I Read Too Much

I've been pretty quiet lately. Life has had its way of late. You know, those moments that turn into hours, which inevitably turn into days, then eventually weeks become, well, ultimately they become longer than you anticipated? Yes, those.  There's an old adage that says something along these lines -"The road of life is paved with good intentions," and yet another that says, "Life is what happens while you are making other plans." I don't know about you, but wouldn't it be nice if life just calmed down for a moment and let you have a say in it?! I recently finished a six week Bible Study called, The Quest , by Beth Moore. Ironically, the first day of this study was also a day that was immensely difficult for my husband, and in turn, me. For preservation's sake, I will not share the details of it, but know it was a storm that we did not want to weather and assuredly worked to negotiate any possible outcome that would prevent its occurrence. Agai

My entire life I have struggled with not being good enough and not being seen.  In some situations, this would cause me to point out things others did wrong in order to make my insignificance a little less so. Or in others it would lead me to brag about the smallest of things in order to be noticed. I grew up in a trailer park which sat at the top of a hill from a lake.  At the bottom of the hill, around the lake, was a campground.  I lived in the most magical place on Earth, or so my young self thought. I had friends and adventures.  I had the freedom to play and grow the way kids of the 80's did. Despite all this, I was still picked on relentlessly up through middle school. We moved in high school, I thought it would change, but the only thing that did was the trailer park we lived in.  You see, I had unfortunate growth cycles - this offered me many more years of roundness than height. I've also been plagued with poor eyesight, fine hair, and a challenging complexion. I beg

Good morning.  As my Mr. likes to say, "it's been a minute!"  I've been having a rough go of things as of late.  No, not with work or family or anything of that nature, but of a spiritual nature.   I'm not questioning the Lord's position or His unwavering love - praise Him for that, and grace...goodness the mess I'd be if it weren't for His grace - what I am questioning is where I fit in. Actually, this very thing has been the root of it all since I was young.  I have always wondered where and how I fit in.  In some way, I have expressed this a million times over and may have called it for what it was a time or two, but it was while reading my Bible this morning a Tetris piece, of sorts, fell perfectly into place and cleared a line. I want to focus on one bit of what I read and hope, in so doing, it makes some sense. I'm in John.  I've really enjoyed being in the gospels these past weeks, the differences in writing style and the perspective

Here we are, nearly 6 AM when I should be getting around for work, but the thoughts in my head couldn't keep my focus long enough to do what I wanted to do, let alone what I should do.  So goes it most days!  HA! We have been fortunate enough over the past few years to have a vehicle with a DVD player in it.  I can tell you this has been a wonderful tool to keep the Littles occupied on those long trips.  For safety reasons, the makers of the vehicle removed the ability for the driver to watch anything on the front screen while the vehicle is in any gear but park.  Savages....must be for those OTHER drivers!!! Because of this, I have gotten the pleasure of listening to far more movies than I have ever watched.  Sometimes this is frustrating, but other times it is almost like like listening to a book - I get to form the imagery in my head. Like most little girls, mine have been fond of Barbie and Disney for the better part of their lives, not necessarily playing with the toys, bu

I don't know if I've shared this before or not, but I get caught up in perception. Not so much in how I perceive the actuality of something, but how I perceive what others are perceiving about me in the actuality of something.  I KNOW!  It is such a convoluted mess.   It is so stressful that it has my mind and my emotions all twisty -ALL. THE. TIME!  Here in lies the problem.  Allow me to explain. When I think I know how people are seeing me, I begin to act upon those perceived perceptions.  I put those ideas into play, despite how contorted and wrong they may be.  In some ways I know them to be completely wrong, and yet I am remiss to stop myself from believing them. And you know what?  It hurts.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have done this and wish I could take it all back.  How I wish I could undo the amount of time spent acting out those perceptions.  Most especially when they involve those I love. It's funny really.  A while back, I don't know wh

Today at work we were all rehashing "the glory days."  You know, those days where earning the varsity letter, hanging out with your friends, perhaps having a part time job, and counting the days until graduation where all there was to live for.  In my office we have some pretty good "used to be" stories.  It's actually quite impressive, but alas, we are all in an office doing our bit to make a company run instead of out making millions with the skills from our "used to be's."  I got to thinking, I know, a terrible habit of mine!, about last summer and the summer before that, you know, when I used to be a runner.  I have had one injury after the next, all with my knees, and the verdict is overuse.  So, I used to be... I'm going to be honest, not being where I was physically weighs on me.  It tears me apart mentally and emotionally.  Why?  Because in my mind's eye, I used to be pretty good.  I used to get on myself for not running a sub 8-m

I know this is the title of some movie Hollywood wasted money to create.  Chances are it may even be somewhat decent.  I didn't watch it.  It isn't my cup of tea.  Honestly, I can't even tell you what it is about and that really isn't the point.  I will spare you the science lesson of how a butterfly comes into being.  We all, for the most part, can remember that from Kindergarten.  It is more the philosophical premise of the butterfly that has the wheels in my head spinning tonight. You see, I stumbled upon a quote today that was simple yet profound.  The summer after my littlest Little was born we took them all on a vacation to Chicago.  One of the places we went was the Brookfield Zoo.  That particular year they had a butterfly house exhibit.  It was absolutely beautiful.  Hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of butterflies flitting around from plant to plant, person to person, just being.  These delicate, sun dependent, little insects with the vibrant wings doing