has joined the worship team. It is still a young church (6.5 months old) and there aren't a lot of children's clubs/studies/activities - YET - but I am certain, with all I am, God has big plans for this place!
All that said, there is a main reason for this post which I want to get out there to you all. Something which I know I have shared time and again over these years and something I have definitely learned a time or two, myself, over the years. Church, God, all of it, will never make an impact if you aren't actively involved. I've spent so many years learning and studying and searching and going, but not so much with the doing. Now, it isn't that I haven't had an option or desire, but each time I would try I was knocked down before I ever really got up. I can't say that some of it wasn't my own fault, I mean after all, when you need people to be the strong image of togetherness and you know that inside they are a crumbling pillar then you don't want them to be in a position others look up to. I cannot fault the decisions made because of that. And, yes, this is a thing.
Despite that, I am learning something about me. I am learning that no matter what I was, what I've been through, and what I battle with today, God can use me. Most importantly I am learning that my baggage doesn't need to cripple me. No. In fact, the person I am, the me that has been battle torn and scared, the me that is still hanging by on the grace given only by the Lord, the me that knows I am a sinner bought by the blood, the me that longs to help bring to others the peace of knowing God's amazing love, that me is engaging, is seeking, is trying. Why now? Perhaps because I know that I don't have to be afraid of the years worth of built-up perceptions that have been placed on me by others or myself because they don't matter. They do. not. matter! I am someone to Christ. He will use me. Even if it is just taking 5 little souls to church each week that I can, he is using me. Even if it is ensuring the coffee carafes are full and there are enough stir sticks in the container, he is using me. Even if it is to drive our Littles to events and activities and practices at church, he is using me. And that, that alone means I have a purpose and am someone God can use.