I Read Too Much

I woke up early today, earlier than normal. The Mr. hadn't even come in to give me a good-bye kiss yet (he leaves before 5 am). Yes, that early.  My brain has been completely stuck in a whirlwind. So many thoughts and ideas to get onto this virtual paper. I tried going back to sleep, but couldn't.  I tried dulling them away with time on the Internet, but was unsuccessful.  So here I am, instead of getting ready for work myself, writing to you - this vast unknown of readers. Below is a highly condensed version of the last twenty years of my life.  Highly. Condensed. I got my first house, a tin can really, in the fall of 1996. It was a small, but quaint trailer in a local trailer park. I shared it with my high school sweetheart and I was going to get married, have a couple kids, and spend my life in perfect happiness. I love looking back on my naivete. It wasn't that things couldn't have progressed like my romance novels said they could, but I wanted more.  So,...

In the past two days I have been challenged.  Challenged in a way that I don't ever recall being challenged before. The Mr. and I are in a Small Group study through our church.  We are currently studying Francis Chan's "Forgotten God". If I can take a minute and share my utter love for his delivery of God's truths.  He is a phenomenal pastor and teacher.  I digress. For those who aren't familiar with the book, it is based solely on the work of the Holy Spirit and the work that only He can do in our lives.  Yesterday and today we spent some time reading the book and doing the accompanying workbook and can I say, we were both caught off guard.  Not in a bad way, but in a moment of 'aha-ness'!.  Then today at church the message was, for lack of better words, on point.  While much was said, I am still ruminating on the reason why Jesus came.  He came to set us free from the bondage of sin.  Yes, we all know this.  However, when we thi...

"Who Am I?" At some point in life, everyone asks this of themselves in one way, shape, or form.   It is an age-old question.  For some, the answer is quick and they carry on with life in full confidence of each step and move they make.  For others, it is a daily quest wrought with wins and losses.  I am most assuredly closer to the latter than the former.  We live in a society that applies labels to people faster than Amazon can deliver a package. In fact, right now, typing this, I can be labeled a blogger.  I also have the honor of holding the labels - wife, mom, step-mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, cousin, friend, employee, the list goes on and on.  It, without a doubt, has no true end. Despite all these labels, I have one that has been mine since birth -  my name. I was blessed with a plain name. It has no frills, no elegance behind it, it is boring, and quite frankly I've hated it since I was old enough to know how to. I have often wondere...

I want to be upfront here - I hate waiting. I have never been good at it.  Well, not entirely true.  I don't mind waiting at the doctor's office, in line, in traffic, or on the phone.  Probably because I have my phone with a million and one books downloaded but besides that, I don't wait well. So, what has the Lord done for me lately?  Why, bless His heart! He's given me opportunity after opportunity after opportunity (because just one wasn't enough) to learn how to wait. Truth be told, I'm an ugly waiter-er; it's sort of along the lines of ugly crying (we all know how that looks). But instead of streams of tears and booger-snotting everywhere, ugly waiting has things like short tempers, frazzled nerves, and a general dislike for life.  In other words, it is just as messy.  Instead of leaving a mess on someone's shoulder you tend to leave a mess, in general.  Granted, it's not intentional - at least in my case - but messy none-the-less. You see, ...

I woke up to an empty house this morning.  The Mr. had to work - a special shout out to all the public service personnel who don't get holidays off, you are revered more than you know - at least in our household. All of our Littles spent New Year's Eve with their other parents, I'm sure they are all going to be joyously sleep deprived when they get home this afternoon.  That leaves me and the dog chilling on the couch, surrounded by the beautiful silence that comes from a still home. I thoroughly enjoy these hours, the ones where I can have time in the Word and then time in reflection and thought. (I try to wake up early each morning for this reason alone.) I'm reading in Psalms right now.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I love where I am in the Bible.  It is like each word is speaking directly to my heart and current situation.  One of the things I do when I read is write in the margins what I am praying about, what I hear the Lord speaking to me on, and...

I need to be honest here, I haven't had the passion to write lately.  I feel like all of my words have been stolen from me, that while I've had many things to share and reflect upon, the ability to pen them has been out of my reach.  Why?  We are in a season.  I am in a season.  This season started in October of last year, but we didn't feel the full force of it until spring of this year. Since then it has been one opportunity after another to learn more of God's grace and goodness.  People, He is so very good, and He is faithful.  For that, I am confident that He is still creating a good work in me (Philippians 1:6. Despite that, we haven't been relieved of the lessons this season is teaching us.  In fact, the most recent couple of months have brought even more trials our way. And with those, so much more heartache and pain. However, I am finding peace. I have no idea where it is coming from.  None.  Oh, that is not true at all. ...

I'm not one who's normally in on all the new lingo used by society these days. However, having two teenage daughters I do get the opportunity to learn some, willingly or not.  I've been hesitant to write this post for some time now -  for no other reason than I simply don't have the vernacular to give it justice.  In case I haven't let on, life has kind of got me in the feels lately.   My family is hurting. I am hurting.  Not because of my family, but because of what someone is doing TO my family.  People, there is evil in this world.  There is evil that takes on the guise of "goodness".  It is evil wrapped up in selfishness and hatred and greed. It is evil that wants nothing more than to hurt another because of jealousy and spite. The hardest part of it is shielding those you love from the evil and not letting them see the hurt and pain you are going through because of it.  I need to be honest here. I have prayed unendingly for thi...