Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Running on Empty

There are days when I feel I could reduce my life to a few song lyrics.  Or rather, a feeling brings a song to mind.  Today I felt like I was going in a hundred different directions at once.  9+ hour work days, a home to take care of, school to go to, kids to raise, life to live, ah...the proverbial American Dream.  I have it all and yet I run after more, but the end is always just one more hour away.  Do I go into work early to leave earlier for more time with the kids?  Do I go to work at a reasonable time and get off later in the afternoon so that I can get enough sleep?  Do I skip my homework and class for family time?  Do I stay focused on school so I can get the degree I need to keep my job?  Do I sit back and let it all come at me while going a hundred miles an hour just watching the road pass under my wheels?  Even taking it all one step at a time I feel I am running behind. 

My devotional for today talked about the dreams that we have.  No, not the ones that come when sleeping, but those dreams we have for life, in life. "The first thing God does to build your faith is give you a dream. When God wants to work in your life, he always gives you a dream — about yourself, about what he wants you to do, about how he’s going to use your life to impact the world." I read this and thought that's awesome! I'm actually living the American dream!  I may be running in circles and have so much to be thankful for, but is that dream, MY dream?  Is that dream HIS dream?  What is the DREAM?  At this point I'm even more confused. Then my devotional goes on to tell me, "How do you know when a dream is from God or when it’s just something you’ve thought up yourself? The Bible tells us that God “by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of — infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes” (Ephesians 3:20 LB).  In other words, if a dream comes from God, it will be so big in your life that you can’t do it on your own. If you could do it on your own, you wouldn’t need faith. And if you don’t have faith, you’re not pleasing God, because the Bible says whatever is not of faith is sin (Romans 14:23).  God starts to build your faith by giving you a dream. He may be speaking to you now, but you just don’t recognize it for what it is. That dream you have, the idea or concept you’ve been thinking about doing that would be of real benefit to other people — where do you think that idea came from?"

So then I think about how far behind I am, in my house work, my school work, my work work, and it hits me; I may be running behind on an empty tank tackling this insanely large dream, but I'm actually heading somewhere.  This somewhere that will take me to a concrete place.  This somewhere that has a reward for the effort taken to get there.  I may not win a Mother of the Year Award, but I am a mommy of 3 which arecounting on me to build them up and form them, hey that's an awesome dream! (Definitely something I couldn't do with out a lot of prayer and guidance.)  I may not win Employee of the Month, but I leave work each day proud of the work I've done and I work each day to the glory of the Lord.  I may not be the class Valedictorian, but I'm doing OK; I have a 3.37 GPA.  That has to count for something, right?  I may not have a mansion in Heaven awaiting me when I get there to stand before the throne, but I know I'm going to get there. Most importantly I have faith, though seemingly the size of a mustard seed, that says dreams don't necessarily have to be grand to be big.

So, even though I'm tired, exhausted, empty, and frustrated, I am also thankful for a God that gives me the ability to dream and loves me enough to make them bigger than I could have ever imagined. 

Oh, and in case you are in the mood for a great song, click here!

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