I Read Too Much

My entire life I have struggled with not being good enough and not being seen.  In some situations, this would cause me to point out things others did wrong in order to make my insignificance a little less so. Or in others it would lead me to brag about the smallest of things in order to be noticed. I grew up in a trailer park which sat at the top of a hill from a lake.  At the bottom of the hill, around the lake, was a campground.  I lived in the most magical place on Earth, or so my young self thought. I had friends and adventures.  I had the freedom to play and grow the way kids of the 80's did. Despite all this, I was still picked on relentlessly up through middle school. We moved in high school, I thought it would change, but the only thing that did was the trailer park we lived in.  You see, I had unfortunate growth cycles - this offered me many more years of roundness than height. I've also been plagued with poor eyesight, fine hair, and a challenging c...

One of the devotionals I read recently talked about the most effective tool in the enemy's toolbox.  This tool is one common to everyone and one that debilitates, to some degree, all who pick it up or even happen upon in.  I hate to admit the number of times, I too, have fallen to the pull of this tool.  To be honest, I've been holding it firmly in my hands with a white-knuckled grip lately.  This tool and I have gotten to know each other.  There are some days where I can't see how life could function any other way.  Then there are days where the freedom of a victory causes me to set the tool down and walk in the blessed assurance that all is right and good in my life. Discouragement is a mighty tool of the enemy.  People I am so discouraged right now.  It feels like one step forward and two steps back with things. In fact, I have begun to question whether having goals and dreams and desires is even worthwhile.  Most especially when I am tr...

There comes a time in life where you expect to have finally arrived.  What that arrival looks like for you is wholly dependent upon the thing(s) that drive you.  Me, I wanted to have a career I cared about and a feeling of self-worth.  Before you click off and chose something else to read, hear me out on this.  I have long maintained my favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes; it still is.  I love that book for a myriad of reasons, but most of all because the author got it.  He just did.  Solomon was a great guy.  He had more wisdom than anyone else in all of history and yet still had issues.  I love the story of how he became the wisest person to ever be.  When he came into power, so-to-speak, the Lord asked him to name whatever it was that he wanted.  He could have the cattle on 1000 hills, he could be stronger than any man alive, he could, well, be anyone and anything.  Instead, he, in all his humbleness, simply asked for...

This morning while I was out on my run I got to talking with the Lord.  Let me start there. Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows how much I love to run, for those who are new to this, it's kind of another thing I do.  Any how, since my injury...self-medicating...stubbornness...final relenting to go to doctors...and surgery later...phew that is a mouthful, I'm back at it.  Slowly, of course.  Ever so painstakingly slow.  You may be wondering how any of this has to do with my dog.  No, she is not a runner.  LOL. Anyhow, during that time of talk, I started thinking of Miss Clarabelle.  Look at her face.  Just look!  Isn't she beyond precious?  She is the most loving, loyal, fluffy, funny, energetic, and adorable dog in all the world.  (Yes, this is tinted with a slight hue of bias.) During this talk, it was brought to light the similarities between pet ownership/relationship and that of a person's walk ...

You know, I really have to admire a guy like Job.  I mean here was a man who lost everything...EVERYTHING and still didn't blame it on the Lord and still maintained his strength of faith and rebuked those who told him to admonish the Lord. No, I'm not reading in Job right now, I'm in Numbers. So, why am I going down this path of thought?   Well, here's the thing.  Sometimes being an adult isn't all it is cracked up to be.  In fact, there are days when it is the worst thing.  Honestly to be able to go back to having someone else take care of everything would be super awesome.  BUT.... That isn't the way of life.  In fact, life is all about moving forward even in the face of adversity and Job-like moments.  I've been MIA lately due to some things that have occurred in our life that have resulted in the Mr. and I having to buck up and become the responsible parties for someone elses' poor decisions and life skills.  Let me tell you, I enj...

I'm going to try to make this short, more because I only have about 20 minutes before I have to leave for work than because I don't have much to say.  I hate this time of year.  I try really hard not to hate it, really I do.  In fact, today is a very special day for someone I love.  Today is my Mr.'s birthday.  I truly hope he likes his gift and that today is filled with blessings for him.  However, outside of that one thing, there isn't much I care for in this month. Why is this month so horrible?  Well, for the days leading up to my own birthday they serve as an anticipation for a day that has never been special for me, and for the days that follow it, they serve as a transition back to life as normal.  Why do I hate my birthday so much?  It has nothing to do with aging, after all, none of us can change the course of that.  I hate my birthday so much because it is nothing more than a reminder of the day I was born to someone who hate...

I'm reading in Exodus right now.  I have to tell you, the names of the people in ancient times were something else!  I love the old testament stories.  I love reading about all the ways God cared for His people, about how He made ordinary people into leaders and protectors of His people.  I love reading how much God loves us.  It is absolutely amazing. There is something else that is absolutely amazing to me - the way His people missed all the ways they were being loved and cared for.  Now, I'd like to tell you I would never, ever in a million years behave, react, or otherwise compromise the blessings the way the Israelites did in the Old Testament.  However, I am most certain telling you that would be a farce.  You see, I do.  I do behave and act the way they did.  I do compromise the blessings I have been given the way they did.  How?  Let's look. In Chapter 16 the Lord tells Moses he is going to provide some food each da...