I Read Too Much

The hardest thing about having a blog, besides ensuring  you actually write something, is knowing what to write.  There are many different seasons in life, things that seem so important at the time, but end up being just normal everyday stuff.  There are moments that are so insanely funny that you can't wait to share them but don't get to it straight away and then you forget what made them so funny, to begin with.  There are moments that are so bitterly painful that you can't help but want to share the experience in hopes that others know they too can get through it, or more likely the sharing is a part of the therapy. And I wonder, of all these things, which is the most successful?  Which is it that brings in the most readers?  Which is it that becomes the essential part of the author? Oh, how I long to write copious words full of insight, humor, raw emotion, but I lack it.  I lack it all. I feel like a painter with a pallet and canvas, but no paint...

It's been a while.  Oh, I've been here behind this monitor pounding away fervently at this well worn keyboard, but the words I've been bringing to life haven't been the ones meant for you.  I am happy to report I am three weeks away from completing a life-long goal.  I don't know when I last shared it or if I've shared it at all, but my dream, the one I've had since I was a little girl - a little girl who was so full of hope and wonder and belief in dreams and them coming true - is to become a teacher. Sure I've had opportunities over the years to teach and train and grow and inform others, but never as a career. Never in a school.  Never in a way that I've wanted to for as long as I can remember.  We'll start there. I have so many friends that still, at our ages, don't know what they want to be when they "grow" up.  They don't know what kind of work would make their hearts soar, that would bring joy to their hearts. Ar...

Let's talk abrasives, shall we?  I'm just going to put this out here - I'm your quintessential DIY crafter.  Yes, I am that woman who gets a novel idea for some grand project, then spends hours scouring Pinterest to find concepts - to you know, kick start the planning process and get the list of essentials.  I go at these projects with all the gusto of Martha Stewert on a case of Monster.  My Mr. likes to tinker in the garage with all of his fancy wood cutting things while I manage the process.  (Hey, it's my blog we can pretend this is the process!)  However, one of the things that I actually do love to do, is the sanding.  I'm not a pro, but I get excited knowing it is the last step before painting or staining and sealing. I have several grits of paper for the initial scrub down all the way to the fine detail.  Sandpaper is an amazing thing you all.  I mean, seriously! You know that mind riddle from years back, "if nothing sticks to Teflo...

In the past couple of days, with my personal studies and with the Women's Bible Study I am in, I have been constantly reminded of one thing.  This thing seems easy enough to know, often feels like a no brainer, is something most some people do not struggle with...  The thing?  Simply, God's Truth.  I'm going to come right out and tell you that I don't always run to God's truth, most especially when I absolutely should. It's embarrassing really, to put this out here, but I don't.  In fact, I will run to myself (the thoughts I can conjure up and the picture I can paint it into - I'll come back to this), my friends, my spouse, other books, but never straight away to the one thing I should run to. In our Bible Study we are doing Priscilla Shirer's: The Armor of God , and are just now on Week 2.  First, Week 1 was intense and humbling and scary and necessary and well, just do me a favor and run out and buy it, Ok? Or better yet, grab a few of your girl...

Oh my stars, you guys!  I have been so busy with work, school, and raising Littles, that I've sort of left this blog all by its lonesome.  I SOOOOO need to catch you up on a few things!!!  Bare with me if I start to ramble, but I promise to circle back and leave you with a solid!  About two months ago the Mr. and I decided to finally accept the invitation extended to us by my dear friend, T, to visit the new church that she had found.  Now, I'm going to remind you of a character trait of mine,  you know in case you've forgotten by the lack of posts from me lately, I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE! Nope. Not. One. Lick!  However, he and I decided to give it a go on a week that we knew the Littles would be in service at our "home" church (which for those who don't know, or don't experience this with your gaggle of giggling goofballs, sitting still for an hour and half is not easy - read that as exhausting ).  Since we knew T's family would be there our Littl...

I started a couple of Bible studies/Devotionals to help my heart draw nearer to the Lord and also my husband.  You see there are days when I don't feel like being a loving person.  There are days when it takes more work than I think it should.  This is an ugly truth, but one I won't hide from. In her book, Wife after God, Jennifer Smith follows up each devotional with a list of journal questions.  I love these.  They are hard, and soul searching.  But they are also good.  They make me think beyond my immediate feelings to those that I have once all of the ickiness is scratched off.  This ickiness is something akin to an outer shell that I put around my heart (thoughts, feelings, etc) when I want to protect myself.  Anyway, to the reason for this post.  On Day 3 she talks about how God created us because he wanted companionship.  Just as He created Eve for Adam, He created mankind for himself.  What a beautiful thought!...

I want to be completely honest with you.  I struggle with who I am.  I struggle with what I am supposed to do and what I am supposed to be.  There are days when the answers seem so incredibly clear and days when I struggle to recite the ABCs.  I hate putting my self out there like this, but something about today warrants the transparency.  My greatest and biggest fear is that I won't be good enough.  I am so epically afraid to fail that it consumes me.  In fact it drives me to ends that I cannot even believe I find myself.  This desire not to fail brings me to fighting for justice in regards to myself and my children, even when there isn't a fight there. People, I loathe this.  I abhor the fact that others judge me and my parenting and my way of raising a family simply because it is not the same way that they would do it. I hate that because of this I lose relationships due to lashing out and protecting my own. I do that.  I will fight...