The other night I was in a great deal of emotional pain regarding this topic of being a step-mom. I've had a couple of days to think about it and calm down. You see, I know that no matter what, God has my back. That even though I may not have wanted a divorce and as surely as divorce is not what God wants, it happens. And because it happens, God gives people second chances at forever. Sure, nothing is ever the same, but that doesn't mean there can't be something new and special and in some cases a greater blessing because of it.
However, another thing I know is that it is going to be work. A LOT OF WORK. I know that; just like all the other things that can go wrong in life, all the other battles, struggles, and lessons to learn from in life, this is just another example. I also know that God doesn't send us out into the world without first giving us the means to find the answers. In fact, He gave us the answers before we even knew what the questions were going to be. That is what I have come to these past couple of days.
You know when I said I was yelling at God and asking Him why He hated me so much? Well, He couldn't answer me straight away because I wasn't going to really listen to Him. I was inconsolable. (For those of you with a small child you know EXACTLY what this looks like!) I know now what it is that I need to do. I need to go to the one place that has all the answers. Now, granted, I can't just look up in the index for the subject "How to step-parent" because those weren't the words used per say all those years ago, but I know that they existed.
How do I know? Well, the Bible speaks of death and divorce. These two things are as old as time to some degree. And sure as the sun will come up tomorrow there were children affected by those very things from that time as well. So, I think that in God's word He has guidance and instruction for those of us who need them for this reason. I mean, why not? He is God. He knew before time began the world we would be in. The words that He wrote were put there for our use and application today, just as much as they were for the people of the time. It is, after all, the living word of God.
Another thing that struck me in all of this were the words said to my by my cousin after reading the original post. I need to let you know, I love this woman. She says, "it takes a strong woman to be a step-mom, which I know you are. Maybe everything we have gone through in life so far was strengthening us for this." People, this is it! God doesn't give the hard jobs to the faint of heart. He gives the hard jobs to the fighters, the strong willed, the ones He knows will do the best they can to love those that weren't theirs from the start. And that is just it, I may not be the biological mom, but I will be the step-mom their dad CHOSE for them. I will NOT be "the other woman" because some therapist somewhere said that is all I will ever be. NO! I will be a woman who God chose to carry the burden of loving more children than he blessed her with biologically. I will be the woman who gets the honor of more than every other weekend, because I have the honor of showing them that love doesn't have to only be given to those you birthed.
Then, after that, after I have lived my days with these new blessings, with the joys (and pains) of raising my 3 Littles alongside those of my future husband's I just hope God will smile at me and say, "I knew you could do it. I made you strong enough just for this and you didn't fail. When it was hard and it hurt and when there was no thank you or care given in return you did it anyway. And because of that, Mandy, you have shown them what it truly means to love like I do." So, with that, all you step-moms out there, all you women who are already on the road to becoming one, and all you women that, like me, pray for the honor of someday getting to be one, just remember, God only gives the toughest battles to those He knows will fight the good fight.
Now, if I may, I have some Littles to love and a smile of hope to share.