I Read Too Much

Let's talk abrasives, shall we?  I'm just going to put this out here - I'm your quintessential DIY crafter.  Yes, I am that woman who gets a novel idea for some grand project, then spends hours scouring Pinterest to find concepts - to you know, kick start the planning process and get the list of essentials.  I go at these projects with all the gusto of Martha Stewert on a case of Monster.  My Mr. likes to tinker in the garage with all of his fancy wood cutting things while I manage the process.  (Hey, it's my blog we can pretend this is the process!)  However, one of the things that I actually do love to do, is the sanding.  I'm not a pro, but I get excited knowing it is the last step before painting or staining and sealing. I have several grits of paper for the initial scrub down all the way to the fine detail.  Sandpaper is an amazing thing you all.  I mean, seriously! You know that mind riddle from years back, "if nothing sticks to Teflo...

In the past couple of days, with my personal studies and with the Women's Bible Study I am in, I have been constantly reminded of one thing.  This thing seems easy enough to know, often feels like a no brainer, is something most some people do not struggle with...  The thing?  Simply, God's Truth.  I'm going to come right out and tell you that I don't always run to God's truth, most especially when I absolutely should. It's embarrassing really, to put this out here, but I don't.  In fact, I will run to myself (the thoughts I can conjure up and the picture I can paint it into - I'll come back to this), my friends, my spouse, other books, but never straight away to the one thing I should run to. In our Bible Study we are doing Priscilla Shirer's: The Armor of God , and are just now on Week 2.  First, Week 1 was intense and humbling and scary and necessary and well, just do me a favor and run out and buy it, Ok? Or better yet, grab a few of your girl...

Oh my stars, you guys!  I have been so busy with work, school, and raising Littles, that I've sort of left this blog all by its lonesome.  I SOOOOO need to catch you up on a few things!!!  Bare with me if I start to ramble, but I promise to circle back and leave you with a solid!  About two months ago the Mr. and I decided to finally accept the invitation extended to us by my dear friend, T, to visit the new church that she had found.  Now, I'm going to remind you of a character trait of mine,  you know in case you've forgotten by the lack of posts from me lately, I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE! Nope. Not. One. Lick!  However, he and I decided to give it a go on a week that we knew the Littles would be in service at our "home" church (which for those who don't know, or don't experience this with your gaggle of giggling goofballs, sitting still for an hour and half is not easy - read that as exhausting ).  Since we knew T's family would be there our Littl...

I started a couple of Bible studies/Devotionals to help my heart draw nearer to the Lord and also my husband.  You see there are days when I don't feel like being a loving person.  There are days when it takes more work than I think it should.  This is an ugly truth, but one I won't hide from. In her book, Wife after God, Jennifer Smith follows up each devotional with a list of journal questions.  I love these.  They are hard, and soul searching.  But they are also good.  They make me think beyond my immediate feelings to those that I have once all of the ickiness is scratched off.  This ickiness is something akin to an outer shell that I put around my heart (thoughts, feelings, etc) when I want to protect myself.  Anyway, to the reason for this post.  On Day 3 she talks about how God created us because he wanted companionship.  Just as He created Eve for Adam, He created mankind for himself.  What a beautiful thought!...

I want to be completely honest with you.  I struggle with who I am.  I struggle with what I am supposed to do and what I am supposed to be.  There are days when the answers seem so incredibly clear and days when I struggle to recite the ABCs.  I hate putting my self out there like this, but something about today warrants the transparency.  My greatest and biggest fear is that I won't be good enough.  I am so epically afraid to fail that it consumes me.  In fact it drives me to ends that I cannot even believe I find myself.  This desire not to fail brings me to fighting for justice in regards to myself and my children, even when there isn't a fight there. People, I loathe this.  I abhor the fact that others judge me and my parenting and my way of raising a family simply because it is not the same way that they would do it. I hate that because of this I lose relationships due to lashing out and protecting my own. I do that.  I will fight...

Have you ever had a moment, or two, where you felt that you were in over your head?  I won't lie to you, these past few months have felt like that to me.  I should back up a pace or two.  I jumped in feet first in to a full time graduate study program.  Me, a wife and mom of 5 (3 daughters & 2 step-sons), full time(+) employee, and mediocre friend.  (I give it that moniker these days because I think my relationships are falling apart because I'm unable to give more of myself.  I fear I will lose them on this journey, and yet pray they are still there for me when I finally cross that finish line.)  Anyway, my point:  I'm in over my head. Now, I will never sit here and tell you that everything you want in life should be easy, or come easy, or EVER, EVER be given to you.  No, I'm a firm believer in earning what you have, in devoting the necessary time and passion towards goal achievement.  Gosh...I just spat that out like a ...

Can I be honest with you?  Oh, what the hey, I'm always open and honest with you.  (My naysayers will refute that, but we all have them.)  This past Sunday in Sunday School we had a lesson that I just cannot seem to shake.  There are so many of those aren't there?  I actually think many of my posts say, or at least start off saying, the same thing.  You see, we were talking about envy.  We were talking about those things that we see others have that just makes us second guess ourselves.  Now, the teacher he was expecting the normal answers like, "I wish I had $$ like so and so."  "I wish my house was as big as..."  You get the idea.  But before anyone else could chime in I spoke up.  I didn't even preface my answer.  No, I threw it out there in all of its ugliness.  I gave it the spotlight, I bared its simplicity and it complexity.  That thing that I wish I had that everyone else has?  That thing that I get ...