I Read Too Much

I want to be upfront here - I hate waiting. I have never been good at it.  Well, not entirely true.  I don't mind waiting at the doctor's office, in line, in traffic, or on the phone.  Probably because I have my phone with a million and one books downloaded but besides that, I don't wait well. So, what has the Lord done for me lately?  Why, bless His heart! He's given me opportunity after opportunity after opportunity (because just one wasn't enough) to learn how to wait. Truth be told, I'm an ugly waiter-er; it's sort of along the lines of ugly crying (we all know how that looks). But instead of streams of tears and booger-snotting everywhere, ugly waiting has things like short tempers, frazzled nerves, and a general dislike for life.  In other words, it is just as messy.  Instead of leaving a mess on someone's shoulder you tend to leave a mess, in general.  Granted, it's not intentional - at least in my case - but messy none-the-less. You see, ...

I woke up to an empty house this morning.  The Mr. had to work - a special shout out to all the public service personnel who don't get holidays off, you are revered more than you know - at least in our household. All of our Littles spent New Year's Eve with their other parents, I'm sure they are all going to be joyously sleep deprived when they get home this afternoon.  That leaves me and the dog chilling on the couch, surrounded by the beautiful silence that comes from a still home. I thoroughly enjoy these hours, the ones where I can have time in the Word and then time in reflection and thought. (I try to wake up early each morning for this reason alone.) I'm reading in Psalms right now.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I love where I am in the Bible.  It is like each word is speaking directly to my heart and current situation.  One of the things I do when I read is write in the margins what I am praying about, what I hear the Lord speaking to me on, and...

I need to be honest here, I haven't had the passion to write lately.  I feel like all of my words have been stolen from me, that while I've had many things to share and reflect upon, the ability to pen them has been out of my reach.  Why?  We are in a season.  I am in a season.  This season started in October of last year, but we didn't feel the full force of it until spring of this year. Since then it has been one opportunity after another to learn more of God's grace and goodness.  People, He is so very good, and He is faithful.  For that, I am confident that He is still creating a good work in me (Philippians 1:6. Despite that, we haven't been relieved of the lessons this season is teaching us.  In fact, the most recent couple of months have brought even more trials our way. And with those, so much more heartache and pain. However, I am finding peace. I have no idea where it is coming from.  None.  Oh, that is not true at all. ...

I'm not one who's normally in on all the new lingo used by society these days. However, having two teenage daughters I do get the opportunity to learn some, willingly or not.  I've been hesitant to write this post for some time now -  for no other reason than I simply don't have the vernacular to give it justice.  In case I haven't let on, life has kind of got me in the feels lately.   My family is hurting. I am hurting.  Not because of my family, but because of what someone is doing TO my family.  People, there is evil in this world.  There is evil that takes on the guise of "goodness".  It is evil wrapped up in selfishness and hatred and greed. It is evil that wants nothing more than to hurt another because of jealousy and spite. The hardest part of it is shielding those you love from the evil and not letting them see the hurt and pain you are going through because of it.  I need to be honest here. I have prayed unendingly for thi...

This morning I am reading in 1 Chronicles.  I am coming to the end of the book and we have King David turning the work of the temple over to his son, Solomon.  While the Lord had given David all of the instructions, down to the smallest detail, David was not to build the temple because he was "a warrior and have shed blood." (vs 28:3b) A few verses later David tells his son, " acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever." (vs 28:9) Let's stop there for a minute. I don't know about you but I am equally humbled and thankful God searches my heart and understands every desire and every thought I have. Really!  This means I am NOT invisible to Him.  He knows every single detail about me.  He knows the things I love the most and He ...

This morning I am reading in 2 Kings. I need to be honest, these are hard books to read. The names!  Oh, my stars the names.  Not only the names but how close they all are and how the kings overlap each other.  People, these 2 books are full of joy, pride, anger, hate, plot twists, love, encouragement, fear, great military acumen, business deals, essentially you name it, these two books have it.  I have read the words and shook my head as well as cried happy tears of God's great love.  These aren't a fast read.  It's definitely taken me a minute, but I recommend them to you.  Now, to my point! Think of two opposites.  Like the ends of a battery, the poles of the Earth, light and dark, soft and hard. Ok.  You get the picture. What I read this morning was exactly like that.  I began reading in chapter 21 about King Manasseh.  It didn't take me long to realize this guy was awful.  He was pure evil.  In fact, the modern-day ...

It's been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  I need to be honest here.  I doubt my ability to teach.  But more than that, I doubt it is a dream that will ever come true. Hear me out on this. In the past few days, life has had its way with me.  It has been one curve ball after another and one anxiety-laden situation after another. I have shed many tears, questioned my existence and purpose, and even thought, in many ways, how I wish I was someone else.  Granted, the latter would not have prevented the former from happening; it would have just changed the situation.  I digress. In the past, I have shared about spiritual gifts.  I have even been so bold as to share what mine are. In the past year, I have run a million miles per hour headlong into achieving my gifts, of doing or becoming what they say of me. I've failed to succeed. In that failure, I have gained an extreme lev...