I Read Too Much

I thought about this a lot on my way home from work today.  The drive to and from work is typically the only personal time I get, ok, let me restate that, it is typically the only time where I can think with absolute silence.  After all, I get me time when I am running.  I digress.  On the way home today I started to think about the events of the last 19 months.  About the people in my life and their position there over that course of time.  You know, I want to be honest here, people come and go.  Allow me to explain. Up until the time my husband left I had a pretty good group of female friends.  These ladies shared a lot in common with me, they were married with children and most of them had a career outside of the home.  We would get together from time to time, talk on the phone, or exchange emails and texts on a semi-regular basis.  Then when the unthinkable happened they were there for me, virtually around the clock.  They lis...

Every year I anxiously await the ACD festival in town.  I know, most of the locals rue this time of year.  Truth, our bustling little burg does grow by an unfortunate number of national and international folks.  But, economy IS economy.  In the end we are all thankful for that.  Yet it is the other reason that I love this time of year.  September has long been one of my most favorite months.  There have been so many reasons to celebrate this month.  School is back in session, fall makes its official appearance, my grandma's birthday, my step-dad's birthday, many of my friends' birthdays, the ACD festival, the DeKalb County Free Fall Fair, and a plethora of other things.  Let's face it September rocks.  Well, until this year.  This year I have had to face, what is typically the entry to my favorite season, the onset of my favorite month with the cold hard facts - I have had to face it alone.  This has been the first year ...

It seems more and more things are happening that make life, well, just awful.  They are things like: not getting picked for something, not being included, working really hard on something only to have it fail, losing a job, a friend, a loved one, and the worst thing, not knowing how to help someone who has had one of these things happen to them.  This has been a bad week.  Truthfully, it makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs, from the tallest peak, GOD WHY ?  WHY ?  Why is this happening and what can I do about it?  Please don't misunderstand me, this isn't about me, this is about those I can't help.  This is about my abject smallness compared to the bigness of what's the matter.  It's the fact that it can't be undone.  It's the constant wanting to make it all better, yet not having a clue as to where to start.  It's about seeing people you care about hurting, deeply, and wanting their pain to go away.  It's about wishing I...